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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wear ear plugs in the car on journeys with the kids

78 replies

Justoneme · 10/08/2017 11:55

I have 4 DCs between 7- 10 years old. On car journeys with them and DP my DCs get so, so loud and it really stresses me out to the point of shouting at them to be a quiet. So I am now wearing ear plugs to block out the noise and hopefully not be as stressed.

It doesn't seem to bother DP as much.

Am I over reacting, should they be able to scream and shout or is wearing ear plugs a reasonable thing?! I have even got out the car and walked for a bit alongside it in traffic when they get loud.

Any related experience helpful, please!!

OP posts:
cunningartificer · 10/08/2017 17:59

I agree that stopping the car is effective--it worked for me, and meant I didn't get wound up while driving. Split 2x2 may make it easier also. Also, if you have a DP who is not driving, try getting him to sit between two in the middle row of the back, and have one child up front. The best behaved child gets to sit in the front (most kids love this) and the adult can deal quickly with squabbles and noise level.

But you can't just let the situation go on as it won't solve itself, and others are right--it could be fatally distracting.

drinkingtea · 10/08/2017 18:10

Justoneme stopping the car and reminding the children that distracting the driver can cause a crash is something that works equally well with guest children, so no reason at all not to do that with step children.

However you and your partner need to work as a team and have a conversation - repeated, ongoing conversation if necessary- and be on the same page. Absenting yourself by putting in ear plugs is arseholary - one of those noisy kids is biologically yours, and 3 are your step kids.

If you were giving a parent from another family and their child a lift along with yours would you stick in ear plugs and ignore the other adult and child as well as your child?

PoppyPopcorn · 10/08/2017 18:12

Children aged between 7 and 10 should know they shut the fuck up when a parent is driving.

Katsite · 10/08/2017 18:18

In our car the driver drives and the co-pilot takes care of all other business: navigation, food, drinks, entertainment and shouting at educating the DC. Grin

bungle99 · 10/08/2017 18:20

OP,
I feel your pain. One of my DC has got ASD and is noise sensitive. She gets the noise sensitivity from me!
So i now have ear defenders when it's getting too much. In the car I don't wear them but they have to be quiet whilst I'm driving otherwise I've told them we may have accident (noise is very distracting to me). I only have 2 Dc so it's easier to enforce.
Can you do something like this? E.g. Explain you need silence in car and if you don't get it just take them home. So plan an outing you know they want to go in and then drive back home when they make noise (cos they will first few times).

Katsite · 10/08/2017 18:21

I used earplugs when DC were babies, at 7 to 10 not so much.

megletthesecond · 10/08/2017 18:27

I've been tempted to do this. But I'm a lp who is always doing the driving. The dc's know how dangerous it is to fight and shout but it doesn't stop them. I've read then the riot act so many times. I can't give them tablets because dd has form for throwing stuff in the car.

kirsk yy, police riot vans have the right idea.

JustDontGetItAtAll · 10/08/2017 18:31

The title of this thread made me laugh ever so slightly! X

JustDontGetItAtAll · 10/08/2017 18:32

Problem is, you need to be able to hear sirens.... Not just an inconvenience to the Emergency Services but dangerous, obvs... x

stayathomegardener · 10/08/2017 18:42

Choose a journey where the children want to arrive at the destination, Granny's, a party etc.
Warn them that it is dangerous to be so noisy when someone is driving and remind them you will have to pull over every time.
And do so.
It should not take long to entrench this.
Really dangerous to drive so distracted.

Katsite · 10/08/2017 18:43

I used earplugs when DC were babies, at 7 to 10 not so much.

LoniceraJaponica · 10/08/2017 18:43

"Seriously is no one in the same position having noisy kids in the car?!?"

I have been. I just shouted at them to be quiet.

fuckingroundabout · 10/08/2017 18:44

my nearly 3 old is fucking horrific in the car. she just doesnt get it at all!

HerRoyalNotness · 10/08/2017 19:09

"Seriously is no one in the same position having noisy kids in the car?!?"

Of course! I pull over until they stop and have cancelled a day out. Always reiterating how distracting the screaming and yelling etc is for the driver.

I only let them have DVDs if driving longer than 3hrs. Otherwise they can stare out the window, play I spy, or talk about other inane stuff, or listen to music.

flumpybear · 10/08/2017 19:27

You can't control your four small kids in the car - goodness - my children are absolutely angelic in the back of my car

IN MY DREAMS!!!!!!!

