Moving to South Africa (running away)

[Akani]

I am seriously fed up. I'm being accused by (some) doctors of fabricating illness. I've had a colleague tell me that I am going to have my child removed by social services as I was taken Olanzapine, and now due to mental health. There's been a false allegation of domestic violence against an ex partner too (there's been an actual dodgy as fuck ex partner which I've always been open and honest about).

The threat of having future children removed from my care has just broken me. My GP brushed it off and told me it was ridiculous without listening. The therapist I have seen a few times wouldn't say either way. I'm so sick of the allegations of fabricated illnesses; even though they are not coming from everyone I've seen, I'm being passed around specialists and hearing those accusations too often. I'm sick of engaging with people to be called a liar.

I'm thinking of moving to South Africa to get the hell away from everything. I just feel like it's my only chance to start fresh and my only chance to have a family. I have a mental health diagnosis of complex trauma - I've never harmed myself, or anyone else but whilst waiting for several years to get therapy I was drinking a little too much. I cut down once I realised what a unit actually was.

All I've wanted my whole life is to have a smashing career (have that) and then to have family. I've literally dreamt of having children since I was very young.

Has anyone up sticked from the UK for similar reasons - how did it work out?

You were told the bleeding was in your head?? I would have been tempted to take the GP a collection of evidence to the contrary. Even the nexplanon website says prolonged bleeding may be a side effect, you don't have to look very far to find that.

Wherever you go, there you are. That said, a fresh start can be a renewal. Are you in a position to try it out for a couple of years to see if it works for you? What are the risks?

messofajess Mental health diagnosis is complex trauma.

The fabricated illness remarks are coming from a potential anaphylaxis allergy (which some people think is a panic attack). Also, I've had an infection several times and I am being accused of causing it / creating it.

The GP wouldn't remove the implant as he said bleeding was not a side effect, neither was weight gain or severe anxiety, and, that he "knew if he did remove it I'd just go and get pregnant which would be a real issue".

All our SA friends are trying to get out, they don't see a bright future there for their children. Healthcare is very expensive, and going there on holiday is not the same as living there. My in laws live there and we worry about them constantly.

Who exactly has said children would be removed? You seem to be somewhat paranoid, this my be symptomatic of your MH difficulties, I don't know but certainly the series of events you seem to be describing sound unusual to say the least. The fact that you seem to see things differently from all the professionals working with you suggests that things may not be as straightforward as you think they are. It seems you require a significant amount of MH support and it is unlikely you would receive this in SA without a lot of resources at your disposal.

Intransige Yes. I should have done what you said. Honestly, it got to the stage where I started to wonder if I had cervical cancer of something else horrific (and I don't normally have health anxiety).

It's just been really shit and I am at the end of my coping ability with it all. I just want to move on with my life, have some form of treatment for whatever the allergy thing is (I don't actually care what it is, I'd just prefer to stop nearly dying every now again).

I've tried a different GP but of course it's all on the damn notes so as soon as those are read I get put in the "malingerer" category. I'm really totally fed up.

I was thinking of trying for two years and then deciding on whether to have children there or not - or trying for one and then deciding whether to come back and have children, or stay there and have children.

Some things aren't as great (the education, the health care), but the outdoor lifestyle part of it would really suit us. And, I think it would be much less stressful.

OP - just been doing a bit of googling about healthcare in South Africa. Apparently it's a sharply divided public/private system. The private is good, but expensive, and the public is dreadful and very overstretched - obviously HIV/AIDS places a vast strain on it (SA has the most prolific AIDS epidemic in the world). If you're looking at PhD level jobs this may not be a worry for you.

Something else to bear in mind if you want a family is that infant mortality and stillbirth rates are tens of times higher in SA than here.

lemonsandlimes123

I'm not paranoid. And paranoia isn't a symptom of my mental health diagnosis.

"It seems you require a significant amount of MH support" Not sure what you mean by this but the plan is therapy which I have been engaging in. No other support needed or stipulated.

I think it is likely to be more stressful.

What do you think you are allergic to? Could you go and get privately tested?

Pigface1

Thank you - I actually just googled but I think our insurance will cover us for South Africa - we've never used it here, but I will call them and see if we can change residence countries with it. It is a global coverage policy.

The infant mortality / stillbirth rate thing really does make me think twice about this.

I was basing my comments on the way you have posted, which is fairly paranoid sounding and also the fact that in addition to therapy you have also been prescribed anti-psychotics at some point. That suggests a certain level of MH need.

Akani sorry I actually reread after posting and saw your diagnosis. Tbh it sounds to me like your doctor is actually just a massive douchebag. And the others are trying to find a diagnose for the allergy and infection that already "fits" into your mental health diagnosis instead of exploring other areas. I can't imagine how frustrating it is to not be taken seriously about your physical health. Weight gain and bleeding are both really well known symptoms of the implant.

Have you seen a private specialist?

I would have to agree with a pp that I think your mental health issues maybe affecting your perception of the situation. It is inappropriate to get pregnant whilst you are on certain medications so perhaps the GP was more concerned about accidental pregnancy than implant side effects.
If you have an anaphylactic reaction to something have you been referred for allergy testing?
Nobody takes children away from their parents solely on the basis of one of them being on medication.

If you have the mirena go to a family planning clinic and ask for it to be removed. They are far more experienced at it anyway!

