Sister in law asked for money for her sons birthday instead of a present?!

[CleanFreak123]

Hi there,
Call me old fashioned but I think giving a 4 year old a present for their birthday is much more suitable than money. My partners sister is throwing a party for her son tomorrow. I asked what he would like and she said money! Hmm got me thinking that she would prefer the money more like.
How much should I put in a card?

Don't buy books unless you know exactly what he already has and what he likes - I can't believe people always suggest that unless they know a lot of people who don't have any books... 5 copies of The Gruffalo and a new copy waiting to be unwrapped anyone? You have to really know a family's shelves (or for older children the child's tastes and what they have already read) for books to be anything other than virtue signalling as a gift.

It is quite right and proper that a 4 yr old gets to unwrap several presents on their birthday, and, yes, it is nice to let them do that, but as he is having a party then he will get to do that. Over the years, most close family (dc's Grandparents, Great Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles) have generally wrapped up something small so they have something to unwrap (colouring book / a ball / some bubbles / swimming goggles / whatever they were in to at the time) and handed me a note to put in their savings.
Sometimes we've put the money together to buy something big - so one Christmas we put all the (3) dc's money presents together and bouth a swing / climbing frame for the garden, then when they were older we did the same and bought them a table tennis table for example, but usually I've put it into savings accounts for them.

They never missed it when they were little, but they really appreciated the nice little sum they all had when they came to pay for driving lessons, etc. at 17.
I think it's a good idea. (as do my dc)

Hmm, I actually find multiple copies of well loved books like the Gruffalo, VHC etc pretty useful purely because they get read so much! My household are on our third copy of the VHC.

Still a fan of cash though.

At the risk of sounding ungrateful I really wish more people would give money. Every year birthday and Christmas , my son gets a total mountain of toys. Way, way too much to ever play with. I have family members who spend over a hundred pounds because "that's what we spend on other nieces/nephews " - I've told them repeatedly that it's too much and we don't want it but we are ignored.
I don't want all these toys, we don't have space, I'm trying to teach my son not to just consume and buy stuff all the time, and I don't want to be responsible for the impact on the environment. A lot of it ends up never played with because it's just too much.
If the money went into his savings account instead, based on what my family spend alone, he would have about twenty thousand pounds by age 18- how much more valuable would that be to him ?
I wouldn't ask for money though . I just keep asking them to buy less!

My DD has a friend half the presents she is given are put on FB for sale a month later brand new mum always asks for cash instead of presents. I know the DD wants the presents as she has commented a few times about it sadly I have been giving her cheaper presents (£2ish) because I know she'll be allowed to open and play with them

Because of this I only give cash to my friends children because I know they'll get the money, I don't even give gifts vouchers because they can be sold on but my DAD got £35 as presents for her last party she gave me the money and bought her favourite dolls online and I topped it up so she could get three of them. It's amazing how much £5's add up.

When DS2 (8) is invited to parties we pretty much always give cash unless DS knows that they would particularly like something.

I think it's really rude to suggest setting up a bank account for someone else's child.

I was pissed off when MIL got involved with the £250 child trust fund that all babies were given a few years ago. She thought we should have gone with a certain account for the introductory boots vouchers. We went with something else for the actual interest rate.

My SIL didn't look too bothered when her sister handed over an account with £1,000 in it to my nephew on his 21st birthday, having saved it over the years rather than buy him pointless presents.

A fiver in a card might stop her from dictating cash in the future.

Does your partner think she is a thief too? Or is that just your opinion? Why isn't he dealing with his family's gifts anyway?

£20 Waterstones voucher for some nice books, half way between money and a gift. If you really don't want to give money why not take your nephew on a day out to a theme park or similar. I do think a £10 toysrus voucher is mean I'm sorry but it's your nephew not a child from school.

I would rather been seen a tight git than a greedy bitch.

If you would usually spend £20 then get a gift voucher for £20, for whichever toy shop is best in your town.

We did similar for our DDs first Christmas. She had so many clothes and toys there wasn't room for them but there were still practical things (that were more expensive than we'd ask one person to spend) that we knew she needed.
I doubt your SIL would take the money for herself, you'd have to be a strange kind of person to steal from your own son ! Or she's putting it away for him because again he probably has an abundance of toys and you might buy the wrong thing!

I've always had this problem with my now ex ILs. They'd ask for suggestions - I'd provide a list, then there would be a big song and dance about how difficult the items where to find, and they had so little time, etc., etc. (Even when supplied with online links.) Usually ending with them getting nothing off the list and me not getting it either because I assumed someone else was buying it, so disappointed child. It got so bad, my dc really started to dread the run up to birthdays/xmas when they would have to supply the dreaded list. So eventually I just said money. Then the implication that I might somehow decide to spend it on myself. I am not short of money (and even if I was, wouldn't spend a child's birthday money.) So for the past few years, they've sent Amazon vouchers, which I then buy off the DC so they can spend the money on whatever they like Steam (and usually take all year to use the Amazon vouchers). It's just nastiness and completely unnecessary. If it bothers you that much, just give a card, I'm sure SIL will be hugely relieved.

We always ask for money for our boys as they have ISAs and are going to much prefer some savings to memories of plastic crap when they are older, we buy them presents and they get lots from school & nursery friends at their parties.

There's one relative who buys vouchers when we ask for cash, and as much as we are grateful it's annoying

I'd def get this kid a Waterstones voucher

My dc have both asked for cash this year. The youngest likes going to the bank to hand it over and get his bank book back (updated with interest too) and see it building up. Dd has had an outdoor playhouse and has put about 50% to the cost from birthday money. If she hadn't had the cash, we wouldn't have afforded the toy. I really dislike vouchers as I always have to pay extra alongside the value of the the gift voucher. I budget to the penny every month (no joke) and finding even £2 here and £3 there really knackers up my budget.

£20 Waterstones voucher for some nice books, half way between money and a gift

But then you have the same problem as with Toys R Us. Twice the price of the internet. A tenner in a card doesn't look tight, its fine. Why would you think she will spend it on herself?

Parents with DCS who receive birthday money generally put it together to buy something big and/or save some, pay for an outing or whatever. Very very few will spend it on themselves.

I'd give £40 - £10 for every year of his life.

Just give as much as you can afford, do you really think she's going to pocket the money for herself?

Is this your DHs sister or your brothers wife? Either way, you do realise you're calling her a thief.

Cash is great - kids at that age get far more presents than they can ever play with properly.

I'm also a big fan of Amazon vouchers. They come the next day if you order them on-line.

I'd give £40 - £10 for every year of his life.

Please do not tell my nephews this! I'll be spending a freaking fortune on them!

I am super happy to give money. Easier than a gift and my nephews have so much stuff anyway.

Mine are older (around 10) and I normally do £20 at christmas and £40 at birthday.