To think this is outside the range of normal toddler behaviour?

[Tallblue]

DD is almost 3 years old.

From a young age (4 months) she has been extremely sensitive to environment, screaming in certain locations and was generally a high needs baby. My instinct has always told me there is something different about her in comparison to the many babies we spend time with (friends with babies, toddler groups, other children at nursery etc).

She currently struggles with the following:

Loud sounds, to the point we have to avoid certain situations and locations, such as certain soft plays with games / machines making sounds she is afraid of. She replays situations over and over again, for example once at a friend's house there was some drilling and it scared her- she refused to go back to that friend's house the following time and still talks now, many weeks later, about the drilling noise.

Dealing with change of environment, for example leaving the house or returning to the house, getting out of the car, suddenly doesn't want to go into her toddler music classroom for her weekly class, which she previously loved, as it's in a new location

Extreme separation issues, still screams at nursery drop off even though she has been attending three days per week for the last two years. Unable to deal with me being upstairs at home and stands at the bottom of the stairs screaming mummy and rattling the stair gate until I come back down (even if distracted by DH etc).

Unable to deal with having a new brother (I say 'new'- he's 9 months old!), still hates me holding him, showing him attention etc, not really improving even 9 months on.

Extreme sensitivity to others' feelings - examples would be immediately crying if she hears another child cry, getting really upset if a character in a cartoon she is watching cries.

It is exhausting for her and for us. My feeling is that all of these fears, anxieties etc are actually getting worse as she gets older, not better. We have tried many techniques to address, distract, reassure, pre-warn, get her involved with her brother etc.

My feeling is that she may have Sensory Processing Disorder and Separation Anxiety disorder. I feel we need to get her assessed by an OT.

DH thinks the majority of the above behaviour is within the range of 'normal' toddler behaviour and she will grow out of it. AIBU to press on with some kind of assessment?

Her speech seems to be developing normally and physically she has no medical issues.

Has anybody else had a toddler with these behaviours and any advice on how to handle it?

She sounds pretty similar to how my dd was at that age.

I always felt she was different somehow. We called her high need / highly sensitive etc.

Aged 8 now and she's being assessed for being on the autistic spectrum (aspergers).

Maybe have a look at this. See if anything fits. taniaannmarshall.wordpress.com/2013/06/22/first-signs-of-asperger-syndrome-in-young-girls-pre-school/.

Sounds a bit weird to me.
Autistic maybe?
It coukd be staring you in the face but you maybe blond to it. Have DD checked out this week

I think yr instincts are right, talk to yr health visitor to get things started.

Sounds like it could be autistic spectrum.

Things that might help, (sorry if you tried them already)
ear defenders,
countdown to activity/location change (15 minute warning 10 minute warning 5 minute warning)
Pictures of places we are going
I'm going to guess that the new location for the music class is worse acoustically than the old one (high ceilings hard floors etc for more echoes)

She probably needs far more rest recovery and quiet time than a typical toddler and maybe is over tired hence the clingy behaviour.

I suggest stopping some of the activities and giving her some planned down time.

If she is distressed at you being upstairs can you let her follow you up there for a while? Does she still need a stair gate?

I think that getting her assessed for PDA and SAD is a very good idea. I also think she sounds like she may be the extreme end of normal. I work with the children with the above disorders and Autistic spectrum disorders.
I found myself using a lot of strategies that I use at work with my eldest daughter. Who is extremely anxious when she was young.
Noises, New situations, people she didn't know smiling at her. not wanting me to give any attention to her sister. Hating being left being inconsolable about tv programmes. Bing falling off the swing, and music that sounded sad etc etc.

