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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report my neighbour to social services

74 replies

Governoress86 · 09/08/2017 18:52

I made a thread about my neighbour as we don't get on.

However the grandson has 2 little kiddies, ones 18months and one is 3.

His grandma has the tenancy and he moved in with her in january, she has dementia and has a tendency to fall alot. However her grandson has a tendency to leave his children with the grandma and he will go out For A couple Of Hours
He also leave them i n his car unattended for long periods of time because they are asleep.
A couple of weekends ago the youngest was left unattended in The Back Garden Where She was In A Paddling Pool On Her Own And She Can Get Out On To The Road Aswell. He Drinks A Couple Of Bottles of Wine Every Night And I Have Heard Him Slap One Of His Kids Through THe WAll.

A COouple Of People Have Told Me To Report Him But Im Unsure Would I BU ?

OP posts:
LoyaltyAndLobster · 09/08/2017 19:28

OP how do you know it was a slap?

nogrip · 09/08/2017 19:28

Why have you used random capital letters in your post OP? Its so off putting

Juicyfruitloop · 09/08/2017 19:28

YABU. I think you are sticking your nose in now. I commented on your first thread. Now I'm feeling you are as much causing trouble as your elderly neighbour.

LoislovesStewie · 09/08/2017 19:29

If you have concerns for a vulnerable person,whether adult or child thn you should contact Social Services immediately. Ignoring it may cost a life. What are you waiting for?

user1489675144 · 09/08/2017 19:33

If you know for certain that the children are in danger then report..

don't report if you don't like them or approve of the 'parenting style'

MaisyPops · 09/08/2017 19:33

When I had to made a call they were really good.
I just said something like I'm a bit nervous because I've never had to call up but I've noticed a few things add they're stuck in the back of my mind.

Then read my bullet point concerns (I'd planned before so I knew what I wanted to say) crucially without any judgement or speculation.

They asked if I was happy to be identified and we chatted about that.

Key thing is that you can only report facts where a child is at risk. Not speculate.

Original poster
Governoress86 · 09/08/2017 19:35

I'm not causing trouble with the elderly lady at all. When we were talking at the beginning of the year she told me her grandson has shoved her up against the wall because he was in a mood, and I told her daughter about this as i thought she might do something as it was her son and mum. I have never been aggressive or nasty to her at all even though we have fell out, yet the grandson seems to have an anger issue as he has squared up to me in my backyards for no reason. They have damaged my property and have caught them on camera doing so. I would never do this out of spite of to get one over on thsm , even though it does look that way and I realise that is how my neighbours will see it, but what do I do, leave it and wait til someone gets really hurt?

OP posts:
MaisyPops · 09/08/2017 19:35

Pressed post too soon

E.g. you can't say get drinks a few bottles of wine a night and that puts the kids in danger unless you have seen him drink multiple bottles for sure and seen that affect the child.
Otherwise it's just speculation because his drinking habits differ to yours.

Embarrassedemma · 09/08/2017 19:37

So what do you have on camera in relation to the children being neglected or abused?

Original poster
Governoress86 · 09/08/2017 19:39

He parked outside my house when he left the kids in the car because they are asleep for a couple of hours on camera and wh an he left the 18 month old in the garden on her own

OP posts:
randomer · 09/08/2017 19:39

err on the side of caution,especially water and kids

10greenapples · 09/08/2017 19:41

I don't have a car but I've heard of loads of people online leaving there kids to sleep in the car on there drive as to not disturb them.

Original poster
Governoress86 · 09/08/2017 19:42

This was not on the drive it was out side my house

OP posts:
viques · 09/08/2017 19:48

Unless you are crouched in the back garden peering over the window sill I would forget the two bottles of wine though. You are not a witness to any drinking, he might be washing his grannies in it for all you know.you also only heard a slap through the wall, awful as it seems I don't think that would be accepted as evidence.

Marymoosmum14 · 09/08/2017 19:53

If you know for definite that he is drinking that much every night report him because it is illegal to get drunk when in charge of a child under 7 and it is illegal to leave children unoccupied in a car now due to so many dying due to heat in the last few years. Also if you have proof that the 18month old was left unattended in a paddling pool I would report them straight off as that is incredibly dangerous, but are you sure they weren't stood in a doorway or at the window watching?

Original poster
Governoress86 · 09/08/2017 19:59

I can only speculate that he is drinking that much as I know the grandma doesn't drink. No one else goes to the house and the grandma has told me in the past that she was sick of his drinking but again I have no prove. He went out in the car when his child was in the garden unattended. I'm not sure where the grandma was but again she is in no for state to look after kids.

OP posts:
Carriecakes80 · 09/08/2017 20:06

Make sure you do have proof, and if you have seen this child being left in the water alone at that age, sorry, but I would have been over the fence removing her like a shot and reporting it in front of them. I have seen way too many deaths from paddling pool neglect, as sadly the parents seem to think a child cannot drown in shallow water...sigh. Its utterly devastating. If you have proof of neglect, report them.

ihatetosay · 09/08/2017 20:10

i dOnt REallY cArE

Embarrassedemma · 09/08/2017 20:12

The actions sound neglectful but it sounds odd that he would park outside your house and leave his kids in the car, and again odd that your camera can see into their garden well enough for it to pick up that the child was out there with no supervision?

RebelRogue · 09/08/2017 20:18

If you want peace of mind ring NSPCC for professional advice. They won't judge and will listen to all your points and advvise accordingly. They will contact SS if deemed serious.
Stick to what you know for a fact and what you have proof of. If you can watch the recordings and get an accurate timeline even better.

Starsandwishes · 09/08/2017 20:19

Are you in the UK op? If so it's no weather for a paddling pool. If an 18 month old is in a paddling pool unattended then that's really not on. But how far from the house is the pool. Could it be the dad is like 6 foot away looking from the window/door.

The start of your op sounds like your doing it to spite them. Which would be an awful thing to do and could have a very stressful impact on a family that are already having a hard time.

Beadieeye · 09/08/2017 20:29

Make a call to the NSPCC with all of your concerns and act on the advice they give.
Intimidating behaviour and damage to your property warrant you logging it with the police. In the meantime, keep your evidence and continue to note every act of antisocial/illegal behaviour. What a horrible situation to be in, OP

10greenapples · 09/08/2017 20:35

The op says the paddling pool thing was a couple Of weeks ago, not today. yeh the weather isn't great today but my kids were in an outdoor pool a few weeks ago

Juicyfruitloop · 09/08/2017 20:37

If he has a violent past along with the incidents, then you should report immediately.

Mittens1969 · 09/08/2017 21:31

If what you've said on here is actually true then yes, you do need to report it to social services or the NSPCC. You can do this anonymously. They will investigate the concerns, so you ringing them will not lead straight to care proceedings.

Stick to the facts that you actually know. You don't know for sure about the two bottles of wine, there could have been a visitor on some occasions. But his mother has said she was sick of his drinking so you can mention that.

The paddling pool - yes if the 18 month old was unattended that's very dangerous. Tell them what you saw and why you're worried. There may have been someone supervising from inside the house, so make it clear that you don't know for sure but you were very concerned.

The slap - I would be careful about mentioning this as you didn't witness it, you heard it. And smacking isn't illegal in this country, either.

The car - yes mention this, definitely, especially since the car wasn't on the drive.

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