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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wear ear plugs in the car on journeys with the kids

78 replies

Justoneme · 10/08/2017 11:55

I have 4 DCs between 7- 10 years old. On car journeys with them and DP my DCs get so, so loud and it really stresses me out to the point of shouting at them to be a quiet. So I am now wearing ear plugs to block out the noise and hopefully not be as stressed.

It doesn't seem to bother DP as much.

Am I over reacting, should they be able to scream and shout or is wearing ear plugs a reasonable thing?! I have even got out the car and walked for a bit alongside it in traffic when they get loud.

Any related experience helpful, please!!

OP posts:

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 10/08/2017 14:16

I often wish we had a little screen like in limos where you can just wind it up when you don't wanna hear people in the back

Hillarious · 10/08/2017 14:19

Never had a problem with kids being so noisy in the car. We always had a good supply of music we all liked. Best of all was listening to ALL the Harry Potter stories. It was great having Stephen Fry on board reading the books over a very long period of time. Start now with the 7 to 10 year olds and it will be perfect.

RainbowPastel · 10/08/2017 14:22

Very dangerous to wear them if you are the driver. You won't hear the emergency services.

Pennywhistle · 10/08/2017 14:23

7-10 is plenty old enough for them to be able to understand about being quiet and not distracting the driver!

I don't shout to get them to quiet down, it's not necessary. I tell them to play more quietly if they are too animated and usually distract them with a word game.

If they can't behave themselves we test times tables. That has a wonderfully sobering effect...

splendide · 10/08/2017 14:23

So you're the driver but you walk next to the car? Definitely unreasonable.

safariboot · 10/08/2017 15:19

Why isn't DP getting the kids to quiet down?

Glumglowworm · 10/08/2017 15:26

Yabu if you're the driver

They're plenty old enough to be taught how to behave in the car. You and DP need to parent them and teach them. Yes they will forget and get over excited, so as the parents you step in and stop it.

heartshapedpositnotes · 10/08/2017 15:29

To everyone saying it's dangerous to wear earplugs, if that were the case then deaf people wouldn't be allowed to drive, which they are. A quick google says research shows that being deaf has no negative impact on driving safety.

Plus, earplugs don't cancel out all noise (sadly), they just muffle it. You still hear the emergency services.

Stick them in OP and enjoy the (relative) peace!

Mojomarm · 10/08/2017 15:44

A quick google says research shows that being deaf has no negative impact on driving safety

Er, heartshapedpostitnotes, a 'quick google' says although not illegal to wear earphones while driving, it's highly unadvisable and could lead to you being charged anyway if there was an accident.

To wear ear plugs in the car on journeys with the kids

heartshapedpositnotes · 10/08/2017 15:52

Fair point mojoarm. My quick google did involve seeing the first entry and thinking 'aha, this supports my argument I shall go forth and preach and ignore anything that contradicts it!'

Original poster

Justoneme · 10/08/2017 16:02

When I got out the car I got my DP to drive. I do pretty much all the driving normally.

OP posts:

Papafran · 10/08/2017 16:16

Can your DP do more of the driving? That might be stressing you out too. Also, whoever is not driving needs to be calming the DC. But I would seriously try the stopping the car thing. Used to terrify the shit out of me and my siblings if my mum did that and we were instantly quiet. As well as turning back round and going home if going somewhere nice etc. They are definitely old enough to understand.

caffeinestream · 10/08/2017 16:20

What do you do to keep the kids entertained?

Have you tried games, audio books, DVD players, game boys or something? Car journeys are dull as ditchwater for kids - they're stuck in a confined space and normally have nothing to do, so they wind each other up/bicker.

About ten people have asked this and you seem to only be answering the questions you want to answer.

TitsalinaBumSquash · 10/08/2017 16:25

Lol, it's lovely that Mumsnet is full of perfect parents who can 'train' their children to be quiet so easily.

So come on then, what's the secret to this parenting thing? Distraction? Doesn't always work, punishment? Doesn't work, sanctions? Doesn't work. I have 4 and sometimes (not always) they're determined to wind each other up and that ends up in 1-4 of them yelling, the seating plan makes no difference and a threat (that is always followed through) of a lost tv privilege or a lost Xbox or toy or whatever it is doesn't nothing, they don't care.

friendlessme · 10/08/2017 16:30

Not sure why people think it is helpful to simply say 'train your children to be quiet'! How ffs? I have 2 and they get loud. They have loud voices, they wind each other up, they laugh, argue, sing etc. I give them consequences, I have stopped and got out, I have turned around and driven back home, I have shouted. All work for a limited time. Then the next time they get caught up in their own little world the noise rises again. So come on perfect parents tell me HOW you train your children to be quiet?