Love the thought of wearing ear plugs - alas why didn't I think of that Confused

My kids are like yours - they're fabulous but bloody hell they bicker 👿 but they're kids and I try to zone out after the millionth time of telling them to pack it in ....
Gin

Original poster
Justoneme · 10/08/2017 20:56

Just want to say thank you all for your posts, I really appreciate them.

Sorry, I didn't say that 3 of th children are step children so I find it difficult to parent them ... my little person can be just as loud but will stop when I give them the "look"

OP posts:
Pennywhistle · 10/08/2017 23:14

Ah the old "perfect parent" retort. Hmm

I tend to view that kind of comment in the same vein as "you're so lucky your children are well behaved"/your children are just naturally compliant/that doesn't work on my "spirited" child. Angry

All of which ignore the years of blood, sweat and tears it took us to get to "naturally" well behaved children.

OP I can see that being a step parent might complicate the issue - would it help to consider this as a health and safety issue rather than a parenting one?

I give pretty short shrift to disruptive or distracting drunk adult passengers let alone kids.

As driver you are legally responsible for your passengers safety regardless of your relationship to them.

I happily tell off any child I was giving a lift to whether they are mine or not if they misbehave. I think you need to speak to the kids about appropriate car behaviour in advance of journeys and explain why it's so important.

BishopBrennansArse · 10/08/2017 23:53

I'm deaf and I drive - I fail to see the issue. I'm constantly on the look out for blue lights and can feel that the car is 'right' or not.

Why shouldn't I drive? Confused

safariboot · 11/08/2017 01:52

Bishop, I'd say that because you're always deaf you will have learned to deal with it. A hearing person with their hearing temporarily impaired won't have learned those skills. Also even if it does affect your driving a bit, it's not by your choice.

GreeboIsACutePussPuss · 11/08/2017 02:16

If they are distracting you while you are driving you pull the car over as soon as it is safe to do so and tell them you can't drive while they are being so loud. then you wait for them to quieten down before moving. you then do this every time they play up. They will get the message soon enough. My dad used to do this with my friends, when driving the scout minibus etc so perfectly fine to do with stepchildren.

Out2pasture · 11/08/2017 02:30

I live somewhere where long road journeys are really common (6+ hour road trips).
Known many people to wear ear plugs, prior to personal electronic toys.

waitingforthewaterwars2 · 11/08/2017 02:56

Screaming, shouting etc from kids in the back seat- beyond normal small squabbles is distracting, and dangerous. We used to live a long way out of town so everyday spent at least 3 hours in the car, to get tp shops, schools etc.
One son used to let out ear piercing random screams that startled me enormously, and was damn well dangerous ( 8). The other used to throw toys at me (4) while I was driving again, really dangerous. Or they would fight loudly and try to rumble in the back seat
My solutions were :

.- To pull the car over everytime it happened, and explain we were going nowhere till they stopped, and if it happened again we would go home. ( And I did, several times)

  • to remove all toys from back, and explain why
  • to explain clearly that they could make me crash the car, over and over. And explain they could hurt themselves and other people if they caused an accident.
  • to put on really heavy metal music that they hated and turn it up so I could not hear them ( stopped them quite effectively)

But, your husband needs to either do something when you are driving, or drive himself so you can do something about it. He should respect that it is concerning you and if he can't be arsed stopping the distraction or it doesn't concern him then he should drive.

Kursk · 11/08/2017 04:12

BishopBrennansArse

I agree with you, you don't need to hear to drive. It helps, but it's not what I would call a requirement.

SpartacusSaiman · 11/08/2017 06:08

Disclaimer - i am not perfect.

However i have taught my kids to keep the noise down on long journeys. Dh usually drives and watch the kids.

In fact my dad was once a passenger in my car and dd eas in the back and he asked if dd was ok because she was so quiet. I asked her and she was fine. He asked because her and my mum were both noisy when he had them in the car.

Dd understood that she needed to be quiet when in our car. But mum encouraged dd to be loud.

Ds does not comply so much. But i chat to him and remind him to be quiet when he starts getting loud or giddy. Which he then does for a bit.

You cant wear ear plugs when driving. Your kids are old enough to understand its distracting for the driver. Your dp needs to manage their behaviour since he isnt driving.

SpartacusSaiman · 11/08/2017 06:10

I also agree with pp. If you are used to not being able to hear thats not a problem. No one said deaf people shouldnt drive.

However it is disorientating if you are used to hearing.