Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he should contribute?

66 replies

sayerville · 08/08/2017 11:58

We are going on a family holiday this week, we have paid for DD and BF as her 21st birthday present, this holiday was £1500 each so a big one and I used a lump sum I had to pay for the 4 of us. DD asked if they could contribute, we said yes that would be nice so we agreed on £300 each. I felt mean as DD is now an overdrawn student and as it was her birthday said I didn't want anything but to pay for your own extras from hereon. I am still waiting for BF contribution, his situation is different in that he is working - OK not a big salary and initially back in June sent £1 to my bank account to make sure it was the right one, so far nothing else, I am being mean here or should he contribute?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 08/08/2017 15:19

But why not just pay for DD from the beginning and if BF wants to come, they can work out how to pay for that? It seems a little odd to offer to pay for both of them for HER 21st then want money from them. Rather than just pay for her.

It is nice and generous but gifts with provisos and strings always feel a bit less special.

tallfox · 08/08/2017 15:27

Is it a self catering holiday where the cost of accommodation is divided by the number of people going?

HiJenny35 · 08/08/2017 15:39

If the whole holiday cost 6k then spoiling it for £300 seems a bit daft.
As for saying would his parents do the same back, that's irrelevant.
I'd hate to have to go away with the inlaws, if they offered to pay as a gift if feel like I'd have to say yes but inside is dread it. For them to then say actually can you pay X would really piss me off.
This isn't the holiday he would plan for his money and while it's a very kind gesture of you surly you reaslise that for a 21 year old it's not a real holiday to be stuck with his girlfriends parents!
Just let the £300 go, let's be honest it's as much for you as it is your daughters 21st as I'm sure for the money she'd rather be alone with her boyfriend for her 21st.

Skittlesss · 08/08/2017 16:41

I think if he agreed to pay £300 back in March and he still can't afford it even though he works then I would be bloody worried about what kind of fella my daughter was with, to be honest. It's £50 a month. Hardly breaking the bank.

worridmum · 08/08/2017 17:10

You do know £50 a month could be someones entire food budget you know especially as he is under 25 so rent isnt part paid for by housing benefit and has a lower minimum wage then people over 25 so it could infact be alot of money for a shot holiday with inlaws.

MrsFezziwig · 08/08/2017 17:41

Well, been away from this thread for a while & still Shock at the number of ways in which people have managed to misunderstand the OP! Not to mention all the totally irrelevant comments like they can't believe a holiday can cost £1500, is it self-catering, they wouldn't want to go on holiday with their in-laws!? I know someone who has just been in a similar situation (and of a similar age) but clearly they have a better relationship with their in-laws than the majority of people on this thread.

tallfox · 08/08/2017 18:23

MrsFezziwig, can you really not understand why if it's self catering that might be relevant? If an apartment costs £4000 then it costs that no matter how many people are in it, travel extra of course.

Which may not be the case here obviously.

Original poster
sayerville · 08/08/2017 19:37

It's not self catering!
I am fully expecting them to do their own thing and catch up with us in the evening if they want to and for the record it wasactually my DD's idea, having a family holiday so I hardly think they are being forced into a luxury holiday!

OP posts:
Original poster
sayerville · 08/08/2017 19:39

MrsTerryPratchett there aren't and never were any strings, I didn't think DD would want to go without him so we paid for him too.

OP posts:
mickeysminnie · 08/08/2017 19:51

You say it was her idea to do a family holiday and then straight away that you didn't think she would go without him??
Why would she suggest it if she didn't want to go?

rollonthesummer · 08/08/2017 20:03

Was it her idea to go on a £6k family holiday though?

I have to say, I have been on countless family holidays and they have never cost anywhere near that.

Original poster
sayerville · 08/08/2017 20:05

rollon no it wasn't her idea to spend that, it was mine if you read above you'll see why.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 08/08/2017 20:09

So either he's getting a great holiday for a really cheap price and should be happy OR he's going on his girlfriend's family holiday because she wants him to and now he's having to pay 300 for the privilege.

MrsFezziwig · 08/08/2017 20:54

tallfox I perfectly understand the principle of a self catering holiday but still don't see how it is relevant to the matter under discussion.
And rollon not sure how the cost of your own holidays is relevant either. Some people's holidays will cost £60, some £6000 - so?

bimbobaggins · 08/08/2017 21:03

If I got the opportunity to go on a holiday of a lifetime at £1500 each for only £ 300 I'd be biting your hand off. If it was me I'd have paid for my daughter and if her bf wanted to go he'd have to pay himself so even if he thought he was getting a freebie and had to pay the £ 300 it's still only 20% of the cost of the holiday.

OliviaBenson · 08/08/2017 22:06

I think you need to ask him for it. It's not very fair that your daughter has gone into her overdraft to pay yet you haven't asked her bf where is £300 is?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread