Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my family/friends the wrong due date?

30 replies

poplocks · 08/08/2017 14:17

This is definitely jumping the gun as I'm not even pregnant yet but DH and I are ttc. We both have very intense families and when our first was born this crazy behaviour from everyone put a LOT of pressure on an already intense situation. I recall pretending little one needed a feed and hiding in his nursery until they left. DH was amazing at telling them all to feck off after that but nonetheless it didn't stop them.
I'm hesitant to try again because it was that bad. Even when I was pregnant every day I would get texts asking, if I didn't reply in the hour I'd get phone calls asking if I've gone into labour... so after all my rambling would I be unreasonable tell them the wrong due date by a month?
I am a petite person and had fluid issues with my first so I was measuring 40 weeks at 30 weeks anyway.

OP posts:
Mrscropley · 08/08/2017 14:18

Tell them 4 weeks behind to be safe!!

Original poster
poplocks · 08/08/2017 14:18

Just to add I hate the idea of lying, I really do. But I can't think of another solution...other than moving to Alaska of course Wink

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 08/08/2017 14:20

I'd be furious at them for ruining such a special time for you.

Mrscropley · 08/08/2017 14:20

They would only likely have a whip round to loan huskies and a sled. . .
Never been in this situation but have learned from mn how families can be ott with the sniff of a baby!!

justanothernameagain · 08/08/2017 14:21

Yes but tell them you're less pregnant than you are not more pregnant - that'll only increase the hassle!

WineAndTiramisu · 08/08/2017 14:22

You could tell them that the new thing nowadays, as well as not finding out the sex, you don't find out the due date either, so it's a nice surprise when it happens?! GrinGrinGrin

Original poster
poplocks · 08/08/2017 14:22

@Mrscropley haha I could just see them all now! Battling the weather on the sled with a crazy look in their eyes!

OP posts:
KimmySchmidt1 · 08/08/2017 14:25

Is it his family or yours? I think you should just both practice in the mirror saying "sorry to chuck you out but we really have to rest". And also warn them that you will have your phone on silent most of the time because you are tired so they should not expect replies to texts or picking up calls.

Prepare them in advance by sitting them down and explaining that you and DH will be unavailable and difficult in the first few months because it is intense, even more so when you have two little ones to worry about not one.

Start the pregnancy by being really stand offish - set your boundaries, don't even tell them about it, and just let them piece it together that you are pregnant. Set a tone of "back the hell off" right from the start and that will help set boundaries.

But if you lie to them it will likely cause family ructions that end up being worse than simply being direct. It is much better to treat stupid people like children than to be deceptive, because that just gives them an excuse to cause more drama.

Nadinexo1 · 08/08/2017 14:25

I was in a similar situation in a way except for when my first was born my in laws dissapeard abroad for two months so that they wouldn't have to have much to do with the baby. so when my second was due I lied and told them it wasn't due til a month after and then when the baby was born they were shocked but then coincidentally they fucked off on the exact date they thought baby was due so they must've had it booked all along! surprising since they used to butt in every other situation in my life.

Original poster
poplocks · 08/08/2017 14:27

To be honest I'm still really upset by it all. My baby was very poorly as well and had to have an operation at 2 weeks and I still can't get over how they only gave a fuck about themselves. When we were finally home, one of them found out and arrived with a cold, they were astounded DH shut slammed the door on them.

OP posts:
sycamore54321 · 08/08/2017 14:28

I wouldn't outright lie but be vague - I said "around Christmas time" for my 24 December due date.

LagunaBubbles · 08/08/2017 14:29

Why are you still being affected by others behaviour? Lying might seem an easier option at the moment but doesnt deal with the issues in the first place.

Original poster
poplocks · 08/08/2017 14:30

@KimmySchmidt1 unfortunately it's both sides apart from FIL....poor guy will do anything for a quiet life! All other siblings have moved far away, emigrated or are childless, so the emphasis is really put on us. That's my concern about lying, I know they will make a HUGE deal out of it and remind me forever how hurt they were by it all. Part of me doesn't want to care because frankly they didn't give a toss and then another part of me doesn't want to stoop to their level and give them something to whine about.

OP posts:
pinkstripeycat · 08/08/2017 14:31

It's your private life - you share your news when you want to. Don't think of it as lying, think of it as protecting yourself

vlooby · 08/08/2017 14:33

Awesome idea as far as I'm concerned!

WiIdfire · 08/08/2017 14:34

Keep the date vague if you can, but starting now make a point of not answering all messages immediately. Leave them a bit, reply the next day etc. Then just dont tell them when you have gone into labour.

Original poster
poplocks · 08/08/2017 14:35

@LagunaBubbles I don't know to be honest. Anything to do with my little one I'm quite over sensitive. I think because I'm still shocked by how they behaved in such a horrific time. They always tell you we're family, we're here etc etc. And then BAM when shit happens they didn't support us at all!

OP posts:
sycamore54321 · 08/08/2017 14:42

If their crazy behaviours are limited to births only, maybe you can suck it up. But if that is more generally how they get on, it sounds like you need to have the relationship put on new tracks. Their behaviour should not be upsetting you to the point that it would impact on your decision to get pregnant again or not.

AztecHero · 08/08/2017 14:46

Look, I believe (and I could be wrong) that in France they estimate the due date at 42 weeks rather than our 40 weeks. If I had my time again I would definitely say that ur due date was 3 weeks later than it was.

I might have saved friends and family constantly asking for updates from 36 weeks. (Including an ex of DH's (who I was already sensitive about due to her overbearing behaviour) who rang every morning at 9 am on the fucking dot to ask for updates from about 36 weeks).

Sadly I did not have the strength to tell everyone to F.O.

Goodasgoldilox · 08/08/2017 14:48

Don't lie - be vague.
I agree about you needing to get everyone used to you not answering texts quickly .

Alicia555 · 08/08/2017 14:49

Instead of lying just tell them you don't want them there in the early days.

EssentialHummus · 08/08/2017 14:54

You could tell them that the new thing nowadays, as well as not finding out the sex, you don't find out the due date either, so it's a nice surprise when it happens?

Grin This is brilliant!

I'm eight months along. I've told my family the wrong date, by two weeks praying that's enough time. My DM is incredibly anxious, we're not close, and I really don't want to spend the end of my pregnancy with her chasing me for updates. The rest of that side of the family has also been given the wrong date, for consistency (along with "Oh, here in England it's more of a due week really...").

LagunaBubbles · 08/08/2017 15:00

poplocks you need to evaluate all these relationships. These people did behave in an appalling way and are likely to continue to do so. What does that say what they think about you and your DH? Not a lot Im afraid.

MadisonAvenue · 08/08/2017 15:02

I wish I'd done that, especially as my second son was 2 weeks late. From 38 weeks I had my mother calling several times a day to check up on me and it was so wearing, it sounds trivial but it really got me down. My husband took several tearful phone calls - yes, tearful - from her at work because she'd call him when I didn't answer. I actually felt very resentful towards her for quite some time afterwards as she'd added to the misery that is the last few weeks of being pregnant.

lotsofstuffz · 08/08/2017 15:06

I would do it, mine is down to the fact that I just wanted my DP there with me, I'm extremely self conscious and private and didn't want anyone else seeing me in the state of labour.
My DM kept saying about being there and I didn't have the heart to tell her I didn't want her looking at me pushing a baby out of my privates and the crying/screaming that came with it as it would make me extremely uncomfortable.

Luckily I went into extremely quick progressing labour in the middle of the night so had no time to let anyone know and by 7am the LO was here so they got the good news.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.