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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not buy my nearly 17 year old a beer?

57 replies

BigBirdFlies · 13/08/2017 16:43

We are on holiday in Austria and Germany, and dd1 aged 16 would like to have a beer. It is legal here for her to drink beer and wine at 16. So MN jury, are we being unreasonable?

OP posts:

IAmTheDragon · 13/08/2017 17:09

She can buy herself a beer - perfectly legal in Germany and Austria

Jaden Smith (Will and Jada's) son had his 18th in the UK for this reason. There is a very funny interview with Will Smith on Norton about it - Will felt tricked!

Birdsgottaf1y · 13/08/2017 17:10

I would bu her more than one, tbh. It's better to learn your limits with people you can trust.

AngeloftheSouth84 · 13/08/2017 17:12

It is legal in the UK for a 17 year old to drink beer. It is also legal in the UK for a 5 year old to drink beer.

eyebrowsonfleek · 13/08/2017 17:13

I'd buy one for my 16 year old - especially if it was at a meal. He has about 5 units of alcohol a year with my blessing. The kids who steal their parents spirits and get so drunk that they pass out are usually the ones with strict parents. By allowing a little alcohol they become meh about it.

It's very similar to when toddlers are desperate to drink your tea or coffee. I let mine have a sip and they didn't ask for my coffee ever again.

I grew up drinking a little alcohol infrequently from a young age with parental approval. Ex wasn't allowed a drop until he was 18. Guess which one has alcohol problems?

Sparklesocks · 13/08/2017 17:43

It is your decision, but I would be ok with it. The thing is most teens will be interested in experimenting with drinking at some point - I'd rather they have a small beer/wine at a civilised family meal which helps ease their curiousity rather than them down a bottle of vodka and a friend's house because they'd never been exposed to drink before !

BarbaraofSevillle · 13/08/2017 18:37

YABU to not allow her a beer. It's legal where you are, and in other euroopean countries. It's legal in private homes in the Uk and it would also be legal for you to buy her a beer (not sure about wine/spirits) if you were having a meal on licenced premises in the UK.

One or two beers with her parents on holiday is not going to do her any harm or turn her into a binge drinker or alcoholic.

SpottedGingham · 13/08/2017 18:40

I'd quite like a beer now! 🍺

It's legal in the country you're in, no reason to say no.

Aria2015 · 13/08/2017 18:44

I would, I was allowed alcohol with my parents at that age and it helped create a safe introduction to alcohol and made me feel very grown up and trusted. So it was a positive thing for me.

happy2bhomely · 13/08/2017 18:45

My 16 year old has the occasional beer or cider. It has been when watching football with DH or when we have a bbq. He isn't massively fussed by it. We aren't big drinkers. I have one or two gins a week and DH drinks about 4 or 5 beers once a fortnight.

I know that he drank 6 beers and several vodka jelly shots at his friend's 16th birthday family bbq. I wasn't quite as happy with that, especially when I was told that the parents were also encouraging them to do tequila shots. He felt awful the next day and hasn't had anything since.

I would buy her a beer, especially if I was drinking one too!

NC4now · 13/08/2017 18:46

Yeah, I'd buy the beer, but the next round's theirs.

Urglewurgle · 13/08/2017 18:54

We used to go out for meals at 16+ just so we could also order wine/beer.

Usually to pizzahut.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 13/08/2017 19:02

I remember being allowed a malibu and lemonade on holiday a few months shy of 15. I was allowed an alcopop or two or a glass of baileys or malibu lemonade at family gatherings too. I had one sambuca at 16/17 ish in a restaurant at a big family meal. Im now 27 and have never been drunk in my life. Ive had one social night out somewhere with a bar when i was 18 and shared a few alcopops with someone but had a combined total of 2 1/2 max. Alcohol is best explored in a family setting imo, if its not some naughty forbidden thing its not as tempting and is more likeky to be treated responsibly

Davros · 13/08/2017 19:05

We were in Austria in July. 14 year old DD almost kept pace with us!! Not quite but we did let her have wine with dinner and a drink in the bar. Mostly she lost interest in the drinks and I got more

DJBaggySmalls · 13/08/2017 19:06

We let the DC's have a mild drink like shandy, wine or beer with food from a young age, at home. We also explained how easy it is to get drunk too fast. They are now older and have drunk responsibly when left unsupervised.
Apart from the one famous 21st incident but they cleaned up afterwards, and it seems to have put them off boozing.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 13/08/2017 19:06

That being said, i dont agree with the fact ny cousins daughter and all her friends had boozy sleepovers on fridays and/or saturdays round eachothers houses with parental consent from the age of 14. Were talking properly drinking too, multiple bottles each and by 16 on cocktails and spirits.

MissionItsPossible · 13/08/2017 19:21

It is legal in the UK for a 17 year old to drink beer. It is also legal in the UK for a 5 year old to drink beer.

This And I don't understand how this has still remained the law for so long, like there is literally no need for it to be okay for a 5 year old to be drinking alcohol.

Original poster

BigBirdFlies · 13/08/2017 19:32

Well we are no longer unreasonable parents. We have just come back from dinner and dd had a small beer. She drank about half of it, and then said she felt full up. But she was delighted with herself so that was good.

OP posts:

altiara · 13/08/2017 19:37

That's so sweet! I agree with making drinking a bit of alcohol ok so they're not pushed to get pissed in secret.

IHaveBrilloHair · 13/08/2017 19:41

I buy my 15yr old ciders to have at home, I don't think it's a big deal.

StealthPolarBear · 13/08/2017 19:41

Can't bear the "better it's not forbidden" crap but yanbu.
Although a 14 year old keeping pace with grown adults is nothing to be proud of.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/08/2017 19:59

I would, at least you can keep an eye on things. If dd is old enough to buy alcohol in Germany, she can do it on her own.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/08/2017 19:59

On the continent, the kids drink a little alcohol with their meal, its totally fine. They have the most sensible attitudes towards alcohol.

StealthPolarBear · 13/08/2017 20:01

Don't these sophisticated European countries have worse alcohol related mortality and morbidity than us?

Hulababy · 13/08/2017 20:02

If its legal over there, why not? A beer or wine, or a weak cocktail perhaps, with food - not hard stuff.

I see it this way - in the US people cant drink til they are 21y. If an 18y came to stay with you in the UK, would you allow them an alcoholic drink with their meal if they asked?

DD will be of legal drinking age when we go away to the Caribbean in February. Under age here. We have already agreed she can try her first legal alcoholic drink whilst there.

Happydays21 · 13/08/2017 20:02

I believe studies have shown that the younger that you start drinking alcohol the more likely you are to have a drinking problem in later life.

Also that you g people drinking in Europe is becoming more of a problem.

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