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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report my neighbour to social services

74 replies

Governoress86 · 09/08/2017 18:52

I made a thread about my neighbour as we don't get on.

However the grandson has 2 little kiddies, ones 18months and one is 3.

His grandma has the tenancy and he moved in with her in january, she has dementia and has a tendency to fall alot. However her grandson has a tendency to leave his children with the grandma and he will go out For A couple Of Hours
He also leave them i n his car unattended for long periods of time because they are asleep.
A couple of weekends ago the youngest was left unattended in The Back Garden Where She was In A Paddling Pool On Her Own And She Can Get Out On To The Road Aswell. He Drinks A Couple Of Bottles of Wine Every Night And I Have Heard Him Slap One Of His Kids Through THe WAll.

A COouple Of People Have Told Me To Report Him But Im Unsure Would I BU ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Governoress86 · 09/08/2017 21:50

Thank you for all the advise. I will definitely be giving nspcc a call and see what they say.
I would never make anything up about a child being neglected or being abused that is just a terrible thing to do. I'm not a horrible or nasty person, I'm just concerned for them even though we are not getting on.

OP posts:
TroelsLovesSquinkies · 09/08/2017 22:06

I'd call Adult Social services for the grandma. She needs protection, she has dementia, she falls, she needs looking after, not to be looking after others.

PersianCatLady · 09/08/2017 22:10

I won't go into it now because it upsets me too much but I have spent three years trying to get some help for some kids who I know are being abused and neglected and I got nowhere.

The police, SS and the NSPCC did nothing so I would say to you to just leave it, it isn't worth how much it will consume you.

Embarrassedemma · 09/08/2017 22:21

I'm sorry that's your experience persiancatlady but surely that's not the advice to give? It may be in your case there wasn't enough evidence etc but this case may be completely different.

PersianCatLady · 09/08/2017 22:44

It may be in your case there wasn't enough evidence etc but this case may be completely different
Basically I have cried myself to sleep thinking about those kids.

I have watched them out of the window begging to be allowed in their own home at midnight in January in thin pyjamas while their drunk "mother" tells them to fuck off.

Sorry actually I can't talk about it anymore because I am crying about them now.

I will say this

DON'T LISTEN TO MY EARLIER ADVICE OP PLEASE TRY YOUR BEST TO GET THESE KIDS THE HELP THAT I COULDN'T GET FOR THE ONES THAT I KNOW.

persiancatlady but surely that's not the advice to give
Sorry embarrassedEmma thanks

Embarrassedemma · 09/08/2017 23:05

Persiancatlady,
That sounds absolutely unbearable.
How old are these children?
You must feel powerless but you sound like you've tried very very hard and that's all you can do x

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 09/08/2017 23:06

it is illegal to leave children unoccupied in a car

Which law is this please?

OP YABU not to have reported it already.

MyWhatICallNameChange · 09/08/2017 23:13

That's awful Persian. I had a neighbour who was abusive and neglectful to her kids. She took drugs, was violent to others, drove without a licence, drugs raid, left the kids home alone etc. She was in prison for glassing someone and the kids put in care. And yet she got them back over and over. We moved there when her kids were 3 & 1. They were finally taken off her at 11 & 9. About 8 years too late. So much damage done to those poor kids. Sad Sometimes I wonder what the hell SS are playing at.

10greenapples · 09/08/2017 23:41

Really persiancat lady? I got reported to ss for much less than that and they were all over me like a rash!

PersianCatLady · 09/08/2017 23:57

Really persiancat lady?
Honesty, I can't go into now because I will be up all night thinking about them and I know it sounds selfish but I had to put the situation out of my mind because I felt myself starting to go downhill mentally because of it.

I have kept evidence of everything I tried to do and proof that I was told that I had to accept that not every body lived in the same "traditional" way as me.

I don't think that putting little kids outside at 8am and not allowing them in again until 1am is ever acceptable, no matter how "untraditional" your lifestyle is.

If anything happens to those kids and the authorities claim that they didn't know then I will shame them and I will never forgive myself for not ruining myself to get them help.

Embarrassedemma · 10/08/2017 07:52

That sounds awful, so sorry you've had to witness such cruelty.

randomer · 10/08/2017 09:07

Persian to give yourself some peace of mind could you write with dates exactly what you saw. Copies to all relevant agencies and keep a copy

Lostbeyondwords · 10/08/2017 11:25

Sorry, has anyone asked this, why on earth do you have a camera that looks into someone's garden (is it shared?) and at the children in it? You're not supposed to record other people op, only what is reasonable for the recording of you're own property.

PersianCatLady · 10/08/2017 11:34

Persian to give yourself some peace of mind could you write with dates exactly what you saw. Copies to all relevant agencies and keep a copy
After the first few incidents, I went back through my old e-mails and phone bill and created a log of incidents.

After each new incident, I would update it and send it to each of the parties who I had contacted for help, so:

  • Children's Social Care Team
  • NSPCC
  • Police
  • Safe guarding Children Board

When something happens to those kids, you will all see me on the news saying that I reported all of this and no-one cared.

I expect that a spokesperson for these agencies will claim that they didn't know about this situation and that I am making unsubstantiated claims, please ladies remember me and this post (and others).

Thank you.

lozzylizzy · 10/08/2017 11:38

Not dismissing anything here but how do you hear a 'slap' through the wall?

AwaywiththePixies27 · 10/08/2017 11:41

Who are the other people that agree with you on this OP?

AwaywiththePixies27 · 10/08/2017 11:51

I'm not sure about the wine thing to be honest. I'm practically teetotal these days but if I was to report anyone who liked a glass bottle of wine or two in the evening I'd be reporting half my facebook friends going by the obligatory feet up and glass of wine photos!

Ring NSPCC and see what they advise.

randomer · 10/08/2017 12:15

Persian what response did you get please

10greenapples · 10/08/2017 14:34

I'm sorry but in my experience social services are over zealous so I'm quite surprised persiancat lady.anyway also wondering about cameras in peoples gardens? And hearing a slap through the wall??

Mittens1969 · 10/08/2017 15:22

@10greenapples, it depends who the social worker is tbh. They are very over-stretched so it's very mixed. You must have heard of the cases of children who have slipped through the net, like baby P.

But you also get cases like my 2 DDs and others who are successfully adopted when birth parents are definitely not able to parent children because of lifestyle issues (drugs, DV etc.) but go on giving birth to babies.

Embarrassedemma · 11/08/2017 07:02

I

10greenapples · 11/08/2017 11:49

Since baby p I find them over zealous (not before) like none of them want to slip up so they go ott to cover themselves. That's my experience.

Mittens1969 · 11/08/2017 12:19

It can be true, they can be like that. As I said, they're inconsistent. Otherwise we wouldn't still be hearing on the news about children slipping through the net.

10greenapples · 11/08/2017 12:23

We hear it on the news because it's very rare. I find them very thorough but as I said that's my experience.
Did you report it op?

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