LonginesPrime · 10/08/2017 16:40

At those ages, they should enough to understand how dangerous it is for a driver to be distracted, so I would sit down and explain it to them before the next journey. If they want to know what if feels like to drive under those conditions, you could try 'bickering' with your DH behind their head when they're trying to concentrate on something, to show them how difficult it is.

When mine were younger I would pull over and sit in a layby for as long as it took for them to be quiet and stop making noise, on the basis that it's unreasonable to expect me to be able to concentrate on driving under those conditions and is unsafe. I would then pull over and do the same if it happened again (obviously, you have to leave more time for the journeys this way).

That said, I would expect that if there's another adult in the passenger seat, they should be addressing any issues with distracting behaviour in the back for the sake of everyone's safety.

MudGolum · 10/08/2017 16:57

Whoever's not driving sorts the kids. If you drive it's his job to see to them.

I'm hearing impaired. Having a laugh at the idea I can't drive because of it.

drinkingtea · 10/08/2017 17:01

Tits it's not about being perfect - mine get loud too, and generally sanctions and threats are about parents convincing themselves they are hard core but don't work. The OP's children aren't toddlers - if they get too loud you stop the car, and remind them that being loud and wild is distracting and could cause a crash. That does work for NT kids over 5. Story CDs are also massively helpful, if necessary allowing older siblings their own music device and headphones.

What's obnoxious about Justoneme 's post is the idea that he or she is allowed to simply opt out of the bits of parenting they don't like, and virtually or completely absent him or her self and leave the other parent to deal with anything annoying or stressful.

caffeinestream · 10/08/2017 17:03

Who's said anything about perfect parents?

People have asked what the OP has done to prevent shouting/loud noise/squabbling and she hasn't replied. No, kids aren't perfect and every child has a moment where they tantrum, ignore their parents and cause a distraction, but lots of things can be done to try and prevent this.

Slimthistime · 10/08/2017 17:10

it makes no sense that the stressed out person is doing the driving.

the fact that they are shouting and you are stressed sounds like a recipe for disaster in the first place.

Original poster

Justoneme · 10/08/2017 17:53

Really appreciate all the posts.
Sorry I missed out the fact 3 of the children are my step children so I do find it hard to parent them.

OP posts:

Slimthistime · 10/08/2017 17:55

OP that makes me wonder even more what use your DP is in controlling the children when you are driving? Sorry if I've misunderstood anything.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 10/08/2017 17:58

When mine were small we had a rule that whoever wasn't driving sorted the kids. We used audiobooks, we took turns to choose a song on the iPod and sang along, we played guessing games like Who Am I and who can spot something out of the window first, and we chatted.

This was all pretty much pre DVDs and in car screens. We did some long journeys too; went camping in Europe every year and visited grandparents 4 hours away. Yes it can be hard work and a bit boring but it was fine.

bridgetreilly · 10/08/2017 17:58

There is a big difference between deaf/hearing impaired people driving and hearing people putting in earplugs. I use my hearing a lot while I'm driving - to listen to the engine, for other traffic, sirens etc. Of course you can drive safely without hearing those things, but you have to learn how you compensate in other ways. Suddenly cutting off those noises with earplugs is definitely dangerous.

The long term solution is to teach your children that it's not okay to get loud in the car. When you're all in the car, that's the non-driver's role. Even if it doesn't bother him, it bothers you and you're driving. He needs to make it clear up front that they need to keep the noise under control, and then enforce that.

BackforGood · 10/08/2017 17:59

Lol, it's lovely that Mumsnet is full of perfect parents who can 'train' their children to be quiet so easily

I haven't seen anyone claiming to be perfect. However, yes, it is part of parenting to teach children how to behave - that can be at a table, out in public, in your car, in a queue, at the cinema, in a crowd, at a funeral at an interview, in a toddler group, or wherever they are. Nobody is claiming it is instant, or even easy, but it's just what you do. People have also made useful suggestions as to how to help in this particular scenario.

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