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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Tell me I'm being a dick

83 replies

Scribblegirl · 10/08/2017 22:26

I just had to walk out of a screening of the new Dunkirk film.

I was crying inconsolably. This happened. These were real boys. Men who actually existed. It can and will happen again.

DP is still in the cinema and I'm camping out in the local spoons, attracting attention of all the local weirdos please share something that makes me feel ok? I feel a bit bereft of humanity right now

OP posts:

2017SoFarSoGood · 11/08/2017 02:29

Thank goodness for people like you. Caring. Sympathetic and empathetic. Able to see how the past informs the future, and to grieve for both. 💐

I shall wait to see it in the privacy of my living room.

AcrossthePond55 · 11/08/2017 02:34

"War is hell" and films like this bring that home to us. How can we not be touched?

I cried during the movie and I wasn't the only one, and I'm in the US. How much 'nearer' it must feel to those of you in the U.K.

Londonyardwork · 11/08/2017 07:48

You are not being a Dick.... you should jave watched till the end though and ill tell you why.... (not a spoiler)

This film depicts absolute despair and hoplessness, the colour, the score, the lack of characterisation ... Its been two weeks since i saw it and im still thinking about it today.

However what Nolan did brilliantly was to use that despair and hoplessness to build to a Crescendo of hope and awe in the last 10-15 minutes. I wont go into specifics but its a cold hearted bugger who doesnt have an emotional respose to that film.

To those who wish to wait until they can watch at home, id encourage a trip to the cinema - the sound is incredible from the roar of the Spitfire's Melin Engines to Hans Zimmers breathtaking score (borrowed heavily from Elgars Nimrod) its a film experience ive seldom had in 40 years of cinema.

overall the film left me hopefull for those men evacuated.... and wondering if - faced with such adversity again our society would have the courage to prevail.

HazelBite · 11/08/2017 07:58

I haven't seen the film yet, but would like to say how profoundly affected, myself and the Dc's were after going to the imperial war museum, the letters displayed, that had been written home by lads a little older than mine and the holocaust exhibition reduced them to tears.
It is the knowledge that this was real, and relatively not that long ago.
When I talk to my 90 year old aunt her memories are very real.

Tanaqui · 11/08/2017 08:03

I find it especially hard at the moment, as I (totally selfishly) suddenly realised that if it was 1940 now, I would very likely be a widow already and lose both sons by 1944- unimaginable. I am glad the films are made, to remind us - but don't go and see Land of Mine, it is a far more traumatic watch than (the film of) Dunkirk.

daydreamnation · 11/08/2017 08:06

Glad I've seen this! My ds is interested in watching it but my gut feeling is no, he's 12 so able to watch it but those who have seen it, what do you think?

lazycrazyhazy · 11/08/2017 08:11

I think it's good that the arts are able to make younger people aware of history. I haven't seen it yet but DD 28 and her BF were intensely moved by it.

Being a post WW2 baby boomer my whole childhood was referenced against the war "before the war we did this", "it hasn't been the same since the war" and "that blew up from the Blitz" (DGPs house was destroyed). Also my DF's own DF had died when he was a baby in WW1 so it was very current for my generation (I'm early 60s).

CaoNiMartacus · 11/08/2017 08:15

I don't think you're being a dick at all.

Certain historic events take on a kind of unreal status when we learn about them within our culture/education. When you realise or remember that actual people were involved, it's heartbreaking.

DressedCrab · 11/08/2017 08:25

I couldn't watch it. A relative's husband was one of the last evacuated and it blighted his life. He has the most horrendous flashbacks and suffered from depression for the rest of his life.

No support then for PTSD.

MotherofSausage · 11/08/2017 08:29

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

ChampagneTastes · 11/08/2017 08:32

I agree with the PP who said that the overall message of the film is of hope and of the kindness of strangers. Reminds me of that phrase "look for the helpers" when you see a disaster and need to be reminded of something good.

Use your sadness to go and put a little good into the world: volunteer for something or campaign. I think half the sadness comes from feels of helplessness.

You're not a dick.

