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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to offer "pregnant women" a seat on public transport?

59 replies

AhhhhThatsBass · 11/08/2017 13:42

Yesterday I was on the tube in London at rush hour. A lady with what looked to me like a very neat pregnant bump - quite hard and round was standing next to me. (I thought I could spot a slightly protruding belly button through her thin jumper, so I jumped to the conclusion that she was indeed pregnant).
Admittedly she didn't wear the badge but not every pregnant woman does.
Anyway a seat came free behind her, in my view and I offered her the seat, rather than taking it myself. She snapped at me: "I'm not pregnant!".
I was a bit mortified but more importantly, I felt bad at the thought that that might have upset her. I didn't actually mention to her that I thought she was pregnant at any point but perhaps she saw me eyeing up her stomach.
I mumbled an apology and sat down myself.
So in order to not risk this again, WIBU to just not offer any other woman a seat unless she is wearing a badge?

OP posts:
QuiteLikely5 · 11/08/2017 13:44

😂😂

InvisableLobstee · 11/08/2017 13:45

She was very quick to take offence, if you didn't mention she was pregnant. You might have just been being nice and letting her have the seat. I would just carry on as you are.

Batoutahell · 11/08/2017 13:46

Nah, she was an anomoly. She's not an excuse to not be kind to the next 'pregnant' woman you see.

WinterIsComingKnitFaster · 11/08/2017 13:46

YANBU obviously. Don't ever offer a woman a seat because you've guessed that they are pregnant. It's not OK unless they have a badge or you know them personally or they've specifically asked.

SilverBirchTree · 11/08/2017 13:48

Haha unlucky! You did the right thing.

I've started to say:

'would you like this seat? I've been sitting all day at work.'

Just in case they aren't as pregnant or elderly as I perceive them to be!

10greenapples · 11/08/2017 13:49

I wouldn't wear the blue badge I think there embarrasing. Anyway you should have just waited to see if she sat down rather than offer her the seat

pringlecat · 11/08/2017 13:50

I only offer a seat if wearing a badge OR rubbing their belly in the way only pregnant women do.

QueenBeet · 11/08/2017 14:01

I have been given seats before because my fat looks like I'm possibly pregnant. Honestly - I don't mind ! Unless the person says "Oh, as you're pregnant, you might want this seat", I don't see the harm. I take it to mean they're either lovely people giving up a seat or I look tired or, yes, I look pregnant. As long as I don't know the reason, I have no problem taking a seat if I get offered one !

specialsubject · 11/08/2017 14:02

Rude cow. ' I'm OK , thank you' would do.

Hope she doesn't bring up any kids with such an awful attitude.

BenLui · 11/08/2017 14:04

She was having a bad day.

Keep offering seats to pregnant women.

FrancisCrawford · 11/08/2017 14:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Guavaf1sh · 11/08/2017 14:11

Funny- there is an exact same thread from the other perspective about this!

PoorYorick · 11/08/2017 14:13

I was so glad when people started offering me their seats, partly because I needed them and partly because it meant I finally looked pregnant and not fat.

chocolatesa · 11/08/2017 14:15

Guava I was just about to say that too! Smile

MyheartbelongstoG · 11/08/2017 14:16

What is the badge?

MargaretCavendish · 11/08/2017 14:22

Hope she doesn't bring up any kids with such an awful attitude.

What a bizarrely irrelevant comment

Maelstrop · 11/08/2017 14:22

People wear badges? Fucking hell, I'm going to get one about my invisible disability!

OP, I would have just told her there was a seat behind her if she wanted. She was unnecessarily rude unless you stared at her belly.

MargaretCavendish · 11/08/2017 14:25

People wear badges? Fucking hell, I'm going to get one about my invisible disability!

You should! Details here: tfl.gov.uk/campaign/please-offer-me-a-seat

CycleHire · 11/08/2017 14:26

'People wear badges? Fucking hell, I'm going to get one about my invisible disability!' - you can get those too.

RiverTam · 11/08/2017 14:28

Lots of people have a 'slightly protruding belly' though. So it seems odd to make that assumption, unless you go on the basis that every non-pregnant person has a washboard stomach?

CalmItKermitt · 11/08/2017 14:35

Rivertam the OP said "slightly protruding belly BUTTON".

LisaSimpsonsbff · 11/08/2017 14:35

I do think it's best not to offer a seat unless you're very, very sure (someone's mistakenly thought I was pregnant before and it is not a nice feeling), but I still think this woman could have been politer about it - 'thanks but I'm not pregnant!', or even just 'no thanks' would have been much nicer!

BananasAreGood · 11/08/2017 14:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thirtyplusone · 11/08/2017 14:38

I recently offered a seat to an older gentlemen on the tube.
He took huge offence that I had considered him old enough to require a seat. Started roping in other men into the conversation about how insulting it was. quietly backs away Blush

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 11/08/2017 14:39

Oh dear OP! I've done similar and it's mortifying, here Wine

Mine was when I was 10, my mum had told me about her friend being pregnant. I'd forgotten which friend it was, and when one came round one day I saw a bump. I said "ooh congratulations Tina" thinking I'm oh so polite. She wasn't pregnant, it was a different friend BlushI kind of did a "ha ha just joking" thing, very unconvincing.

At least I had the virtue of being a child so I could get away with it 😂