She is 7 now and has only just stopped needing special routine to help her settle in the morning- we used to arrive 5 mins after everyone else to avoid the chaos on the playground and a support assistant would meet us at the door to take her to do jobs. She also had lunch early as couldn't cope in the noisy hall. She still gets inconsolable about our cat who died 3 years ago. Still cant watch certain episodes of tv designed for 2 year olds and will only watch cbeebies. No Disney, nothing else aimed at children. - only just about copes with the morals of Peter rabbit! She has good friendship groups, plays well with her sister, is doing well at school. Wont do any after school activities, has spectacular emotional out bursts, and is incredibly kind and empathetic to others.
With my daughter there is nothing diagnosable. She just seems to have her emotions on high at all times and needs lots of support to control them when anything out of the ordinary happens.

You say she doesn't like loud sounds but at the same time loves music class?

She sounds similar to most children but only slightly a little more worrying. No harm in speaking to your doctor.

However sometimes when we think our child has something we symptom spot out of worry. Most of it sounds fine. I mean most children throw tantrums coming in and out of cars etc that's what they do.

It is normal to have difficulties with sensory processing up till about 3 and the ot that works with my son wouldn't look at it in children up until that age. If it is not starting to settle down now it may be worth speaking to some one. An actual diagnosis of sensory processing disorder is unlikely to be given though as it is not widely accepted as a condition, although someone may be described as having sensory processing difficulties
If you have any reason to think she may have an asc (what you have described is frequently found in children with asd but other things would need to be present as well) I would ask for a referral to a paediatrician.

Neice was like this at 2-3. 6 now and it's been identified at school that they're fairly certain she has an eidetic memory (like one of my siblings). She also has a very high IQ. No MH issues.

That link to first signs of autism covers a whole range of behaviours (several of which my non autistic sons exhibit) so please don't let it concern you too much until you get the guidance of a professional.
3 is a difficult age and it definitely sounds as if you need OT assistance to help make day to day life easier.
to you.

It sounds very much like my DS1

I suggest you read the book "The Highly Sensitive Child"

As a concept, I think there's an overlap with ASD, but first and foremost the book helped me to understand and accept him.

He grew out of many of these things

Sorry to jump on this op but have a question about my one year old. Is it ok that she will make a bee line for books, paper etc and unless stopped will eat it. Is there something missing from her diet. She bright, happy, dev as she should be baby but this paper, book thing ive no idea is it normal for a one year old. She plays with toys etc no problem. Is it linked to teething as she has vvv red cheeks at the moment?

Op talk to gp or hv if worried. Xx

As a parent of a child with Autism and SPD, this sounds awfull familliar. Do keep a diary of her behaviours, mabey video them, make an appointment with her GP and ask to be referred to the Community Paeditrician, to rule out anything.

My DD (almost 4) is/was like this. She has improved greatly in the last year or so though.

We were referred by a few different people, for her to be assessed for autism but we were told at her age, none of her behaviors met the threshold for diagnosis and we should 'wait and see' if she improves.

Maybe speak to your health visitor? Our first one was useless but the we moved house and our new one referred us straight away when she came for a visit and DD wouldn't come out from under the coffee table.

londonrach

Yes, sounds normal to me

I would get her checked out as the sensitivity to noise, difficulty transitioning and issues with her emotions makes me think autism is a possibilty.

The extreme sensitivity reminds me of my son age 7 who has autism. He will often cry at sad parts in films when other children would feel only a small bit sad.

I also used to feel he was a bit different to other children as a toddler as he was harder to manage.

He is doing very well now at age 7 in school as adjustments have been made for him.

Spikeyball Sorry to derail, but do you have any links for that? I've never heard that before, but my son had real problems with sensory issues (mainly food) and had regular meltdowns from the age of about 9-10 months. He is 3.5 now, and seems to have grown out of it, but you always have that worry at the back of your mind (especially since am pretty sure his big sister is on the autistic spectrum).

