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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think a 5 year old should be able to eat with their mouth closed?

70 replies

Bathinginthedark · 08/08/2017 23:00

Just that really. It's basic manners to eat with your mouth closed, at the age of 5 they shouldn't be gum smacking, slurping and showing the world the contents of their mouth whilst they eat

OP posts:

Ellieboolou27 · 09/08/2017 09:33

ilivefornaps your username is my mantra

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 09/08/2017 09:39

Alpaca that's a really smug post. Table manners matter to me a great deal. It's far more than "It really isn't a difficult thing to teach. Just sometimes takes a bit of reminding." For my teen DS it's difficult to learn.

He's having a second breakfast next to me right now, and I can bet he'll remember for five or so mouthfuls after I've 'reminded' him. You simply can't interrupt every meal and every snack with these 'reminders'.

Roomba · 09/08/2017 09:57

Just remembered that I practically thought my own name was 'MOUTH!' until I was six and had my adenoids removed. Instant improvement. I certainly don't do it now!

Dentistlakes · 09/08/2017 10:06

DS2 still has to be reminded to eat with his mouth closed, not speak with food in his mouth etc. It's not through lack of trying on our part. In fact DH is constantly reminding him throughout each and every meal. DS1 was much easier.

That said, I don't think it's particular unusual given the table manners of other children who have come round to play; some still can't hold cutlery correctly at 9!

Mittens1969 · 09/08/2017 10:43

My DB, who now has serious MH problems, never did learn to eat with his mouth shut, and he really has bad table manners in every way! It certainly wasn't for lack of trying on our DM's part and DSIS and I learned to do it no problem.

You do need to be careful with teaching though. All our mealtimes were dominated with 'Keep your mouth shut, P!' She herself realised what she was doing and I remember her saying, 'I haven't said a nice word to him this whole mealtime.'

It's not good to judge. It's often not down to the parenting.

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 09/08/2017 11:06

DS2 (4) has better table manners than DS1 (6). They've been "taught" in the same settings and eaten 99% of their meals at a table usually with company. DS2 is just a more coordinated child who finds it easier to handle a knife and a fork at the same time, whereas DS1 struggles not to chase food around his plate (and the table and floor...) in a chaotic mess. He's too young to assess for dyslexia but is currently displaying classic discrepancies that may be indicative of it which may also be an influence on his coordination and organisation skills.

He is prompted gently on a range of table manners, but it's important for mealtimes to be socially enjoyable and not a barrage of nitpicking and nagging.

Table manners are an important social skill, but it may take many years of patience to get there. Expecting all 5 year olds to be able to eat with mouths closed, use knifes and forks correctly is unreasonable and many adults struggle for a multitude of reasons.

OwnLittleIsland · 09/08/2017 11:13

We've had 2 6 year olds over for tea often and one eats with mouth wide open. It's disgusting. I must admit we've stopped inviting her for tea after school, just to play.

I wouldn't openly criticise but I won't choose to keep having it in my house if 8 don't have to!!!

Ouch I'd start working with your child now at 5 to eat with their mouth closed! What age will you start? They'll have got used to it by then and it will be harder to change.

My 5 year old knows to eat with her mouth closed and has done for ages as it's something I've mentioned occasionally if they don't!!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 09/08/2017 11:13

"most" five year olds do not eat with their mouths closed anyway

Not being snarky but the vast majority I have met do. Otoh wriggling on the chair and waving cutlery around happens a lot more.

babsjonhson yes adults who talk with their mouths full bother me far more.

OwnLittleIsland · 09/08/2017 11:18

Ditto Donkey. I'd imagine most can by 5 - they're eating at school by then! Most have managed okay when they've eaten here the one that hadn't been taught to really stuck out.

Feckitall · 09/08/2017 11:28

I am someone who has misophonia too...my DC learnt straight from toddlerhood to keep mouth closed when eating...very simple...explain, demonstrate, make a game of exaggerated mouth closed action and if it continued remove plate each and every time they did it..and no they don't have food issues..one is a chef now! DS2 had chronic rhinitis as a small child and was often bunged up..it just took smaller mouthfuls each time and chew properly.
Even the dog eating his dinner gave me the rage so he ate outside!