It's horrid when something wrong/inaccurate is on your medical notes. Been there, done that it is soul destroying

I love SA but I agree with pp who have said it's a hard country to live in. Politically it's in a terrible state at the moment.
If I were you I'd be more inclined to instruct a solicitor to help you to unravel the mess you are are in here in the UK.

lemonsandlimes123

I've been tested both privately and on the NHS. They think it's a food (won't say which one due to identification). Out of the three blood tests it's shown positive on two, on my skin-prick test it came back positive but then the allergy doctor said I must have scratched the skin as the symptoms didn't match that specific food allergy. I've been fed the food whilst on a hospital ward accidentally and reacted to it.

It's not a case of NO ONE believes me (A and E certainly do, they are nicely go ape shit about this too), it's the case of I am really struggling to access treatment (and an epi pen prescription) because one / two doctors think that I am fabricating illnesses.

(sorry trying to answer everyone's questions but have to keep refreshing) Thank you again for input.

OP if the GP wrote in your notes that you "believed" you had bleeding from implant, he'd be showing himself to be medically incompetent (aside from actually saying it to you). It's a very common and well-known side-effect. Been known about for over 15 years (I constant bleeding with it too back then and i didn't seem to shock the doctor with that info!).

So, basically you need to try to change GPs. This one isn't good for you in a number of ways.

If you have complex trauma - and I say this as someone with it myself - it often means that your brain is in a sort of emergency mode a lot of the time. This means the brain acts as a giant bouncer and sees a lot of things as very real threats and responds, essentially by raising stress levels - and activating a flight (i.e. to South Africa) or fight response. As some have mentioned, SA isn't necessarily the calmest of places to raise children. The combination of CT, SA and kids could be difficult to manage.

How about holding off the move idea for now and focussing on feeling calmer. I recognise the stress in your post as a way I have responded to what I've perceived as threats before. Looking in from the outside though, and I say this gently (because I wouldn't listen when I'm in that mode!), I'm not sure your thinking is in the best place to be making such big decisions.

However, again, I think your GP (not you) is totally wrong and sounds unsupportive. Is there any way you can change?

OP - that's good. Do be sure to check that your health insurance would cover you for maternity care as loads of insurance policies have a blanket exclusion on it (I know mine does!) and private maternity care is eye-wateringly expensive because of the high insurance premiums for obstetricians.

"It is inappropriate to get pregnant whilst you are on certain medications so perhaps the GP was more concerned about accidental pregnancy than implant side effects. "

1. That wasn't mentioned as the reason to me at all. I was being told it was "all in my head". 2. There was a discussion about pregnancy with the level of medication and it was deemed to be the safest option for me. I was actually pregnant but I lost the pregnancy prior to the implant.

I had the implant put in to prevent miscarriage rather than prevent pregnancy if that makes sense; I wanted to bolster my health and wellness up again to prevent a miscarriage before I got pregnant.

"Have you seen a private specialist?"

We have private health insurance however I've been told if i start using that rather than accessing the NHS care I will lose the NHS-funded psychotherapy (who are the complex trauma specialists and cannot be accessed privately).

So it sounds like more of an issue with one specific GP or GP practice, in which case changing practice should be your first course of action. What is your current status with the allergy clinic? are you still under their care?

Where did you get this idea about future children being taken into care? There seems to be no basis to believe this whatsoever and the fact that you are taking it seriously suggest that you may not always be evaluating information accurately.

So I've changed GPs once (possibly twice - I am not sure what dates this all started being added to my notes), but I've had three different GPs in the last 2.5 years.

I can change again, but I am wondering if I should put the effort into get the stuff removed from my notes before I change again, or if I just face the fact that I am going to leave potentially and not make a stir about it?

Orange I totally agree with you on the flight response - I've been trying really hard to not get to this stage but I am just feeling utterly broken by trying to stay in the system and engage. I don't think it's helped by the fact that I had a reaction over the weekend and whilst one consultant in A and E was great, one of the juniors loudly pronounced that I had fabricated illness marker on my summary care record (which I have written that I don't want, but that's another issue) to the entire freaking department.

The consultant did point out to her that I couldn't fabricate the symptoms but it doesn't really help me in the long run.

Thanks again for all the replies.

BTW I am totally thinking more cape town than jo'burg.

On the face of it, it makes no sense to move to a hugely dangerous country to escape a colleague who made an ill informed comment.

Why not change jobs, or move elsewhere in Europe? Your safety is surely the most important thing.

Your colleague is talking nonsense, ss don't remove children for those reasons, they just look at if you are capable of looking after the children and aren't neglecting/abusing them. They don't take children off parents just because the parent has mh issues. Unfortunately though no GP or therapist is going to say you definitely won't lose your children because they will feel they can't guarantee what will happen in the future if your circumstances change and they won't want to be sued or have you come back raging at them later on. Also they will actually have very little idea about it as ss are separate to the medical profession and though there are obvious crossovers you wouldn't go to a social worker about your allergies anymore than a doctor can actually tell you about what ss will do. I'm sorry but no health professional or social worker will ever say "your children definitely won't be removed", even though they really wouldn't be for any of the reasons you've mentioned.

Instead of running away I would say you should you take up a serious complaint against your GP and get the notes removed from your records. Failing that go to a new practice and have an appointment where you explain the situation before they read the notes and see if that helps.

lemonsandlime

I have a cunt of a colleague. There is no two ways about this. They've made many people's lives miserable - that's where the comments originally started from.

I would have just left it had I been reassured by the GP and the therapist - the therapist is definitely not of the opinion I should be allowed anywhere near children (she had a paddy fit when I mentioned I'd been babysitting for friends for the weekend). I've not raised it since. The GP was dismissive.

It got raised again with both of them - the therapist told me she wouldn't discuss it and the GP said there's a process that has to be followed.

So why have you previously been needing to change GPs?

Can you see how there could appear to be a pattern of you seeing things differently from professionals who retreating you?

are treating - not retreating!