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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tell me I'm being a dick

83 replies

Scribblegirl · 10/08/2017 22:26

I just had to walk out of a screening of the new Dunkirk film.

I was crying inconsolably. This happened. These were real boys. Men who actually existed. It can and will happen again.

DP is still in the cinema and I'm camping out in the local spoons, attracting attention of all the local weirdos Blush please share something that makes me feel ok? I feel a bit bereft of humanity right now

OP posts:
SanFranBear · 11/08/2017 09:05

I hate war films - precisely for the reason you give, that whilst they are fictionalised accounts - they are based on real events.

I remember distinctly coming out of Pearl Harbour quite shell shocked and thinking to myself - why on earth did I not realise this was a war film. I think I was blinded by the eye candy cast but even though that's a pretty cheesy war film (if there's such a thing), I was still very effected by it.

This was all pre-children - I honestly don't think I could watch any now I have DC.

SukiTheDog · 11/08/2017 09:06

I was like this, years ago, about Schindler's List. And the opening scene of Saving Private Ryan. Tears. Crushing sadness.

This, is the world we live in. Then. Now. Horrendous reality as entertainment. Sorry, I'm not making you feel better am I? Just focus on all the lovely things you have in your life. Flowers

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/08/2017 09:09

You're not a dick, you're a human with empathy and compassion.
I don't want to see it, because I know it will affect me badly.
I watched "I, Daniel Blake" on the plane recently and was bawling (quietly) - because it's true for so many people, now, and it shouldn't be.

I haven't seen Warhorse either because I know I won't deal with it at all well.

Hope your DP is glad he's seen it and will be sensitive to your feelings around it. x Thanks

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/08/2017 09:11

And, I've never felt strong enough to watch Schindler's List, or Boy in the Striped Pyjamas. I watched The Pianist by accident once (Poland in WW2) - DH thought he was getting The Piano out and got the wrong one - and that was hard enough.

The80sweregreat · 11/08/2017 09:12

Bertrand, my dad is 95 - he can recall so much of his time - he was in the signals and can recall most of the morse code too! ( he is a one off i think!!)

Sad thing is the awful lady Astor who called the Desert Rats ' D day dodgers' - because they were in North Africa or Italy in 1944 so couldnt be called on for the D day landings in France.

The80sweregreat · 11/08/2017 09:13

Schindler's list has stayed with me and i've only ever watched it once.
Man's inhumanity to man.

WeatherDependent · 11/08/2017 09:15

Of course you weren't a dick, you just have empathy.

My soon to be 13 year really wants to see it, he's in the air cadets and has just been to Normandy with school. I'm really not sure, he is extremely emotionally mature and we are very open about emotions etc so I'm leaning towards a yes. What do you think?

LaurieFairyCake · 11/08/2017 09:19

Whenever anyone (usually a Daily Mail reader) talks about the 'Dunkirk spirit' I always think Hmm- you have NO idea what that means.

We didn't fight a war because we're genetically brave and amazing - we fought a war because we had to, because we were cajoled, forced, had no other option.

My grandfather (and grandmother) fought in WW2 - my grandfather couldn't talk about it. He returned an occasionally violent and emotionally crippled man (and he was an alcoholic). Who raised a son who in turn was an abusive and violent man (also an alcoholic). Leading to my generation - the product of alcoholic and abusive parents. There is plenty of research coming out about the long term effects of the war. I think we're still feeling it.

Bluntness100 · 11/08/2017 09:21

To be honest I didn't have this reaction to the movie, I found it sad and interesting and I did have a teary eye at the end, but I wasn't inconsolable.

However Schindlers list affected me for some reason .im not either of the demographics portrayed yet still I walked out of the cinema and left my husband there as I Simoly couldn't watch it. The cruelly upset me too much and I couldn't watch it. In fact I only watched it again recently as I couldn't bring myself to, all these years.

I recently went to Berlin for a long weekend and we went to the topography of terror museum next to the nazi headquarters and I found it shocking and sickening. Real pictures of things they don't tell you in school. I think sometimes there is something that just strikes a cord in you and you react with empathy and distress.

morningconstitutional2017 · 11/08/2017 09:25

I haven't seen the film yet but on Classic FM t'other day they played part of the soundtrack which was very dramatic indeed and must help tremendously with setting the tone. It was as affecting as those ghastly strings for Psycho or the threat of Jaws.

Saw the original in b/w with Richard Attenborough and that was very emotional too.

As a pp said, it's your humanity coming through and in itself that's a good thing, though tough to deal with at times.

CatThiefKeith · 11/08/2017 09:26

You're not a dick OP. I work with several people who remember and/or served in the war, and very few of them speak of it.

I am exactly the same about films like Titanic, so won't be going to see Dunkirk. I know what happened, and it would haunt me for weeks afterwards

BubbaFishy · 11/08/2017 09:26

Definitely not being a dick at all.
I welled up in the first 5 minutes just thinking about how scared these poor men must have been at the time.
It's a highly emotive film, and one I think should be pulled out for history lessons (even humanity lessons) in secondary school.
You do need to see it through to the end though. It's amazing to see how the "normal" folk pulled together to help, and you would like to think that if faced with whatever is going on elsewhere in the world right now, the country would pull together again!

