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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have BF rage about friend being asked to cover up by boys..

53 replies

Morphene · 11/08/2017 10:39

I honestly thought I was over the BF rage phase of my life.

My friend was asked to cover up after BFing on the school run, and the reasons given was that some 9/10 year old boys were complaining it made them uncomfortable.

Now I get maybe they were scapegoated...but wtaf is the world coming to when 9/10 year old boys get the last say on how an adult woman feeds her baby while dropping her older child to school?

I have such rage.

OP posts:
Batoutahell · 11/08/2017 11:16

It's very important for 9-10yr old boys (and everyone) to see mothers breastfeeding in all sorts of locations, especially if they've not been educated properly that it's not sexual etc. Normalisation is what we need, not going along with some misguided children.

I think the school should have been having the parents of these boys in to talk about how their sons are clearly misinterpreting what they are seeing and need some support and education.

5moreminutes · 11/08/2017 11:17

Who asked her?

If an official representative of the school that deserves a firm email ccing governers and head. If a parent just no, and do it every single day to make the point.

I fed my younger two whilst walking, though with them in a sling - to notice you'd have to be adult height and standing very close looking down into the sling.

ItchyFoot · 11/08/2017 11:17

Well it's not like I wave my boob around but I feed in whatever way is comfortable to me. I'm at covered as I want to be.

User843022 · 11/08/2017 11:17

I don't understand how anyone even saw or knew? I'm presuming if it was whilst dropping dc off she used a sling, so someone must've been looking very hard to have even known.

NotMyPenguin · 11/08/2017 11:35

*It's very important for 9-10yr old boys (and everyone) to see mothers breastfeeding in all sorts of locations, especially if they've not been educated properly that it's not sexual etc. Normalisation is what we need, not going along with some misguided children.

I think the school should have been having the parents of these boys in to talk about how their sons are clearly misinterpreting what they are seeing and need some support and education.*

What @batoutahell said! (This is a great response)

NotMyPenguin · 11/08/2017 11:36

I don't think it matters whether her breasts were visible or not, to be honest. It can be really hard to cover up or feed that discreetly if you're large breasted. There's nothing wrong with breasts being used to feed babies, and this kind of attitude needs to be challenged robustly.

FilledSoda · 11/08/2017 11:36

I'm amazed the boys even noticed.
Who said to cover up ?
If its the school they are on shaky ground indeed.

Notreallyarsed · 11/08/2017 11:37

DS1 is 10 and I honestly can't see him even noticing a woman BFing, let alone commenting on it. I think someone has used it as an excuse to make a complaint. Ridiculous.

Original poster
Morphene · 11/08/2017 12:31

She feeds in a totally 'normal' way, pops baby on, baby is around 4-5 months so there is a bit of on and off - but nothing out of the ordinary.

She has been asked to use a cover. I'm sure we all know that while some babies will deal with that, many won't.

She was asked by the school, on the basis that the boys had complained.

OP posts:
Original poster
Morphene · 11/08/2017 12:34

I know I shouldn't have the rage...she was upset but is planning to 'work with the school on their BF policy' which sounds like the appropriate response....

I think it is the male entitlement aspect that has imploded the rational part of my brain.

And, as many have pointed out, (including me) the boys may not really have been the source.

OP posts:
LazyDailyMailJournos · 11/08/2017 12:44

I'd take the angle of 'supportive concern' and respond to them along these lines:

  • Surprised to be asked to cover up when engaged in a perfectly normal and natural activity, which also incidentally happens to be protected by law.
  • Has the school any thoughts on how they plan to use this as a teachable moment and educate their students about breastfeeding?
  • Isn't the school concerned about sending a rather misogynistic message to their students which misrepresents the purpose of a female's breasts - which are designed for breastfeeding? By asking for this to be covered up, it implies that breastfeeding is something which should be hidden and that breasts exist solely for sexual allure. Wouldn't they agree this is an excellent opportunity to reinforce a message of body positives and normal natural behaviour?

Then I'd sit back and watch them squirm as they try to justify acting the way they did.

JemmyBloocher · 11/08/2017 12:50

I accidentally had my left boob out in it's beautiful, saggy entirety in Pizza Hut once, opposite a table of 10 year old boys (I didn't notice until i felt a draught). My baby had stopped feeding sat up and my top had ben caught rather than coming down properly. They were mesmerised and not at all uncomfortable . I doubt the boys were bothered at all. Rather some unpleasant woman with self-esteem issues and an addiction to the Daily Mail. I share your rage. I hope your friend didn't 'cover up'. Whatever the fuck that is. It's this same crowd that complain about the burqa. Bastards.