OuchLegoHurts · 09/08/2017 12:52

Ownlittleisland my point was that they dI have great table manners now, at 8 and 10, but that I didn't need to teach them! They saw us (and others inn restaurants) using cutlery correctly and eating with their mouths closed and started themselves, the same way I did when I was old enough to notice these things. Little girls grow up and generally like to act like older people eventually. I just think a lot of you are way too hung up on table manners for very young children. But I've noticed that it's a very British thing, compared to here in Ireland, manners are much more relaxed around the table, also in Mediterranean countries.

corythatwas · 09/08/2017 13:13

Ime a 5yo is still work in progress. As long as that progress is on-going it may not matter so much whether this particular stage has been reached at 5 rather than whatever gross things the OPs dc does. As long as it is clear that the parent is working on it.

OwnLittleIsland · 09/08/2017 13:43

I've not noticed lots of 5 year olds eating mouth opened abroad.

I don't think it needs to be strict disciplinarian just a gentle reminder bow and they that that's what we do (alongside modelling.) I'm not particularly "hung up" but dont like to see inside people's mouths when they're eating!

Mittens1969 · 09/08/2017 14:08

There are some things that are more relaxed in mainland Europe. Elbows on the table, for example, that's a definite no-no in this country but not in other countries. And I remember feeling grossed out when a French male friend I really liked at the time put his knife right in his mouth while eating.

That sort of thing shouldn't matter so much but they do.

MagicMoneyTree · 09/08/2017 14:50

I even know someone who puts food into her mouth and then starts talking.

My FIL does this. Takes a bite of an apple, then starts a lengthy rant about something sprays bits of apple everywhere. It's absolutely revolting. He would find it rude if I just got up and left the room, yet I'm supposed to sit there while he chews, talks and spits. He will then finish his food, have a moment of silence, then take another bite and start talking again.

I'm going to teach inlaws table manners at the same time as DS (not yet 2). They all talk with their mouths full of food. DH included till he met me.

OuchLegoHurts · 09/08/2017 15:59

Elbows on the table is perfectly acceptable in most countries except Britain! What the heck is wrong with putting one's elbows on the table?! I much prefer the relaxed Mediterranean way of enjoying meals to the "stiff upper lip" style of traditional English etiquette. And I stand to be corrected but I feel Ireland falls much more into the former...I've never heard anyone in Ireland being told not to put their elbows on a table. I don't want to see the inside of anyone's mouth, yuck, but I don't think I have! I certainly don't pay that much attention to the way others eat...too busy enjoying my own meal!

OwnLittleIsland · 09/08/2017 17:14

We're SO not stiff upper lip and I'm not too worried about elbows. I'm amazed anyone thinks eating/talking with mouth open is okay though!

IHeartKingThistle · 09/08/2017 22:25

I genuinely don't know what else to to with DS. Gentle reminders worked great for DD so it's not me! I'm so conscious that it's starting to make every mealtime miserable, for us and him. If he grows up remembering it I will be gutted. But if he grows up still eating with his mouth open I will be mortified.

He just doesn't seem to realise. I was talking to him about it again tonight over dinner, and he was listening to me, nodding but eating with his mouth open! He's such a lovely kid, his manners are great, I don't think he's doing it on purpose so what the hell do I do? Argh.

(It's not breathing btw).

llangennith · 09/08/2017 22:44

My youngest DD was a noisy open-mouthed chewer. I didn't notice till my DM mentioned it and told her to close her mouth when she was eating. I was a stickler for good manners etc and couldn't believe I hadn't even noticed. With a lot of prompting she soon stopped the chomping.

ginnybag · 09/08/2017 22:59

I agree that it seems to be becoming a dying art. DD 7 has it right 90% of the time, but it's been a bit of a fight.

Mostly because DH has the table manners of a cow chewing cud. I've been asking for 15+ years nicely and directly telling him he had to make an effort since DD was born because it's not fair to her to get told off for something he doesn't do, but it's still right less than half the time.

I don't know why he wasn't taught as a child but it's cringe inducing in company and nauseating in private.

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