LetZygonsbeZygones · 11/08/2017 09:33

YANBU. You are bound to be far more upset when a film is about something real. When you know this was the experience of so many young men. I felt the same after
Saving Private Ryan and The Pianist and at the end of each showing no one stood up to leave for a while and the place was so quiet. I felt upset and 'out of sorts' for quite a while after each.
When my late DF and others of his generation started 'going on about the war again' when I was a kid I used to wish they'd just 'move on' and stop talking about it. My opinion changed totally after watching Saving Private Ryan. I thought how if someone got out of that alive, they would never be able to forget it or not be traumatised to some degree.

I've not seen Dunkirk yet but expect I will be as upset as I have been watching other films about such terrible events. I think if you can relate to the pain and suffering mental, physical or both, it would be hard not to feel really upset.

Londonyardwork · 11/08/2017 09:59

Someone mentioned the last effects of WW2 through the generations. It might be worth sparing a thought for the young men and women who fought in Iraq and Afghanistan who were also terrified and saw horror ... They belived they were there for the right reasons, but the deifference here is there will be little nostalgia or celebration of their War. I think it will trouble many people for years to come.

GerdaLovesLili · 11/08/2017 10:04

You're not a dick. I was part of a 1917 re-enactment last weekend. We had a "church parade" where the names of the 51 men lost from one small village by "this" point in the war were read out. I was crying hopelessly by half way through. I'm not sure I"ll be able to cope next year when the list will be almost half-as-long again.

TartanDMs · 11/08/2017 10:15

DS17 went with DSS30 to watch it. He came home with red eyes and said how amazing it was, but also deeply traumatic. He has been to Dunkirk and to Ypres with cadets, and may end up in the forces, so he has an interest in history and war.
I haven't seen it yet but am considering watching it on kodi this weekend.

brieandcrackers · 11/08/2017 10:18

Absolutely not a dick - almost left too but decided against it as didn't want to disrupt the packed aisle I was in the middle of.

Many of our grandparents and great-grandparents fought in the war so to see this depiction of the horror they faced at such young ages is overwhelmingly heartbreaking.

Youcanttaketheskyfromme · 11/08/2017 10:24

It upset me as well. I had a relative who was there.

The bit at the end where the lad thinks the public are going to hate them because they "gave up" and came home and can't even look as the train pulls into the platform really upset me.

Notreallyarsed · 11/08/2017 10:26

I don't blame you for walking out OP, I've still not seen beyond the first 10 minutes of Saving Private Ryan for the same reason. I was 15 and walked out of the cinema because I couldn't handle it. I've been to Omaha beach, I've seen the graves, I've met some of the veterans (it was the 50th anniversary of D day when we were there) and it all felt too real.
Because it was real, those young men were quite literally sent into hell.

SukiTheDog · 11/08/2017 11:35

Last year some fusty old MP was discussing the possibility of NOT commemorating WW1 and WW2 on Rememberance Day. He said that it was time to "let it go" and to move on what was, not a glorious time in UK history. I remember stopping dead in my tracks in the kitchen (was on Radio 4) and just hurling verbal abuse at the radio. How dare he! "Time to move on". Gobshite.

NotPennysBoat815 · 11/08/2017 13:17

To my shame this was the first time I understood how young lots of them were and the fact that they were "lads" like ones I know just in hell on earth! For some reason seeing Harry Styles really hammered it home.
The bit with the fire was just too awful. Those poor poor boys.

Tazerface · 11/08/2017 13:38

I really don't think he's being a dick about not coming out with you, but I don't think you're being a dick either. It's an emotional subject - and it's so easy to forget that these were real people.

I get emotional at films too and for this reason I'm not going to the cinema to see Dunkirk - but I don't need the same 'support' as when I'm upset. Because it's different.

MyheartbelongstoG · 11/08/2017 13:41

A little silly perhaps but not a dick.

Original poster
Scribblegirl · 11/08/2017 13:49

Thanks Tazer, was a bit flummoxed at that being the first response if I'm honest! DP has moved a very important work meeting to be with me at a doctors appointment next week, he's a very supportive chap, there's no point him missing out on a movie he's interested in because I can't handle my emotions! He was a total sweetie about it though.

G, maybe that's a better way of phrasing it. When I initially posted I was so worried about sounding like one of those drama llamas who takes everything awful in the world and makes it about them. Maybe I just need to work on my resilience. Ho hum.

I've now inadvertently got two of my colleagues saying that they'll wait until it's on DVD before they watch it.... sorry Christopher Nolan Confused

OP posts:
Blobby10 · 11/08/2017 14:36

Scribblegirl I felt similar emotions to yours when I was with my kids watching a re-enactment of a WW2 battle - complete with 'soldiers' being shot and falling down - it suddenly hit me that there we were having a lovely day and all these people having a lovely time being pretend soldiers pretending to die (some very overdramatically it has to be said!) when actually it was real life - real people died and it felt like taking the mickey out of war rather than an honourable memorial to the fallen.