correct names and MILs

[lucyellensmum]

I get very very angry btw when mother in law sends cards to dd with her dads surname, not married see. I woudlnt mind if she was doing it by mistake but is making a point - my point being if he wants his dd to have his name then he should bloody well marry her mother! So there's a can of worms, i should point out that my MIL is lovely though and i love her but you know how it is with us mums and our MIL, just let anyone q our parenting, go on just you try it! Oh god, do i go on too much. But what do you all think, should a child bear its fathers name, and where did that come from. I have a child from a previous relationship though and wanted both children to have same surname, have been with DP for 15 years and no intention on getting married - grrr.

Its up to you and your partner what surname you want to give your child! We've given our DS my partners name because we're thinking of getting married eventually so then we'll all have the same name, but I know a few people who have given their children the mum's name - its personal preference. I'd tell her (or get your partner to tell her) that it upsets you when she gets it wrong.

I hate it when my MIL adds 'ie' to the end of my DS's name - I did tell her that I didn't like it but it appears to make no difference and she still does it anyway! My MIL is annoying me a lot at the monent but thats a different matter..!

i can see why you have done with DPs name there it makes sense. Although (here's another can!) why women have to give up their names when they marry is beyond me (no no im not bitter cos no one will marry me, not in the slightest!)

I chose not to take dh's name when we married but my gran still insists on sending post etc. to Mrs x, or even worse, writing cheques out in my married name. Ended up having to set up a separate bank account so I could bank them

I'll probably take my DP's name because I don't like my own! But definitely don't think you should have to. A couple of friends of mine have recently got married and kept their own names.

I get phone calls asking for Mrs and then my DP's surname even though we're not even married - I used to correct people but now I can't be bothered!

We're married and I have kept my own surname. MIL has written my name down in her address book with dh's surname though! She has done the same to SIL, then she leaves the notebook around for us to see! TBH, there are times when I've thought I'd like to use dh's surname socially and my own for work but she's annoyed me so much that I'll never change it now under any circumstances.

My baby got double barrelled surname Mine-Dad
we both discussed it and are happy with that option

didnt change my name when i married btw, my view is itis my name did not want to change and boyfriend completely agreed

professionally, did not want to cange name either

personal choice

both our respective families think it is all weird and raised eyebrows at my non name change and baby double-barrelled surname

chipmonkey - sounds like the MIL is trying to get u going chosing incorrectly listing u in address book as DP surname

why dont u list her in your filofax under her maiden name

That would definitely annoy me!

My MIL sends post addressed to 'Mr & Mrs

ScottishMummy, I think I may do that. I thought of it before but Dh said not to sink to her level! Sometimes a bit of sinking does you good though!

chipmonkey *Sinking-maybe-Bloody-good-laugh-Definitely

sometimes it is kinda satisfying to stir it up a bit

I kept my name when i got married and the dc's have my surname (dh's decision) Pil have been really odd about it, sending mail addressed to the dc's first name only (ie, no surname at all). They have repeatedly claimed they didn't know what we'd done with the names, despite us explaining several times. fil said to us 'do I don't have any say on this at all then?' us: 'er, no'. We've more or less resolved it by dh having a word with them on his own. They still don't like it but at least they don't say anything any more.

i'm unmarried and both dc's have rtheir dad's surname... we plan on marrying so would be confusing for kids to have to change and i'm old fashioned anyway... think kids should have fathers' surnames anyway

PinkTulips - why the father's name in preference to mums name, just wondering??

because it's something that the dad can give them that will form a massive part of their identity.

we give birth to them, nurse them, make most of the day to day decisions and usually take the child if there's a split.... all dp can give them is his name

i thought (good) fathers added love, stability, nurturing, compassion i think (good) dads do all we do except the obviouslybreastfeeding

so i think the name given does not necesarily need to be his

again its personal preference, whatever suits really

lol min192 My own mum does that to me!!

My mate got married recently and was at great pains to let everyone know she would be taking her dp's surname (has always hated her own surname and doesn't get on with her family so was keen to disassociate).

For a wind up I addressed a card to her as Mrs 'DP's name' 'Dp's Surname' - she rang me up and said she really loved it...

"all dp can give them is his name " blimey, I'll tell dh he's contributed nothing to our dc's then

at uni i worked in a shop and had to phone a customer ket them know her order had arrived, so not knowing her status i asked for Ms Customer...Well she had a complete berky on the phone squawking at me I am married i am a MRS demanding an apology

i was mortified..she was shoting so loud it made my ears vibrate

i also find it funny women who wish to be addressed as Mrs John Bloggs - imo Odd

Agree with ProfYaffle - my boyfriend contributes such a lot to baby he is a great father and fabby boyfriend...not just a surname

Sorry slight hijack - but I am truly fed up that in this day and age there is still the idea that women need to be designated a title according to their marital status but men can be 'Mr' regardless. I use 'Ms' whenever I can (but some forms still don't have this option) as it is no-one's damn business whether I am married or not.

we double barrelled ours surname but Dh's Aunt point blank refuses to acknowledge when she sends gifts (money) she insists on sending it to my husbands 'maiden' name. After dd was born and she does it with both their names despite very clear evidence to the contrary. So I wrote her letters on the subject and she still persists.
I now always spell her name wrong. Childish but if you can't beat them join them
His friends do it to be naughty as well.

Agree with idlemum!

I kept my name when we got married and most people would address post to me in my maiden name. But now we have children everyone has started calling me Mrs X, which I find a bit strange (other than MIL who knows better!)

I agree with idlemum as well. The name thing is useful with cold callers though, when they say 'Mrs X?' I can truthfully say 'There's no-one of that name here' and we never hear from them again!