Not sure if I'm BU, or if she's being rude.

[HandbagWoman]

Feeling a bit paranoid and a bit angry at this friend...I'm trying to see her side but still think she was being rude...but then maybe I'm a hardened cow .

Anyway, the other day a friend was coming around for lunch, and then she messages me out of the blue and tells me or more like orders me to make sure everything is cooked through properly Incase it hurts her baby. For background information, she had a late miscarriage a few months ago and is understandably scared.

What makes me angry is that she's been around my house loads of time. I never leave food left raw pregnancy or not. My first instinct was the ask her if she's ever had food poisoning from my food, which she replied with "no never and sorry if I caused offence" ...I feel like she was being rude to me as a host.

What makes me a bit unsure I'm BU is that she must be really worried this pregnancy (I've had 5 miscarriages myself and know how horribly worrying every pregnancy is). But then, I've just avoided food that may look raw/bad for me instead of ordering my host to cook food through properly.

Anyway. Please decide this for me MN. I'm feeling quite sad about this friend. She did some other quite rude things when she visited this time too, and maybe she's not someone I want to meet again quite soon.

Seems bizarre but then if she has anxiety over her unborn child then she wouldn't be rational

She did apologise..

I understand the anxiety about making sure she eats the right foods while pregnant, but I think it was a bit rude how she addressed it, although I don't think she meant to cause offence as she said.

This alone doesn't seem bad. My DH was on edge constantly when I was pregnant and practically accused everyone of potentially giving food poison.

I think you are being a bit oversensitive.
I would probably reassure her, that of course I will, or invite her to the kitchen and ask 'is this ok' and generally do everything I can to help.

Yes I know she apologised but that's after I told her she'd made me paranoid and if she's ever suffered food poisoning in my house.

I would have seen it as rude or a big deal, I would have just rolled my eyes at the text and then replied of course, as always

She's had a late miscarriage so is feeling particularly vulnerable I guess. Try not to take offence. She's probably just very anxious.

She just sounds scared and cautious, I expect she is taking no chances given her previous experience.

If she doesn't normally act like this then I think YAB a bit U. But considering that you have been through similar, she may also have been a bit U not to consider your thoughts. Friendship can be a minefield at times! But if this is a one off, it seems a bit much to dump her completely over it.

I think yabu and being really over sensitive. Especially given her late miscarriage.

Cross posted there - you told her she made you paranoid?! YABU with that one!

She is being precious but she's probably scared - give her the benefit of the doubt.

FWIW I had food poisoning at 6 months pregnant and the Niro virus at 9 months pregnant- it was flipping hideous and I was hospitalised both times.

Sounds like she has severe anxiety following her miscarriage/stillbirth. You don't sound like much of a friend, to be honest. A good friend would have understood her feelings of anxiety and reassured her, not become defensive and angry.

It's not about food poisoning when pregnant. It's often avoiding things like runny egg yolks, mayonnaise, meat that's still pink - things that it's perfectly acceptable to eat when not pregnant.

YABU. Give her a bit of leeway, she is understandably worried. It's not a big deal

If she's only had her loss a few months ago and is pregnant again she's probably a wreck, so I'd give her a pass on that one if it was a stand alone. But you mentioned other rude behaviour too?
If she's a friend still dealing with trauma, then I'll give her the benefit of the doubt - if it transpires to be just a rude friend at a later stage then you can distance yourself from her then.

Ahhh shes just worried and paranoid.

she apologised but that's after I told her she'd made me paranoid and if she's ever suffered food poisoning in my house.

really? You made a small possiblyott request by a friends who is worried to be about you.

Some mate

She might have been anxious and gone about asking you to do something the wrong way but I think you were the unreasonable and rude one. From your last sentence, it sounds like you don't want to be friends with her anyway so don't be; life is easier and kinder on everyone when friendships are genuine.

What other rude things did she do?

She's your freind, shes been though something very hard that was out if her control, shes paranoid and trying to do the best she can.
Be a proper freind and go with it or step back snd let her find different freinds who will support her

This incident alone isn't bad in my eyes. I'd have just reassured my friend that I'd cook everything properly and not to worry. What else has she done?

I think in view of her circumstances just let it go without a fuss. It's a bit well rolls eyes but really nothing you can't deal with surely.

Cut her some slack. She's a friend. Tell her she's being a bit dafty but you love her anyway.