Moving to South Africa (running away)

[Akani]

I am seriously fed up. I'm being accused by (some) doctors of fabricating illness. I've had a colleague tell me that I am going to have my child removed by social services as I was taken Olanzapine, and now due to mental health. There's been a false allegation of domestic violence against an ex partner too (there's been an actual dodgy as fuck ex partner which I've always been open and honest about).

The threat of having future children removed from my care has just broken me. My GP brushed it off and told me it was ridiculous without listening. The therapist I have seen a few times wouldn't say either way. I'm so sick of the allegations of fabricated illnesses; even though they are not coming from everyone I've seen, I'm being passed around specialists and hearing those accusations too often. I'm sick of engaging with people to be called a liar.

I'm thinking of moving to South Africa to get the hell away from everything. I just feel like it's my only chance to start fresh and my only chance to have a family. I have a mental health diagnosis of complex trauma - I've never harmed myself, or anyone else but whilst waiting for several years to get therapy I was drinking a little too much. I cut down once I realised what a unit actually was.

All I've wanted my whole life is to have a smashing career (have that) and then to have family. I've literally dreamt of having children since I was very young.

Has anyone up sticked from the UK for similar reasons - how did it work out?

So what are your therapists concerns? Are they valid? If you feel they are not why would you continue therapy with someone who you clearly don't think has any understanding of you?

The fact that you discussed it with your therapist and GP suggests that you think there may be reasons why SS would intervene. It would not occur to most people to discuss a comment by a horrible colleague with their GP.

Change in GPs - one moved out of the practice, one went on maternity leave, I briefly (like twice) saw another but they were only in the practice short term.

I didn't know the colleague was so awful at that time, and the comments made were in specifics to medication which I was taking. The colleague has way more medical knowledge than I do.

Ah - I misunderstood, I thought you meant you had changed practices twice!

"So what are your therapists concerns"?

No, I don't think their valid. Then again, she doesn't actually share her concerns with me so it's a pretty difficult question to ask. I don't drink, I don't take drugs, I don't have anger problems, I don't self harm, I am not suicidal. I have really shit nightmares, some flashbacks (and avoidance), and I dissociate if someone grabs my throat / grabs me / is violent towards me (which means I don't put myself in that position). I eat well, I sleep (now, I didn't use to sleep), I go to therapy, I hold down a really intense full time job, I exercise. I don't gamble, take risks, put others at risks.

I avoid confrontation like hell but the work colleague messed that up a lot. I avoid it because I don't know how to deal with it (so that's a negative I guess).

I am puzzled why you took your colleagues comment seriously unless they have some expertise in child welfare / safeguarding?

I would expect most people would think WTF do you know you spiteful twat and then dismiss it. Not raise it with medical professionals.

No, just once - when the one left the practice, I moved to another practice (sorry, I also moved and it made sense to move GPs at the same time they left).

Do you know what's in your records or is it just hearsay? I am also confused about the threatening of child removal, especially since you don't currently have any. If being on MH medication was a major factor for having children removed, SS would be more on their knees than they currently are. Some random colleague giving their unqualified opinion doesn't make it fact, I can understand why a GP would be dismissive of this because this 'opinion' is baseless.

The reluctance of your GP to remove your implant has nothing to do with your GP being concerned about you getting pregnant because you aren't the first woman to complain about their GP practices being reluctant to remove implants and I read that on MN.

Is there more to your fears than the scaremongering of your colleague and the reluctance of your GP to remove your contraceptive implant? If not, then moving continents does seem like an extreme reaction.

Move if you want but move for positive reasons, running away is such a negative thing and negativity tends to attracts negativity.

OP Please ignore the ignorant people here. I will take a good guess that all the people insulting South Africa it loved it during the apartheid. A lot of racist people left in 1990 and now love to bad mouth the country.
South Africa is an amazing country. The Heath care is 100 times better then the NHS and it's a better quality of life.
BUT don't leave for the wrong reasons. Life won't be perfect and there will always be bumps in the road.

I'm recently back from SA and there's no way on earth I'd advise anyone to live in Johannesburg. Cape Town maybe and who knows how long that will last. You'll need top-of-the-range private healthcare and a very great deal of money. You'll need to not mind living behind electrified fences and high walls. Food prices are crazy expensive - at least from a local point of view and choice is a quarter of what it is here.
Think long and hard before making this move OP but if you do - good luck!

foodtime - health care in the private sector is better than the NHS - no denying that.
If you can't afford private insurance then you're seriously fucked. No sugar-coating that - it's the truth.

