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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have put her to bed without any lunch

54 replies

Butttons · 12/08/2017 14:09

Am totally eaten up by guilt and want to know if others think I've been a cow or if this is normal.

DH is out all day leaving me with 2 DC (4 and 22-months). Younger DD is going through stage of pushing boundaries. A lot. Which doesn't sit well with the thimble-full of patience I have most days.

Took them to the park this morning, then we came home for a late lunch (pizza, homemade with lots of veg before anyone starts). Older child happily eating while younger one just starts messing around with her lunch and pretty much doing everything but eat it (with me giving her encouragement to eat). finally when she pushed her plate away for the 4th time I just broke, picked her up and put her into her cot for her nap. She cried a little for about 5 mins and is now asleep but I feel terribly Victorian for sending her to bed without food. Obviously when she wakes I'll give her lunch and if she doesn't want pizza she can have something else but I just can't stop crying that I've been really really horrible to her. I just struggle so much on the days I'm outnumbered by them.

OP posts:

EsmereldaMargaretNoteSpelling · 12/08/2017 14:12

It's fine, sounds like she wasn't eating because she didn't fancy it and was tired anyway. Like you say, offer it again when she wakes up, but otherwise I wouldn't give it a second thought!

XiCi · 12/08/2017 14:13

I think you did the right thing. If she went to sleep within 5 minutes it's sounds like she was probably too tired to eat and needed a nap. I'm sure she will eat something when she wakes.

Pumpkinnose · 12/08/2017 14:14

She won't starve, we did it once with DS although I think she's a little on the young side for this as she's too little to understand. Give her a decent mid afternoon snack and tea. Onwards and upwards... they were sent to test our patience sometimes!

Chunkamatic · 12/08/2017 14:14

I'm not sure what your alternative was if she wasn't going to eat? She was obviously tired if she's gone to sleep. By the time she wakes up I would imagine she will have forgotten about it.
Try to look at the second half of the day as another chance to feel better and put this morning behind you.

HipsterHunter · 12/08/2017 14:15

She sounded tired. Feed her when she wakes up. No harm done!

woodwaj · 12/08/2017 14:15

You didnt send her to bed without lunch. She refused her lunch! She will eat later, enjoy the peace for a little while :)

VimFuego101 · 12/08/2017 14:15

If it only took her 5 mins to fall asleep it sounds like she needed the nap!

SleepingStandingUp · 12/08/2017 14:17

Agree it sounds like she was tired and needed a nap.

However if you often struggle on days you are outnumbered by them, perhaps have a chat with DH or someone about how you're doing generally. Are you often home with tow two of them alone?

Original poster

Butttons · 12/08/2017 14:18

Ah thanks for reassurance. She's snoring so peacefully now. How long can they survive on thin air??

OP posts:

PinkHeart5911 · 12/08/2017 14:18

Well you didn't put her to bed without lunch as punishment, so don't feel bad.

Missing 1 meal really won't harm, offer a snack when she wakes or she may not eat her dinner later.

You offered lunch, She didn't want lunch, and was asleep in her cot with 5 minutes. It is possible she was just tired from the park and needed the nap more than she needed lunch?

Marmalady75 · 12/08/2017 14:19

Stop giving yourself a hard time.

Liskee · 12/08/2017 14:19

Too tired to eat by the sounds of it. Sounds to me like you did the right thing putting her to bed. She'll have an appetite when she wakes up.

PinkHeart5911 · 12/08/2017 14:19

How long can they survive on thin air?? She's not surviving on thin air, I am assuming she ate yesterday? Had breakfast or a snack today? And your be offering dinner later?

kel1234 · 12/08/2017 14:20

I wouldn't worry about it. My son is nearly 2, he has breakfast in the morning, usually a nap late morning, he usually wakes up between 12 and 1. I offer him lunch every day, but there's been many days he just doesn't fancy it so won't have anything (of course I've tried different things, hot food, cold food..). If they don't want it then there isn't much we can do. She will be fine. Offer something when she wakes up, and I'm sure she will eat dinner later..

Stiddleficks · 12/08/2017 14:20

My dd is the same age and sounds just like yours. She often has a snack mid morning and wants her nap over lunchtime. She is still asleep now and will have something when she wakes. This is the norm most days for us, she will be fine.

demirose87 · 12/08/2017 14:20

She'll be fine, you didn't deny food as punishment, her priority need was for sleep and sounded like she didn't want it anyway.

SleepingStandingUp · 12/08/2017 14:21

When was the last time she ate OP?

JustMeeAgain · 12/08/2017 14:22

Ah thanks for reassurance. She's snoring so peacefully now. How long can they survive on thin air??

A long long time believe me. Dd didn't eat more than breakfast and a snack each day for around 2 month. I don't know why she wouldn't eat and hv assured us she was fine and would eat when she wanted to.

Original poster

Butttons · 12/08/2017 14:22

sleeping I work 4 days a week and then it's usually both of us at the weekend but he's out all day (and last night) so it's been the three of us since I picked them up from nursery yesterday. It's mostly mealtimes that I get really stressed by them not eating and I've stopped taking them out for lunch as much as I used to, partly because money is a little tight at the moment but also because DC2 is going through that pushing back stage and it can be a bit disruptive to others so just having meals and naps at home for a bit until she's a bit more consistent. I've been pushed to tears a few times when out for lunch when it's just me and them whereas if they start playing up at home DH can usually step in. I guess it's just a case of riding it out for a bit

OP posts:

JennyBlueWren · 12/08/2017 14:24

As others have already said if she fell asleep that quickly she obviously needed her nap. You feel bad because it wasn't "planned" but you were responding to the situation you had.

My DS (2 and a half) sometimes refuses meals when he is too tired or just not hungry. He makes up for it at the next meal.

Offer her the pizza when she wakes up or a reasonable alternative.

BertrandRussell · 12/08/2017 14:25

Might you possibly be a bit depressed? Because not being able to stop crying over this is a bit extreme- she was obviously much more tired than hungry so bed was the best place for her. And your comment about the pizza indicates that you are feeing a bit vulnerable about your parenting........

haveacupoftea · 12/08/2017 14:26

Doesn't sound like she was hungry anyway, I wouldn't worry about it.

Purdyandwheezy · 12/08/2017 14:27

After having DS who would never eat a significant amount of food and seemed to exist on thin air (obviously not as 75th centile for weight) and obsessing about how much he was eating, I have adopted a new mentality with DD. It's my job to put healthy food in front of her theee times a day, it's her job to eat it. You offered food, she didn't eat it. If she was starving she would have done. She fell almost straight asleep which wouldn't have happened if her belly was empty. In my opinion there is absolutely no issue here. Enjoy the peace and quiet as she will probably wake up peckish and eat then.

ClemDanfango · 12/08/2017 14:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TathitiPete · 12/08/2017 14:28

I agree with Marmalady, I think you're giving herself too hard a time. Sounds like DD2 needed the sleep more than the food. If the desire for food overtakes the desire for sleep she will wake. (Otherwise she'll wake because the desire for sleep has been sated obviously but either way you're fine.)

I have a four year old and an almost 18 month old and I agree some days are hard. Only with us it's the 4 year old doing the button pushing. If you can try to catch your breath when DD2 is napping. Maybe a mug of tea/coffee while DD1 watches five minutes of TV?

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