AIBU or is DH

[LoveHeartLove]

I've NC for this. I'm currently quite unwell with a condition with which I suffer from flare ups. (I'm having a severe flare up just now). It's an autoimmune type condition which can also be triggered by stress so I need to allow my body plenty of time to rest & recuperate.

We are travelling to a family wedding back home at the end of the month as we live in another country. We will be travelling through the night on the Wednesday night/Thursday morning (so won't get much sleep that night and I'll need plenty of rest through the day on Thursday), the wedding is then on the Saturday. My DH's only chance for us to all see his sister is on the Friday. I said to my husband I really don't want to over commit our time on the Friday because I need to make sure I have a quiet couple of days before the wedding so as to give myself the best chance of being well for the Saturday. We also have 3 young DC so even just being away from home can be a stress in itself. At worst with this condition, it can affect my ability to walk and it also has a major impact on my appearance. If I have a severe flare up, I won't be able to attend my brothers wedding.

Anyway, DH has gone in a strop about this because he's not seen his sister for months. I understand him feeling that way and did suggest that he spend time with them without me there or maybe I stay for an hour or so but I'm just hurt by the fact he doesn't seem to understand my fear about having a severe flare up. He has made me feel like I'm being unreasonable but I know how important it is for me to prioritise my health and if I run myself into the ground, it'll be me who will be left to suffer.

Please help. AIBU? I think he feels like his family aren't important but that's not the case at all.

OP given the symptoms you have described I now I understand your concerns about going to a wedding and how important it is to you. Get your DH to go alone, with children!

yummum, good for you that you have to get on, yes we all do with a chronic illness but presumably the OP knows her illness and how it affects her and her DH needs to support this. This isn't a case of life going on as a visit to his sister isn't essential to living life so why should the OP just do what her DH wants to the detriment of her health and risk not being well enough to attend her brothers wedding, which is far more important in this scenario.

HIBU. If I don't see my sister for months, I prefer to catch up with her by myself anyway so we can really chat. He can go without you.

Thanks mypatronis that's how I feel.

Before I got ill I didn't have a clue how tiring sitting around drinking coffee could be, but things that I used to take for granted, like showering, getting dressed, travelling can be impossible.
I'd say that your brothers wedding is too important to risk missing, I'd rest as much as possible beforehand, especially after traveling.

For anyone saying youre just drinking coffee - imagine when you are ill and you need to take to your bed or lie on the sofa and youre barely able to make it through the day and get drinks and meals for your DC and that will give you some idea of what life can be like.

Your DH is being MASSIVELY unreasonable & bloody horrible.

FFS you didn't choose to have this illness. You have not chosen to have a flare up. The very purpose of the trip is to go to the (hopefully) once in a lifetime event of your brother's wedding. Everything needs to be geared towards you getting there f at all possible. Extra things beng added in is just not on. He's being a right bloody arse to make you feel bad about not visiting his sister - minimising your illness is nasty. Is he normally this dismissive of you & your illness?

I'm just hurt by the fact he doesn't seem to understand my fear about having a severe flare up. He has made me feel like I'm being unreasonable but I know how important it is for me to prioritise my health and if I run myself into the ground, it'll be me who will be left to suffer

I'd say he does understand...it's very difficult to be the spouse of someone with a chronic illness, you have so much more responsibility, so many more difficulties. It's not just the ill person that shoulders the burdens, at all. It's hard to feel your needs always have to come last.
Maybe he just really wants to see his sister and all you seem concerned about is your brother and his wedding? Surely there is room to talk and compromise?