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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be super pissed off

66 replies

Confused95 · 13/08/2017 10:17

Yesterday i was guilted into watching a friends child 7yr old. She said it would be a hour or two when it was five. I have two small children of my own. Ds 3 and dd 1 this child kept taking my childrens toys from them and saying they wont share, he only wanted they toys they had. My ds has a fav toy its a power ranger he always has and hardly ever leaves down but since yesterday we can find it. Iv tore the house and garden apart. I can go buy the same one no problem today and ds will be happy but iv a strange feeling that boy took it as he kept lifting it away from ds. No point saying to his mum shes one of them my child is perfect and dose no wrong parents. Now when she collected her ds she implayed that il be watching him again as in her words she works and i dont as im a stay at home mum. Aibu if i just say f**k no pay a childminder and teach him some manners and not to steal. She said come school starting again il be able to get him from school and such. Hes not a plesent child. She tells him daily hes better than other children and he can do as he wants cause she says so. Shes not very plesent herself. Likes to talk down about others and tells people how to live their lives

OP posts:

Goldmandra · 13/08/2017 11:12

Ask her to ask her son if he knows where it is as you can't find it.

If she asks you to care for him again, direct her to your local authority website which should have a section with links to local childcare provision.

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/08/2017 11:17

^^ what Goldmantra said. She's setting the poor kid up for disaster

emmyrose2000 · 13/08/2017 11:19

Tell her the toy was last seen being played with by her boy and you weren't able to find it after he let. Where did he put it? It's a way of calling her son out for the thief he likely is, but without actually saying so, so you'll have plausible deniability when/if she starts spouting off to other people about it.

I agree with earlier posters that she's not your friend and that you shouldn't even consider looking after the boy.

Hygge · 13/08/2017 11:19

She's not a friend, and her child is not your responsibility.

I'd be tempted to do what justilou has suggested, but otherwise just tell her you're not taking care of her son anymore, not collecting him from school, and not having him for playdates or anything else. If she wants childcare, she's going to have to find someone who provides it.

If she says it's too short notice before school starts, don't even think of saying you'll do it even once until she finds someone else. If you collect him one day she'll want to know why you can't do it the next, and soon you'll be at half-term and wondering how you agreed to let her drop him off with you at 8am and not be back for him until 6pm every day of the holidays. Say no now and don't make an exception at all.

I wouldn't worry about what she might say to other people. They probably also know what she and her son are like.

But she's not your friend. It sounds like she doesn't even like you, let alone respects you. Leave her to sort her own childcare. It sounds like you and your children had a miserable time with this boy.

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/08/2017 11:20

A friend of dds friend did this at a play date. It was behind the loo.

RiotAndAlarum · 13/08/2017 11:37

If she goes around telling everyone you accused her child of stealing, she will be doing you a great favour! Come on, everyone will believe you, and she'll get the comeuppance of not being able to palm him off on anyone!

Miserylovescompany2 · 13/08/2017 11:37

I'd be inclined to quote her an hourly rate (to be paid upfront) - You wouldn't see her for dust!

Re the toy - he's probably hidden it - but you are well within your rights to enquire about is whereabouts?

Maybe text - DS is really upset as we can't find his favourite toy, could you check to see whether your DS has accidentally picked it up by mistake? Thanking you in advance, Confused95

Original poster

Confused95 · 13/08/2017 11:39

Im going to text and just say you need to find other childcare as it was to much yesterday and i wont be watching him again. Im also going to ask her he ask ds dose he know were the toy is as iv loomed all over and cant find it. Iv tore every room apart it 100% not here but i have found sunglasses i lost about 15 dummys a fork and about £8 in change lol

OP posts:

Maelstrop · 13/08/2017 11:44

Just ask if her child 'accidentally' took the toy home. Don't worry about telling her you won't be child minding again, just refuse every time she asks. Easy.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 13/08/2017 11:54

If she's in walking distance , you could drop in on the pretence of "Oh did Damien leave these socks at my house"? and if you're lucky see the toy in his hand or on the floor.
"Oh there it is , I've been searching hi'n'lo for that".
If not you can ask anyway , see his reaction.

