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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be uneasy about DS starting nursery in Sept?

38 replies

Lalalax3 · 11/08/2017 21:33

DS will be 3 on 31/08, he has a place at the local school nursery for 3 hours a day,5 days a week. I am a SAHM so was initially delighted about getting a little time to myself but now I'm not sure I'm doing the right thing. He will be the youngest child there, some of the kids will be nearly a year older than him, and is used to being with me all the time.

He has some speech and language delay, and I think nursery could be really good for him in this respect, and to get him viewing other kids as playmates instead of obstacles that obstruct his play objectives! But I do worry about the first few months, he may struggle to communicate his needs to nursery assistants successfully and become upset or anxious. He may be completely out of his depth. Or he might not.

Is it better to send him (and pull him out if he's not coping) or not send him until I think he'll cope better?

OP posts:
Mrscropley · 11/08/2017 21:35

My ds will be 3 on 16/9. Just potty trained this week but still very babyish in some ways!! Very clever though!! Agree it is going to go one way or the other!!
He is 5 mornings til settled then 3 full days with lunch. .

Original poster
Lalalax3 · 11/08/2017 21:37

DS isn't potty trained yet. Says 'no' when I ask him if he'd like to use it and 'it's scary' when asked why. This makes him sound like quite a sophisticated communicator but he's not generally capable of saying how he feels about things. I'm sending him in pull-ups and praying he doesn't poo until he gets home!

OP posts:
Fitzsimmons · 11/08/2017 21:38

Do you have to send him every day to start? Friend had a son with a similar birthday to yours and she started him on 3 mornings initially, then 4, then 5 for the last term.

Original poster
Lalalax3 · 11/08/2017 21:39

Oh that's a potentially excellent idea. I guess I could ask...

OP posts:
Raver84 · 11/08/2017 21:43

I would start woth two or three mornings then build up. In my experience we all worry they won't cope.... they do! The staff will be used to dealing with the issues you mention anf I bet in a few weeks you will wonder why you were worried at all.

TheSconeOfStone · 11/08/2017 21:43

My DD was born on 30 August. Started nursery at 9 months because I work. She had to deal with it and she is absolutely fine, better than fine. She was behind in foundation and yr 1 due to glue ear but has leapt ahead in year 2. At least she was socially ready for school and that has never been an issue. Give your DS a chance. He may surprise you.

Mushroomburger17 · 11/08/2017 21:44

I'd just go for it with the 5 days. Reduce after xmas if there are any problems. At nursery they are quite a mixed bag but the socialisation is great and they seem to love it. Starting school is a natural progression too. Remember that nothing negative has actually happened, it's your fears and what ifs. Understandably so, I do get it, I have an August born myself.

Original poster
Lalalax3 · 11/08/2017 21:45

I do want to give him a chance, but I know he's not socially ready. He's not interested in kids his own age, he quite likes older children though.

OP posts:
Iwannasnack · 11/08/2017 21:45

Building up is a good idea. It's important he goes, he'll get loads out of it. Does he start school next year? They'll help get him ready

Hunkle · 11/08/2017 21:47

Start gradually. I would give it a try.

Original poster
Lalalax3 · 11/08/2017 21:47

He's supposed to start school next Sept, but I'm considering applying for his entry to be deferred until the following year.

OP posts:
WiganPierre · 11/08/2017 21:47

It's not at all important that he goes to nursery. If I were you I wouldn't send him, but if you want to then start him off a couple of mornings and see how he gets on.

Crunchymum · 11/08/2017 21:48

I would says its always better to try and see if it does work for the child rather than not give it a go?

My DS started nursery a few days after his 3rd birthday, 2.5 days per week. He thrived.

Give it a go.

Enidblyton1 · 11/08/2017 21:48

You can definitely ask to ease him in gradually with perhaps a couple of mornings a week to begin with.
Remember this is nursery, not school. Try not to worry about him being young or 'behind'. As long as he settles and enjoys himself, that's all that matters. Our nursery takes children from 2.9 years so when my DD starts in September she will be with some children who don't even turn 3 until Christmas. Are you even sure he will be the youngest?
Good luck!

Crunchymum · 11/08/2017 21:48

Nursery is preschool, separate building in the school he will be starting in September.

Original poster
Lalalax3 · 11/08/2017 21:50

Yes, it's a school nursery class. I'd say it's the school we're sending him to, but we may well be relocating in the spring.

OP posts:
Enidblyton1 · 11/08/2017 21:51

Oh and just saw your post about deferring school entry next September. Please don't even worry about this now. He will change so much over the course of the next 12 months. You don't need to think about deferring entry just yet. Wait until next summer - by then you and nursery will have a much better idea of whether your DS would benefit from deferring.

Original poster
Lalalax3 · 11/08/2017 21:52

Thanks Enid... v reassuring!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lalalax3 · 11/08/2017 21:54

We took him to visit and he absolutely loved it there, was into all the activities and didn't want to leave. I just worry that they'll ask him to do something and he won't understand, or he'll not follow some of the activities.

OP posts:
MapMyMum · 11/08/2017 21:54

Make sure you explain it all to the staff and maybe build his days up as the year goes on. I was very uneasy about my DD because she wouldnt sit still and wouldnt keep her clothes on!! She was fine though and only ever took her socks off thankfully! The worst that can happen is he can not mix well and you can pull him out during the year if its doing more harm than good but he could well surprise you like my dd did

Ankleswingers · 11/08/2017 21:54

I have a late summer born baby and am an end of August birthday myself.

I turned down the School Nursery place of 5 days a week for 3 hours a day.

It would be too much for my DS and as well as that it wouldn't work with my job as I am pt but 3 hours daily wouldn't work.

Instead, my DS is going to start at a different Nursery for two days a week. I am
much happier with that and he starts in September.

Good luck op. Go with your gut and do what you feel is right.

deadringer · 11/08/2017 21:54

3 is the ideal age for most kids to start nursery imo. Children often prefer kids who are a little older, ie at the next stage of development so that is not unusual. He certainly doesn't HAVE to go but it will likely do him a lot of good if he does. How do the nursery feel about him not being potty trained, is it a requirement?

Original poster
Lalalax3 · 11/08/2017 21:56

They haven't mentioned potty training and neither have I!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lalalax3 · 11/08/2017 21:58

I feel like, as he's used to being home with me all day, it'll be better for him to spend his afternoons with me than do two full days. It's an option for sure, I just think it's better for him to not be away from me for that long. Luckily I have a choice in that matter, and completely get why full days would work for others.

OP posts:
Threenme · 11/08/2017 22:04

I would honestly just send him the 5 mornings with the intention that's what he is doing and you won't pull him out! I promise you he will be fine! I've worked in this age group, some take more easing in but they are always ok!!! It is always more anxious for the mum that the child! Treat it positively, talk lots about what fun it will be, make a big deal of picking school coat together etc. There will be kids with loads more needs.