Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To think step-parebts get a rough deal on MN!

65 replies

girlie123 · 09/08/2017 16:34

Just that really...

Whenever step-parebts put something on here about their step-choldren, my god are they put in their place!!

We are supposed to care for them, do stuff for them, but stuff for them like we do our own children. However, We must have no say in what they do, how they do it, have an opinion on how many times they sleep over etc, and heaven forbid if we ever attempt to tell them off or plan something for them!

OP posts:

JacquesHammer · 09/08/2017 19:35

MrsDusty

As with everything you cannot tar everyone with the same brush.

My DD's stepmum is fantastic. I have never had a moment's doubt that she is treating my DD with anything other than love.

My little girl has two homes. Three loving parents.

I think she's lucky

BoneyBackJefferson · 09/08/2017 19:41

pandarific
BoneyBackJefferson are you defending the fact that SPs get a hard time on MN for no other reason than they are stepparents? That's not particularly fair if so.

I'm saying that some posters give step parents a bad time because they can't get past their own situation or prejudices.

Mama234 · 09/08/2017 19:55

Totally agree with you op is

Genghi · 09/08/2017 19:58

I'm a SM but haven't supported a single SM on aibu because on the whole they are batshit crazy if not out and out goady.

sweetbitter · 09/08/2017 20:06

I think part of the "you can't win no matter what you do" problem is that some posters will generally take the stance that "you are just dad's girlfriend, the children are nothing to do with you, why do you even have an opinion on their behaviour/education/personal hygiene/whatever". But then some different posters will say "why did you ever get into a a stepparenting situation if you weren't prepared to take on the children as your own, try to love them as your own etc". It feels contradictory at times but it's not always the case because it's just the range of opinions on stepparents from different posters. Albeit I can see how hard it is to take from both sides at the same time!

aramintafatbottom · 09/08/2017 20:24

I'm a SM but haven't supported a single SM on aibu because on the whole they are batshit crazy if not out and out goady

Well I've posted threads before under other names and I really find that rude. I'm definitely not 'batshit crazy* or goady. I usually just want some advice. You just sum up the kind of people who like to chime in on threads to have a go.

Buthewasstillhungry · 09/08/2017 20:32

YADDDNBU
I never come here for step parenting support anymore. It's awful.

People can't seem to get their heads around the fact that it's the Hardest job in the world. Literally. Parenting is hard enough but witty the added complications of step parenting, I take my hat off to all step parents. But I'm in the minority on MN.

TheNaze73 · 09/08/2017 20:39

I agree with you Buthewas

It's not just on here though. Lots of step Mum's & step Dad's get misdirected bitterness aimed at them from ex's of their new partners and really can't win.

Buthewasstillhungry · 09/08/2017 20:53

Yes it's because there are no nice step mothers in stories!
Also, it is impossible to love your step children in the same way as a real parent would and partners end up in the middle of this really awkward dynamic between their partner and their child.
It's flummoxing from all points of view!

Buthewasstillhungry · 09/08/2017 20:54

Ps my DSDs mother is lovely and her and I have a solid relationship but it's still really hard!

Corcory · 09/08/2017 20:56

I'm a step parent, Step MIL and Adoptive parent! I am not a BP so I can't put a foot right or have an opinion on anything parenting related!

Corcory · 09/08/2017 20:58

I'm a step parent, Step MIL and Adoptive parent! I am not a BP so I can't put a foot right or have an opinion on anything parenting related!

DeannaTroika · 09/08/2017 21:02

It's the arrogance of "you're just saying that because I'm a step mother" as if they are so sure they can't possibly just be unreasonable! Anyone who plays that card, well you have to wonder just how unreasonable they are about everything else....

OllyBJolly · 09/08/2017 21:09

My DDs also have a fabulous SM. She's wonderful - loving, sensible and a fantastic role model. Even though she and ex have split, she's still very much part of their lives and sees them more often than their DF does.

I think SPs have a really difficult task. I was involved with a man with children and I had to walk away knowing I just couldn't do it. However, many SMs come on to MN complaining that perfectly normal behaviour is unreasonable, or that their DP spends too much time with his DCs. Or even worse.complaining about "all the money going to the ex" when it's funding the children. All too often, these aren't SMs, they're in a short-lived relationship.

I agree with Genghi - I think a lot of the posts from "SMs" are batshit crazy on here. Most SPs I know don't act like that.

chickenwhisper · 09/08/2017 21:27

Family dynamics are all too different and totally unique - it's impossible to judge everyone by the same standards.
I have a step-parent, and, as lovely as they are, I just don't have the bond with them that I do with my parents. They were definitely less tolerant and forgiving of some of my (fairly normal) teenage behaviour as a result. As an adult, I totally get it, but the DCs in the posts by step-parents don't, which is what MNers see. (One of my parents' exes - not my step-parent - openly admitted not liking me. I can understand that now, but I bloody didn't as a child, and it shouldn't have happened!)

Flip

1 2 3