Moussemoose · 11/08/2017 08:34

You are right they were sons, brothers and husbands. Your reaction is more real than any ceremony or church service.
They went to war believing they were doing the right thing and in the case of WW2 they were. By remembering them and crying for them you are honouring their sacrifice.
Well done for crying and seeing their humanity. You have nothing to be ashamed of and lots to be proud of.

Gingernaut · 11/08/2017 08:35

You're human. You're empathetic.

The people this directly affected brought us or our parents up.

You're not being a dick.

Practice your resting bitch face. Set your face right and the weirdos leave you alone.

redexpat · 11/08/2017 08:39

That's why I just dont watch war films anymore. They always upset me and give me nightmares. ALWAYS.

RockyBird · 11/08/2017 08:39

I felt like that at the opening, gratuitous, scenes in Saving Private Ryan.

The80sweregreat · 11/08/2017 08:47

My dad was 18 when he was conscripted into the war - he wasnt at Dunkirk but in North Africa and Italy and the western desert.
His stories are harrowing enough - ( as were my mums of living through the london blitz)
my boys and dh went to see this film and said it was very moving - i cant watch war films, my dad's stories are enough for me!

BertrandRussell · 11/08/2017 08:50

My 16 year old went to see it by himself. He came home and went straight to bed and still hasn't said a word about it.......

Emma71992 · 11/08/2017 08:50

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one. I was in tears from the beginning, had been to a cider festival which probably didn't help I watch a lot of action films etc but like you I couldn't get past the fact that this did happen and probably to distant relatives too

whatdoyousayhey · 11/08/2017 08:53

I have an absolute heart of stone and even had a lip wobble - thought about it for days! You are not being a dick

Moussemoose · 11/08/2017 08:54

RockyBird

I felt like that at the opening, gratuitous, scenes in Saving Private Ryan

Gratuitous? Hmm a very tame version of what actually happened. Gives you a glimpse into the reality but does not show the real horror.

All these films are films and are fictional representations. We need to cry for those men because our imaginations can't do justice to their reality.

BertrandRussell · 11/08/2017 08:55

My dad was 18 when he was conscripted into the war - he wasnt at Dunkirk but in North Africa and Italy and the western desert."
Wow- I thought I was the only mumsnetters old enough to have parents who served in the war.

Original poster

Scribblegirl · 11/08/2017 08:59

Thanks everyone, feeling a bit better this morning to the PP who said I should have stuck it through, DP said the same - I think I'll give it another go when it comes out on Sky store and weep in the privacy of my living room!

It was just impossibly tragic. Every few minutes I'd get carried along with the story and then it would suddenly strike me that it was real and I'd be sobbing again. (TBH I removed myself as much for the benefit of others, no one wants to hear me stifling sobs and ruining their cinema experience!)

I won't make the thread political but some of the things that have been happening in the news in the last year or two (and particularly the last few months) make me feel distinctly uneasy about conflict and the human condition, too. I really struggle to understand how we could possibly have the capacity to do that sort of thing to one another.

Now to work, where I can explain to all why I have a puffy post-late night crying face

OP posts:

maggieryan · 11/08/2017 09:01

I watched schinders list and began a bit of obbession with Aushwitz.Many a night my husband would come home from work.to find me.in tears watching some.documentary about it. I then went to.Krakow and afterwards just stopped watching or reading anything about it so no, dont think yourd a dick.for walking out x

RockyBird · 11/08/2017 09:01

Yes gratuitous. We don't need to see depictions of actual people being blown to pieces.

My granda served in WW2. He was a driver. His truck stank of shit permanently because many of his passengers, who were soldiers of all ranks, shat themselves in fear.

Many choose not to speak about their experiences for good reason.

weebarra · 11/08/2017 09:05

You're so not a dick. I left the cinema (as a student in the US at the time) and burst into tears. I got the Boy in the Striped Pyjamas as a gift and charity shopped it.
I find it very hard to understand. I studied history and know all the facts on an objective level, but as I've become older I've been less able to engage with this stuff as "entertainment"

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