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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be a bit put out at friend?

29 replies

CornyCollins · 10/08/2017 17:47

So I have a friend who recently announced she was going to do a very short charity running event trying to raise money for her pet's vet bills. They knew the animal would have significant vet bills when they took it on.

She has sent the link around ad nauseum with lots of stories about how the poor animal needs various things doing. Now I agree it's very sad that this poor animal needs treatment but I don't think they should be asking for all their friends to pay for it? We have a cat and if he needed treatment we would find a way/take out a loan etc. I wouldn't dream of asking my mates to cover it. They have some insurance but that will only cover about 1/3 of the cost but none of this treatment is a surprise.

What has left me feeling a bit put out is that she has recently been posting pictures on FB of her enjoying champagne and nights out. I felt pressured to sponsor her as we are friends/acquaintances and knew she would get very arsey the next time our paths cross if I didn't (and I totally agree that I didn't have to - but felt like I was a bit emotionally backed into a corner as our other halves used to work together) but AIBU to be generally asking WTF?

So yes, I ended up sponsoring her but still it's not like we can afford much, and then I have to look at pictures of her enjoying champagne at a hotel and "date nights" out with her other half? We are not hugely flush at the moment so I certainly don't get to do things like that. The money I sponsored her was probably less than those glasses of champagne cost!

She is not working at the moment (but is freelance so definitely could) and has full time au pair for their 3 yr old son. Not sure what she does all day.
Yet expects other people to chip in for vet bills?

She mentioned that another friend had said something along these lines to her, she was absolutely raging when she told me and said they'll never speak to her again and how dare she say that? I kept quiet but internally agreed with what the friend had said.

I had tried to just shrug it off as one of those things until I saw those photos of her drinking champagne in an expensive hotel and just saw red. Since when is GoFundMe a means to get other people to just fund your life??

I do totally accept that I was under no obligation to sponsor her and I'm definitely backing away from this friendship as I just feel we are coming at life from very different perspectives but am I alone in thinking charity runs should be for charity?

If it is for a sick child or sick friend/relative who desperately needs medical treatment and you're flat broke then that's obviously a different story but if you can afford to shellac your nails every 3 weeks and drink champagne in posh hotels then AIBU to think you've got no business asking your friends to cover your pet's vet bills?

Then again, maybe it's me...Grin

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 10/08/2017 17:50

Have you given her the money? If not, I'd make sure I never gave it to her.

talonofthehawk · 10/08/2017 17:50

YANBU
I'd redeact my offer of sponsorship and tell her why.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 10/08/2017 17:50

It's not you, it's her. YANBU. She is very entitled, and pretty stupid to be posting champagne pics on FB at the same time.

ImperialBlether · 10/08/2017 17:50

I just can't see why you agreed to this when you have a pet yourself. I wouldn't want to keep her as a friend - why do you want to?

TheSnowFairy · 10/08/2017 17:51

You could have said no to the sponsorship so YABU.

People like you will make her think she is reasonable and will continue to do it!

VisitorFromAlphaStation · 10/08/2017 17:53

Why not temporarily hide her on your Facebook feed, I presume there is where she's sending those links and pictures? The "sponsormoney" was the price of continued friendship, as you point out, but it'd be quite unreasonable for her to ask for more. I would be very annoyed if I were you.

Nikephorus · 10/08/2017 17:59

YANBU.

Notevilstepmother · 10/08/2017 18:09

I think I'd be inclined to let this friendship go.

CornyCollins · 10/08/2017 18:09

Like I said, I know I should have said no to the sponsorship (and why) but having witnessed how she reacted just SO violently to someone that did that I felt like I had no real option if I wanted the friendship to continue on any level.

Between her and her DP I think I received the sponsorship link about 10 times on FB, text and email.

In a lot of ways we have always got on very well so I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. It's the recent photos after the event that have really made my blood boil.

OP posts:
Witsender · 10/08/2017 18:11

Just say no surely? She doesn't sound like much of a catch as friends go, would it be a loss if she got irate and didn't speak to you again?

LilQueenie · 10/08/2017 18:23

wait were the champagne sipping pics after the event of during the raising of the money for it?

Willow2017 · 10/08/2017 18:26

Can't see why you are so keen to keep her. She isn't a friend she is a freeloader. Bet she wouldnt have a penny to pay your vet bills.

Barefaced cheek should be met with 'you are joking right'?

Goldmandra · 10/08/2017 18:28

You feel obliged to give money to her because she will get angry with you if you don't?

How does her friendship benefit you, if at all?

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/08/2017 18:38

YANBU at all. That would seriously piss me off. Very entitled. You say you are backing away from this friendship. If you are, perhaps you should consider retracting this offer. If you do give her the sponsorship money, will you be choosing to give her the money because you are afraid of her reaction? Having to comply for through fear isn't a friendship.

CornyCollins · 10/08/2017 18:45

Lilqueenie - no the champagne sipping pics were completely unrelated, happened a few days after the running event.

As far as the friendship goes, she and I had always got on very well up until this whenever we saw each other. As I said, I am going to be backing out of this friendship going forward as we clearly see some things very differently. I guess I was just interested to see whether other people think the whole thing was a bit cheeky. I had read in the newspapers stories about people taking the piss a bit and using GoFundMe for holidays and stuff but have never experienced it from someone I knew.

OP posts:
KurriKurri · 10/08/2017 18:50

Set up a rival GoFundMe and ask her to sponsor you - say you need funding because you have been paying other people's vet bills for them.

rollonthesummer · 10/08/2017 18:52

I avoid things like this like the plague-what a 'f*cking liberty' as nan from TCT show would say!

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 10/08/2017 18:52

I blanket refuse sponsorship.

Gofundme and the ilk really give me The Rage.

CornyCollins · 10/08/2017 18:52

KurriKurri Grin

OP posts:
LilQueenie · 10/08/2017 18:53

Was her pet really ill or is it possible the whole thing was a scam for easy money. She was being over the top defensive.

CornyCollins · 10/08/2017 18:56

No, pet definitely ill so I know that part isn't a scam. As rollonthesummer put it, I just felt like it was a f*cking liberty!

OP posts:
Bunnyfuller · 10/08/2017 19:01

Is she a registered charity? It's not 'run for charity'. What a cheek!

CoraPirbright · 10/08/2017 19:03

Is there any way you can recall your money or cancel your contribution or have you already given her cash? Lots of us would love to have champagne and au pairs and do not expect others to fund our lifestyles. More front than Blackpool!

RiotAndAlarum · 11/08/2017 17:27

Backing away from this friend should be getting easier all the time: your OHs no longer work together, and you have at least one fewer mutual friend (after Madam GoFundMe alienated her). Unfollow her on Facebook for a next step!

Motoko · 11/08/2017 17:50

You could have just told her you couldn't afford to sponsor her.

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