Should i be cross with dh?!?

[arethereanyleftatall]

I'm genuinely not sure whether I should be cross with dh or not. Would you be?

Bad:
He is going on 4 solo holidays this summer, 3 for 4/5 days, 1 for 10 days. No discussion with me at all, they just appeared in diary.

But:

1. We can afford it, thanks to his job and how hard he works when he's there.
2. He would have no problems whatsoever if I did the same thing. He would just hire a nanny/cleaner/ whatever necessary and wave me off with a cheery 'enjoy yourself.'
3. He spends a lot of time with us (me and 2 dds) as he has no commute, and we go on plenty of family holidays a year which aren't impacted.
4. He is a firm believer in enjoying life in the here and now, but is fairly sensible about the future. He would love for me to be likewise.
5. None of these 4 holidays were instigated by him: stag do's, friends visiting from his home country etc

I think we should at least discuss these things. He earns 95% of our income, I'm basically a sahm to our school age children (at my choice) so I'm not hard done by. We've never had a joint account, it hasn't been necessary, (he just pays for everything and deposits an amount decided by me in to my account). The bulk of our money is in his accounts. I think I should have more say in whether we spend or save.

What do you think?

My OH and I go on more holidays without each other than we do together.

We both want to do different things and don't have much in common when it comes to places we like to visit, although neither of us like 'sun' holidays.

As with you, OP, it isn't an issue financially so I don't see any problem with it. We see enough of each other when we're at home, although we both also travel a lot for work.

Actually, that's probably part of it for us; we just aren't used to spending weeks on end together 24/7. Or perhaps we just don't really like each other...

Anyway, I don't think you should be cross with him if it's not going to cause problems.

SOrry I've been away from the thread, had to go out.

Interesting, and very varied, responses.

To answer some of the questions I remember:

1. He does look after the children quite often on his own, and happily so: the nanny would just be to cover work.
2. I dont want to go away for ten days, I'd miss my dds too much. He would be fine with it. I did go away for 4 days with girl friends this year, first time since dds born (youngest is 6). He encouraged it. He was going to finish work early and look after dc, but my mum ended up doing it - it just made more sense.
3. I am involved in big discussions - e.g. we might move, my input is valid.
4. I did need a new car last year. I just chose what I wanted and he paid.
5. I presume he looked in our - coveted!- diary before booking his holidays to make sure he wasn't inconveniencing anything, he wasn't particularly.

Maybe I am a bit 1950s, but I don't think him just swanning off is the same as me just swanning off. He doesn't particularly leave me with anything extra to do if he swans off, whereas I would; so it isn't comparable.

He's a nice guy really, just a bit thoughtless.

Thank you for the advice everyone. I think I will just have a calm discussion with him, reminding him to discuss in future to check it's not inconvenient, and that the money he earns is family money.

Well IF he does actually look after the dcs when he is not working (so evenings and weekends), I'm sure you will see a difference when he isn't there.
If you dont see any difference, then it means he doesn't actually do a hell of a lot when he is there in regard of the dcs, house etc....