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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Woman hitting man

65 replies

Lionnesss · 08/08/2017 11:24

Just want people's opinions
If a man and woman was arguing in a relationship or not if the woman angrily hit the man would it be ok for the man to hit the woman back or to just walk away i think the man should walk away even though he would be acting in self defence as i think he would most likely come off looking worse than the girl even though she hit first Abu to think this

OP posts:
iogo · 08/08/2017 13:58

There was a video that did the rounds on FB a while ago where a woman was going hammer and tongs hitting some guy (presumeable boyfriend/ex-boyfriend) at (what looked like the end of a night out). He was very restrained in fending her off and a friend was trying to pull her off but she kept going back to him and punching and slapping him. Eventually he punched her back and sent her absolutely spralling and quite a few onlookers then rushed to her aid.

My opinion on that video is that she kinda got what was coming to her. He was very restrained under quite an onslaught. However it also illustrates why men shouldn't hit women back - his one punch send her halfway across the pavement because he was so much stronger than her.

Walking away (if possible) should always be the course of action.

I'm sorry your DB went through that EveningShadows. Domentic violence should be taken equally seriously and I'm so sad that your brother were mocked. They were not his friends.

user1487064897 · 08/08/2017 14:05

I've seen that video too iogo and I agree, she didn't let up hitting and kicking him even though he clearly just wanted to get away.
I've been witness to dv by both men and women against their partners, I honestly felt the same level of contempt for both but will say that the woman who was abusive repeatedly said if her partner tried to defend himself or restrain her in anyway she would tell the police he hit her.
I then witnessed her attack him outside a pub after he tried to get her away from an argument she was having with someone else. She ended up biting him in the face ripping his eyelid and gouging a large chunk out of his check, when the police arrived said she was acting in self defence until witnesses stepped in and told the full story.
Honestly in that scenario if he would of kicked her ass up and down that car park I would not have batted an eyelid.

EveningShadows · 08/08/2017 14:12

iogo, no, you're right - they weren't his friends Sad

He lost a lot of friends over the whole sorry episode - it was awful and I remain angry about it now, and angry the way DV against men is treated as something to be laughed about by so many.

DV either way is horrific - while DBro walked away physically unscarred he remains emotionally scarred to this day.

MissionItsPossible · 08/08/2017 16:12

If you hit someone, you should expect to be hit back, regardless of gender.

You can't have women going round thinking they can hit men because he "can't hit back".

I had experience of this when I was eight years old! I was in the playground at school on break time and this girl who I had no idea who she was walked up to me and kicked me full force straight in the balls (first time it had ever happened to me and hard enough for me to go down) followed by "You can't do anything back because I'm a girl" (Was in far too much pain to do ANYTHING back even if I wanted)! Luckily a dinner lady saw and gave her a right telling off.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 08/08/2017 16:36

lioness

Don't think that's a fair view.
You can't just deem all men stronger.

Put Rhonda Rousey and My husband in a ring together and she would beat the ever living shit out of him.

I don't agree with violence.
But what annoys me is some ladies attack men on the premise of "oh they won't hit back I'm a woman".
Yet I doubt they would go up and start attacking a women in the street as easily, you know Why? Because they know their victim would fight back.

There was a video circulating where these 2 ladies (ill call them A & B )are trying to fight a woman at a gas station, the woman (C) who was with her boyfriend didn't want too fight.
A run towards C with a taser, even though C and her boyfriend are trying to leave. Cs boyfriend knocks the taser out of A's hand, but A still runs at C and takes her to the ground. B has now picked up the taser and is running towards C's boyfriend who is trying to stop the fight. B jabs the Taser and the man a few times, and he's telling her to stop and he doesn't want too hurt her. For the final time B goes for the man with the taser and he punches her.
The first thing the person says recording is
"Omg call the police he hit a woman"

In my eyes she deserved the hit, She only carried on because she honestly believed she could do that because a man shouldn't hit a woman.

coconuttella · 08/08/2017 16:48

KungFu

Wierd how warped people's views can be!

It may not be right for a man to hit back, but it's no more wrong for a man to hit back than for a woman to hit back....

LittleBooInABox · 08/08/2017 17:12

The term is 'reasonable force' and trot is no legal definition. I think no one should be hitting anyone, however I think if she's big enough to do kit, she should be big enough to take it. Equality and all.

Some women use it as a well you can't hit me. And that's wrong.

noeffingidea · 08/08/2017 17:13

No it wouldn't be ok, unless it was an absolute last resort.
People are entitled to do whatever they have to in order to defend themselves and if it comes down to having to hit back (or pick up a weapon and use that) then that is defensible.

sweetbitter · 08/08/2017 17:17

I don't think hitting at someone because they "hit you first" is ever an acceptable reason for hitting someone. If it is actual self defence, because someone is repeatedly hitting you and you are trying to protect yourself/stop them, that's different. And if it was a true heat of the moment retaliation, eg someone hits you and you instantly hit back without thinking, it's more forgiveable though not ideal.

worridmum · 08/08/2017 17:36

Just so you know it can actully be more dangerous to walk away as there are weak spots in the back of the skull wete if hit with some force will kill and has you are not facing them cannot see if they are going to punch again etc

worridmum · 08/08/2017 17:36

And yes women can reach the required force levels.....

Lweji · 08/08/2017 17:52

To walk away doesn't necessarily mean you turn your back on the person. It means that you stop engaging and remove yourself from the situation.

Never turn your back to your adversary.

BertrandRussell · 08/08/2017 18:00

"Just so you know it can actully be more dangerous to walk away as there are weak spots in the back of the skull wete if hit with some force will kill"
Out of interest, how many men have been killed by women in domestic violence incidents in the past year?

MargaretTwatyer · 08/08/2017 18:10

It's half the number of men are killed than women (but that includes DV murders of men by men). But they're still killed.

metro.co.uk/2016/01/25/there-are-parts-of-britain-where-more-men-are-killed-by-women-in-domestic-violence-5643040/

In some areas of the country like Cornwall more men are killed. Which is why it's better to judge on a case by case basis.

Original poster
Lionnesss · 08/08/2017 18:13

I'm not saying its ok for a woman to hit a man far from it all I'm saying is that some women think its ok and hit a man n when the man hits back he gets the blame and that's why I want to bring my son up to just walk away if this ever happened to him that why I asked other ppls opinions cos my freind didn't agree n said he should hit her bck

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