To think my son in law was NOT being inappropriate?

[nanatobetobe]

I went to our village fete today with my lovely DD, 10 month DGS and SIL. There were lots of kiddie activities and a large ringed off area where different events were taking place throughout the day I.e dog show. When it wasn't being used the kids were using it as a play area. We were sitting just alongside it. A football came into our little space so SIL licked it back to a group of young lads, it came back to us so he kicked it back again, it came back to us, this time with a lot of force so my SiL did a very theatrical dive, rolled over and got up clutching his leg to much hilarity from the group of boys.

This then developed into a free for all with my SIL being ever more inventive in his 'dives'. More kids joined in and some started diving on top of him as he fell down. He then became a 'monster' chasing the kids around. More dad's joined in and it evolved into a game of British bulldog (I'm showing my age here) until even the event announcer was getting the crowd to cheer on the 2 sides, adults and children.

However throughout this my DD was getting increasingly annoyed, she told me to stop encouraging her DH and when I asked why she said it wasn't appropriate for him to be playing with children he didn't know.

To my mind it was a lovely afternoon with lots of camaraderie between people who didn't know each other before (lots of high fives) and really great fun. My DD went to SIL and pulled him away. He sort of sheepishly came to sit down while the fun and games continued. I spoke to them both afterwards but my DD is adamant that it could have been misconstrued and he should not have let it 'get out of hand'.

Really? I'm a bit bemused as can't see why it is such an issue. Have things really come to this? So, mumsnetters what do you think?

"I can assure you I have never voted Tory!"

I sincerely apologise, that is quite a rude thing to accuse someone of.

"I would also assume (sincerely hope) neither has my DD. I would disown her for that"

As any right thinking parent would, but are you sure? She does sound like she hates fun. Watch out for gateway behaviours like watching channel 5 or listening to James Blunt. Its a short jump to harder stuff like reading the Daily Mail.

Nana has he been court ordered to stay away from children perhaps?

I wish my DH could be a bit more like your SIL, he sounds like he genuinely enjoyed playing with those kids and it's lovely. I think your DD needs to relax a bit, she's probably just a bit anxious and ott about safeguarding since having her baby. To give her the benefit of the doubt, having children does make you more aware of potential dangers, but I'd be thrilled if my DH got involved like that!

I think your SiL needs to try to adjust more to Southerner culture. Have him participate in some of your cultural rituals like voting Tory and avoiding eye contact- he'll soon get the hang of how to behave.

Southerner here: bore off, mate, I've never voted Tory in my fucking life.

Nana has he been court ordered to stay away from children perhaps?

An easy detail to have slipped one's mind!

Hmm. I am torn on this one tbh. It sounds like a really fun afternoon and that your son in law is lovely. But it is something that I would absolutely never do - I would be so worried I would end up accidentally tripping a child and then them breaking an ankle or something (I know a dad who did this to his own child recently). Or even, there is a disagreement about something in the game and one of the kids goes crying to a parent, parent comes over for a row....

So perhaps I am an over anxious introvert too. And a bit envious of your SIL being relaxed. But I would feel uneasy with my DP doing the same - not because I think he's a paedo! But because I would be worried about an accident.

So YANBU but your DD is not being completely unreasonable either.

(Of course you could always ask her why she thought it was inappropriate)

Chips4tea I have a lot of understanding about safeguarding both professionally and in a volunteering role- absolutely nothing the SIL did would concern me.

Just someone having fun in full sight of probably hundreds of people and others joining in.

Guess he should have shouted at them to 'watch what they were doing with that ball' like a grumpy Victor Meldrew!

has he been court ordered to stay away from children perhaps?

Because he likes gravy? I think op would have mentioned it

My guess is she's more aware of safeguarding issues than is her husband. Or her mother. Leave her alone, she's right.

As someone who is extremely aware of safeguarding issues, he did nothing wrong.

WhoreofBabyliss. What an incredible mental leap to make given the content of the OP's post.

I think drivingmisspotty has it right. My DD was concerned that if a child got hurt SIL could get blamed or perhaps a parent might be wondering about his motives.

Or maybe you have no idea what their marriage is really like and your daughter's husband has been exhibiting some worrying behaviour behind closed doors.

But way to support your child - criticize her on a public forum rather than get her trust to open up about what made her so anxious.

Sounds perfectly fun and harmless to me and reminds me of being a kid camping when massive games of rounders and bulldog etc would end up being played on the field.

And well done for actually taking an in laws side and not your precious dds!

It was harmless and great fun. I love my DD very much and have a great relationship with her which is why I can freely say when I disagree with her. She does listen to me (mums are always right 😄) but she thinks we no longer live in innocent times and she was worried his motives might have been misconstrued.

Alexa not really. His wife may be aware of this whilst his mother my not. It would explain her instant alarm at his behaviour which, on the face of it would appear normal to most people possibly? It's something to consider in the mix is all I'm saying.

What a shame he was pulled away (if there's not some secret conspiracy theory as to why). He sounds brilliant.

His MIL that should say. I have learned that often when people do things that you think are strange, there is a reason behind that behaviour. The reason can't always be voiced though. The fact the OP is posting means that this hyper alertness can't be normal for her DD for she would have thirty posts along these lines already.

i can understand her worries.im also saddened by it.firstly because we should just trust or not even have to think that there is anything else to it.but also sad because actually there is more and more of this type of thing happened and there is a "pedo"behind it.its horrific its in the news more and more.so much innocence lost that a man I'm trusting to trust since hes you SIL and u no him is being flamed for just being a nice cherpy chapy playing with kids.but is he....you see!aaaaargh I hate these times

So because a woman over reacted, the busband must be abusive or exhibit sorting behaviour behind closed doors?

Do women never over react or gets anxious when there is no need to?

Or is it just a case of 'he is a man so cant be great, he has got to be an abusive shit'

While I'm sure your SIL is lovely, I would find that kind of rough and tumble behaviour terribly embarrassing if it were my husband, as well as inappropriate with strangers children. Your DD is probably more aware of safeguarding than you're giving her credit for. It's completely different times and my husband knows not to approach even a lost child but to call 999 instead. You have a responsibility to keep both children and yourself safe.

It's completely different times and my husband knows not to approach even a lost child but to call 999 instead.

Wtf

I've yet to meet anyone who uses hand gel before touching their baby.

She sounds very anxious, you sound like a lovely Mum (and he a lovely husband) so sure both of you will be watching for signs of PND.

She can't realistically use hand gel before every time she touches the baby, that's crazy. Perhaps a little chat to her about how kids build up their immune systems would help.

Your DD is probably more aware of safeguarding than you're giving her credit for.

What? Is that knowledge instantly bestowed upon having your baby?

Or is there a mandatory course for women, that i dont know about.