Original poster
Morphene · 11/08/2017 16:47

lazy that is exactly the route she is taking...sensible level headed and likely to work. Doesn't get rid of the rage though Grin

OP posts:
ittakes2 · 11/08/2017 17:17

My son is 10 and he would feel mortified if he coped an eyeful of another mum's boob. He wouldn't complain to anyone though - he would just want to put it out of his mind. I'm trying to imagine a mum walking to school through the playground with her boob hanging out - I'm not sure I would want to do that but each to their own.

ForalltheSaints · 11/08/2017 17:33

Perhaps the school need to ask the children why it is uncomfortable for them and it is an opportunity for them to be aware that breasts are not for their viewing pleasure.

NicolasFlamel · 11/08/2017 17:38

I would have thought the school are on a seriously sticky wicket legally and I'm surprised they haven't considered that. It's sad that your friend feels she has to comply and won't take it further.

Fluffyears · 11/08/2017 17:42

I assume these boys have fully functioning neck muscle and can exercise their right to look the other way.

I de friended a test on Facebook who shared one of those breastfeeding pictures with the slogan 'what do you think' saying she should be more discreet! I told her she had s problem and a bottle is just a fake breast but she wouldn't be told to cover that up. We are mammals and that is how mammals feed their young and why woman have breasts.

RadioGaGoo · 11/08/2017 17:58

This situation, along with some of the comments on here, is why I, a new Mum, get so worried about BF in public.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 11/08/2017 18:03

A few years back I remember being at an assembly with my sister for one of her children. A mother had one breast out ( fully whipped out) and her baby nowhere near it. Her reasoning was "just incase baby wanted a feed". It was quite uncomfortable. The baby didn't once have a feed during the assembly but her boob remained out for the entire assembly.

RhodaBorrocks · 11/08/2017 18:06

*Batoutahell

It's very important for 9-10yr old boys (and everyone) to see mothers breastfeeding in all sorts of locations, especially if they've not been educated properly that it's not sexual etc. Normalisation is what we need, not going along with some misguided children*

THIS. With bells on.

My 10 year old DS barged in on me changing once. I was still in my bra but he got embarrassed and told me "breasts are inappropriate". I asked him where he'd heard that and he said from school. Unfortunately when little boys get silly they just tell them it's inappropriate rather than normalizing things.

I told DS that breasts are a body part of all female mammals and their function is to feed their babies, so they can't ever be inappropriate if they are feeding a baby or if they are just there on a lady under her clothes in public.

He's not been embarrassed since and if he does spot a breastfeeding baby he might comment that it's nice that the baby is having their food but them then looks away and we carry on with what we're doing.

I'm sure he still laughs along with his friends at "wobblers" or whatever on the playground, but deep down he knows their purpose and I would never let him be the kind of man who makes a woman cover up (especially as he hated being covered!).

Pretty sure this is pearl clutching teachers or parents who just don't want to talk about boobs with kids. Which just perpetuates the issue really.

HipsterHunter · 11/08/2017 18:11

Fab pot from @LazyDailyMailJournos

RiverTam · 11/08/2017 18:11

The school need to tell those boys what breasts are actually for. If I was your friend I would go and speak to the HT.

BigChocFrenzy · 12/08/2017 09:47

There will always be the occasional daft parent
but I'm astonished - and disgusted - that the school asked her to cover up Angry

Afaik, a shop or an office would get into legal trouble requesting this, becaus there is a right to BF anywhere safe.
At least a business could expect to get hammered on social media

So, I think the school are being very unwise, pandering to the boob-phobes
They are also giving out the message to young boys that boobs are sexual objects and must be hidden away.

Extraordinary for any institution that is supposed to educate the young Angry

BigChocFrenzy · 12/08/2017 09:49

A right to BF anywhere safe where DC of that age are allowed

Malters87 · 12/08/2017 09:58

Who asked her to cover up?!
I'm a secondary school teacher (wasi suppose as now sahm) and the idea that a boy of that age could say something made him uncomfortable or would even notice when they are running around with their friends is laughable.
Your poor friend. I understand your rage. Why the f is it about breast feeding people seem to not get?! It's just eating. Get the f over it. 🙄