Then you are not accusing/you have the evidence and you look like the good person returning the random socks

And don;t be tempted by the "hourly rate" - if you aren't a Registered CM you cannot charge, and you know she'll be the type to take liberties and "Oh I'll pay you on Thursday"

You do not want to be dropping/collecting/minding her DS every school day (and holiday)

Trb17 · 13/08/2017 11:54

I think texting her to tell her to find alternative childcare as yesterday was too much is a good idea. But then stick to your guns if she tries to pursuance you otherwise. SAHP are not free childcare for other people unless they CHOOSE to be so and not under pressure from cheeky people assuming they will.

Trb17 · 13/08/2017 11:55

*persuade

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 13/08/2017 11:56

How exactly did she word it that you'll be looking after her DS?

RestingBitchFaced · 13/08/2017 12:01

Cheeky cow, do not give her an inch - you don't owe her anything

Questioningeverything · 13/08/2017 12:12

Hahahaha the second she'd tried implying I'd be on hand to be her free childcare I'd have laughed and said as if, no wonder you've stuck to just having one, he's a right handful! Find some other mug!
All in a laughy jokey manner, of course.
As for today,
Hi x, can't find x toy, hunted high and low (mention what you have found to make it lighthearted)
Can you please ask ds where he's hidden it. X is in bits and won't settle without toy.

Because you didn't mention at the time no childcare, I'd wait til she asks. Then say no, I won't be doing that again, three is too much work

LoyaltyAndLobster · 13/08/2017 12:19

I wouldn't even ask where the missing toy is, I'd just go out and buy another one. And this would also be the end of our friendship!

redsquirrel2 · 13/08/2017 12:36

Don't buy another one. You need to tackle the issue of the toy otherwise it sends out all the wrong messages, to your children and her kid. And as soon as she raises childcare again say a definite no. Toy first, sort that, then sort the childcare. Otherwise she might go funny on you and not help with the toy. She's not a proper friend though really, is she?

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 13/08/2017 12:38

A seven year old is not suitable company for a toddler and a baby. What planet is she on? In your shoes I'd write off the power ranger but text her to confirm you won't be looking after her child again under any circs. As you say, he's too much of a handful, especially when you have two littlies of your own to supervise and entertain. She wants childcare then she pays for it.

"She said come school starting again I'll be able to get him from school and such." You would be able to, that's true but you're not willing, nor will you ever be. The bloody cheek of her! You're not a stay-at-home parent to be free childcare for any user who shows up. You are not her employee to be told what you will or won't do. She desperately needs to be told to eff off forthwith.

Nip this in the bud before she gets you doing her bloody washing!

famtastic · 13/08/2017 12:50

@DancesWithOtters 😂 just want I was thinking!!

Oh dear me you need to put your foot down now, trust someone with experience.

#workworkworkworkwork

PollyFlint · 13/08/2017 13:50

First of all, she's not really your 'friend', is she? She's just a woman you know - you've made it really clear in your post that you don't actually like her (and I can totally see why you don't, as she sounds awful) so this isn't really a friendship at all.

And you are perfectly within your rights to say you won't be watching her child again. He isn't the same age as your two, so it's not like it could even be construed as a play date. She's just using you as an unpaid, unregistered childminder.

rollonthesummer · 13/08/2017 13:54

Why on earth did you agree to look after this woman's child at all-she sounds awful, as does he!

How did she imply you'd be looking after him again and what did you say in response?

BenLui · 13/08/2017 13:56

She works, she needs to organise proper childcare just like everyone else.

Say "no" very clearly next time she asks. Don't make excuses why not, don't apologise for not doing it, don't get into a discussion, just say "no, I won't be looking after him, you'll have to organise proper childcare".

Even if he was a nice child and she was a nice Mum they would be taking unfair advantage of you.

Don't feel guilty. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 13/08/2017 14:04

I cannot get my head around the idea that because you work it is reasonable to expect a SAHM to look after your child . How utterly bizarre. Tell her to do one op.

Lozzie12 · 13/08/2017 14:07

This is appalling behaviour, part of working is organising childcare for whilst you are at work. At 7, he's a completely different age to your two, so it's not even as if you could expect them all to play together. How cheeky, as others have said she doesn't sound much of a friend, do you get anything from the friendship?

notapizzaeater · 13/08/2017 14:07

Is she always this entitled and rude ? Did she pay you for babysitting yesterday ?

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