OP: I would try parenting strategies recommended for children with ASD. I sometimes think that diagnosis can be a bit of a red herring - often you get no additional support, and a 'yes' or 'no' won't change the things your child is struggling with. For example, my DD masks extremely well, so can't even get a referral for diagnosis at the moment, but that doesn't change her extreme anxiety and social issues. I am currently focusing on how I can best meet her needs, and not worrying about getting her referred. Obviously that may change later on, if it becomes apparent that she needs more help from school, but at the moment they are being very supportive and helpful.

She sounds a lot like my daughter, but more extreme.

I don't really have any advice just keep doing what you are doing. Mt dd is six now, the thing that's really helped us is that she's extremely social as well as being shy.

It's quite odd if we are with her she clams up around new people (adults she's fine with kids). But if I leave her somewhere (Rainbows, school) she will talk to adults. She's always one of the quiet ones in a class but she will speak. Whereas with us she's virtually mute.

She was always very anxious as a toddler.
I've always tried to find activities or things she loves and in order to access that activity she has to overcome a fear. I don't do this in a mean way, must of the time the activity means you have to go somewhere new or talk to a new person.

My dd is so similar, sadly you are likely in for a long, difficult road accessing diagnosis and support. So practical advice I can offer are;

Buy some ear defenders, honestly they can make all the difference. Put them in the change bag and always give her the option to pop them on if she wants them. It gives her control over the noises in her environment, it's empowering for her and will help lessen anxiety.

Youtube is an amazing tool, the day before you go somewhere see if you can find any videos on youtube, talk through what will happen. Find photos on the website. "We will park the car here, get the buggy out, get you and baby out, then walk here to the entrance and wait our turn to pay" helps her know what to expect and helps her mentally prepare. You might find google street view great for showing her town centres and the outside of buildings. But giving her time in advance to know what's coming can be a great help. Then you can repeat we're parking, getting the buggy, getting you out, walking, then waiting and each time you tick something off you can say what's left.

Try to find her sensory safe spaces. For my dd sweet popcorn is something she uses a lot to feel safe and secure when anxious. It could be food, a song or sound, a dark quiet room. But having something that is consistent and safe will give her a great way to unwind when stressed.

Also remember her differences are not just weaknesses, they are strengths too. Her strong sense of empathy and sensitivity will make her a resilient and kind person. Her strengths and weaknesses are just a little different from most childrens, but they are no better or worse. it can be so so hard though, pm me if you need someone who has been there to talk to. Dd is 4 and a half now, it's been tough but she's thriving and doesn't even need ear defenders much anymore!

FYI - The link I posted is specifically about young girls on the spectrum.

Areyoufree do you mean about sensory difficulties in very young children?
Sorry I don't have any links but both the ot who specialise in sensory processing difficulties who have worked with my son, have said that many very young ones have poor sensory regulation and it (by itself) is not a sign of long term difficulties unless it continues beyond the age of 3.

Spikeyball Thank you - that's a weight off my mind! If it hadn't been for the constant meltdowns, I would have had no concerns about him whatsoever. And now I can stop worrying that they might make a reappearance (seriously, it was every meal time, and at least once a night. Sometimes he would wake up 3 or 4 times in the night screaming, and wouldn't stop for 45 minutes to an hour each time). Fun times.

Op I don't think you would be wrong to get this checked out at all, but I just wanted to let you know that I was very much like this as a child. Although I am someone who does like a bit of peace and quiet I did grow out of it, I was very trying for my parents at the time. I can still remember particular loud noises that I found utterly terrifying and unbearable, that in retrospect were completely ordinary sounds like my parents coffee grinder. I found a lot of my clothes unbearably uncomfortable and new and busy places very disorientating. I can't remember exactly when I grew out of it, but I was definitely able to cope a lot better by the time I was around 8.

Areyoufree

Re: screaming in the night. DS1 used to have Night Terrors. They started when he was about 18months old and have gradually tailed off - last one was about 3 years ago - (he's 17)

He had frequent meltdowns as a toddler

BTW, totally agree with what you've written Areyoufree

Read, understand, support. Seek diagnosis later if necessary.