So your therapist has expressed concern at you even babysitting children but you have no idea what these concerns might be?

"Do you know what's in your records"

Not allowed access to them, so I only know what doctors tell me.

I know that I have fabricated illness recorded on my summary care record even though I've opted out of having a SCR.

lemonsandlimes123

I think her concerns were about me doing it over a weekend (so the time length) rather than being in contact with children - if that's what you are getting at?

I think she does think I suck at the life thing though and am totally inept at everything (really, I'm not).

Yes - I am just struggling to understand why some professionals around you clearly see things so differently to you and also why you seem so concerned about possible future actions i.e. removal of children when you clearly don't consider yourself to have any difficulties that would lead to that?

I avoid confrontation like hell.

Maybe that's the issue, instead of telling your colleague to get lost and your GP to pull their finger out, you've internalised these negatives and they have fed your anxieties. If this is the case, your location isn't the issue and your 'problems' will follow you.

Not allowed access to them - that doesn't sound right - I thought everyone had the right to see their medical records?

www.nhs.uk/NHSEngland/thenhs/records/healthrecords/Pages/what_to_do.aspx

Also, weight gain and anxiety are listed side effects of at least one implant, which would suggest that GP is indeed talking shite.

foodtime what a ridiculous post. No one said anything about apartheid. It's an amazing country in many ways but it is also been named the rape capital of the world by Interpol.

Op it is always hard to tell with anyone posting on the internet what is really going on but I just wanted to say that I am fully aware that once you have something written in your medical records relating to mental health conditions, this can lead to you facing the shoddiest of treatment by other hcps. I have a friend with cPTSD. She has literally turned up in a&e bleeding having been attacked and doctors have seen that she has had depression plus trauma issues and she has experienced being stigmatised and not treated properly. (As in they've been far more interested in questioning her mental health rather than treating the wound which was inflicted by someone else).

Any hint of malingering/psychosomstic illness and suddenly one's experience of doctors can be very negative indeed. Absolutely I'd say fight to get your medical records changed and then change gp's. I can easily believe that your gp said what they did about the bleeding not being a side effect. Sadly just occasionally some gps are staggeringly ignorant. I once rang a gp to say i was terrified I had a particular condition (I did have it). He simply said 'I've never heard of that. It doesn't exist'. Er, yes it most definitely does and any competent gp knows about it. I have friends with the same condition with similar stories.

Once your card is marked in this way unfortunately you can be to some degree discredited. 'Oh you have mental health conditions? Are you sure you aren't just paranoid at present?' It's very powerful when people in authority decide you are not deserving of being listened to.

I do think you're panicking at present however. I think you have every chance of having children and keeping them. Perhaps you could clarify with your therapist what her opinion really is about you being around kids. Maybe yoy can chat further with her and make it clear there is no reason you can't be around kids. Lots of parents have mental health issues. Your colleague's opinion is irrelevent. Gorgeous as SA looks, no it really doesn't sound sensible to run off there. I can understand why you're panicking though.

"Op it is always hard to tell with anyone posting on the internet what is really going on"

Agreed. Sorry I am trying to give you the whole picture without giving my identity away. Parts of your post really resonated with me - thank you.

@JamPasty No, not everyone has access. I have to apply and when I asked about doing so I was told they would remove the parts that they thought would be detrimental / effect me as per policy with sharing notes with patients.

I don't even get copies of clinical letters shared with me, even if I ask to see them. I found out about my cPTSD diagnosis via a care plan which I had supposedly been involved in making - it also said on this damn plan I was suicidal and self harming (via the cluster groups information). I'd never been involved with making the care plan - I did raise this and whilst they removed that care plan they told be the suicide and the self harm bits had to stay because that was "part" of my diagnosis. It's not part of my bloody diagnosis if I don't engage in those activities surely?

"telling your colleague to get lost" I'd have lost my job. I've since been promoted and no longer work near them and I'm a couple of tiers above them so will never to again.

@lemonsandlimes123 Part of the problem is you get put in boxes with mental health. It's pretty much automatically assumed that as I have complex trauma, I smoke, I drink, I self harm and I'm suicidal. It's perceptions on diagnosis (I actually have a big gripe with this but it's not really the place to fight it). I also think people don't realise that children who've had experiences that can lead to complex trauma can also have positive life experiences too. I'm pretty proactive with getting better and have always been - that sometimes means blanket bans on things like contact with people or certain situations, but at least it keeps me safe.