Sister in law asked for money for her sons birthday instead of a present?!

[CleanFreak123]

Hi there,
Call me old fashioned but I think giving a 4 year old a present for their birthday is much more suitable than money. My partners sister is throwing a party for her son tomorrow. I asked what he would like and she said money! Hmm got me thinking that she would prefer the money more like.
How much should I put in a card?

Thanks for advice! £20 in a card it will be. I do have a child myself, she just isn't the most trusting type!

Money is so much easier.
Better then buying something they don't want or need. Or something that will get given to the charity shop or re-gifted.

The cheque wouldn't make a difference - I get cheque in dcs' name, pay into their account, then move the money over into mine (so they can then ask for Xbox points or whatever).
At 4, well if I thought they were having too many presents at once I would like the money to put towards a treat at a later date - a day out somewhere or lots of ice creams!

One of my DC's Godmothers has always sent them vouchers for Toyrsus. We usually wait for a few months after their birthday and then have a day out to spend them. They really love being able to choose themselves.

Coins in a nice bag/small box or in a savings pig? So £10 in £1s and 50ps?

I think the voucher only works if it's for a decent amount of money. At a tenner sadly the child will likely emerge clutching some longed-for toy that the parents have had to add to to buy. (Especially at 4, when costs won't mean much to them).

Milliemollymou that's a great idea!

This is your niece or nephew so why don't you say you'll take him to pick something? That way you know where your money is going plus you get to spend sometime with the little one.

For my sons second birthday I got money from my parents and his godparents. I bought him new shoes and new bedroom curtains and bed linen. Boring I know but stuff that was needed rather than more plastic tat which we are absolutely swimming in.

Get him a nice card and ask her for his bank account details and tell her you want to transfer some money into it for him to save.

Party tomorrow?! I'd reply saying I've already bought his present. If it is to prevent piles of plastic tat then buy books!

YY Annabelle.

And toys r us is bloody expensive. I was in the other week and was shocked at the prices. I can get more for less online.

My sister took my 4 year old shopping to pick and buy a toy for her birthday. They also went to the zoo. That might be a good altrnative?

You did ask.

I never do cash for under 10s, I want to see them open a present!

OP why do you fear that she'll spend the money on herself? Is there a back story?

My friends daughter has just gone 4, and she said there was nothing in particular she wanted. So i went to primark and got her the tackiest, sparkliest purse i could find (a unicorn shaped one, it's brilliant) then put her £10 in, in change so she felt like she had loads of money. She loved it!

She probably spent it all on kinder eggs and pound shop tat but she was very happy

My grandchildren have too many enough toys so I always give money which goes towards things like dance lessons. Suits me.

I have a relative that would spend her dc birthday money on herself too.
We stopped asking in the end and just got what we thought her dc would like.

You could put it into one of those money boxes you have to smash to get it out.

The best thing you can do for your nephew is set up an account and put money in it on occasions. You can buy him a small present for a couple of pounds if you want him to open something. He will thank you when he is 21 and has a few hundred in there.

I agree that when they are little presents are often duplicates or not of interest to the child or create a lot of clutter and are barely used. For that reason money is far more practical. There is such a social dance around gift giving and most of it would be far better avoided. However if you think she will pocket the money then a voucher is a great compromise (just be sure you give a voucher for a shop your SIL can actually get to without a special trip and spending more on petrol than the voucher is worth...)

Voucher amount should be enough to buy something in the shop you've chosen without needing a cash top up, but ten pounds should cover that.

You could give them a cheque in his name or transfer it into his bank account or give vouchers / gift card for a toy shop.

I would only ask for cash for my children's birthdays if I was asked what they wanted and they were saving up for something specific in which case I would tell the person what they were contributing to. When the kids receive cash gifts or vouchers I try to make sure that we always tell the giver what it was spent on (tends to be my parents - so we tell them / show them over Skype, or DH's parents who we see at least once a week so it's easy to remember to show or tell them, or even take them with us when we spend the present money). My mum was the same with us when we were little.

Or, OP, you can buy him a gift from a shop that sells many things he'd potentially like and include the gift receipt so it can be exchanged?