AIBU not to reply to my friends DP messages

[Chocolatteandbiscuits]

The messages are nothing sexual/flirty but I feel it's a bit odd. She's been with him about 3 years now. The way their relationship begun weren't under the best circumstances. He was still living with his ex and I have a feeling he cheated on his ex with my friend but she's never confirmed.
Anyway from about Dec last year he has sent me messages asking how me and my son are, if I'm going to be doing the gym class, if me and my son want to come for tea, asking how me and my new DP were getting on. I've been polite back but haven't engaged in conversation with him. This all looks friendly and I admit it doesn't look like anything but the thing I find strange is when I do go there he doesn't talk to me much and just hoovers around. She once sent me her month shift pattern so we could work out a time to meet and he text me when she was on nights. He admitted he didn't have hardly any friends so I think is he just being friendly? My friend has not mentioned anything about messages and I have been thinking about dropping in conversation oh ....... has mentioned the gym we go to is closing. So she knows that I'm being open. Thing is she's distanced herself from me recently for no reason. Has she seen he's been messaging me and got annoyed? Like I said I don't really engage though so I can't see why.

Do you think this is normal behaviour and WIBU to mention it in a conversation briefly? Sorry about the long post didn't want to drip feed

This is really really off. Your instincts are correct. He is either sniffing to cheat OR he is a controlling weirdo who intends to make sure he controls her friendships in some way, or undermines them.

My approach would be general ignoring, and definitely do not let the feelings this arouses in you result in you distancing yourself from the friend (this is possibly his intention). So if you catch yourself not messaging her because you feel a bit awkward - message her! Etc.

Tough one! He sounds bad news.

Thanks fizzy I've just posted another post about the pair of them today as she text me this morning saying they are going holiday shopping etc. Anyway it got to 3 (had arranged to see her at half 1) so I made a excuse and said not to come round. Pretty annoyed

"... on "girls nights" he sits with us in the corner just listening and not contributing it's really awkward. I don't get why my friend doesn't find that strange."

Just say to her you would rather girls nights out are all girls. Or you two go out together without him. He sounds like a massive bore.

Like Hygge I think telling your friend casually may be the way to go. But you need to get friend alone. How about a time you can go for a facial together, GIRLS ONLY. You can get them free at Debenhams with Clarins I think, or some company. When your son is being looked after, obviously, girl (women) time, no men!

What do you want to achieve here?

Keep your friend, lose this creep?

Do not reply to texts. You don't need any new friends, her dp is not my friend, you want to focus on your DF, especially due to medical situation.

Just do whatever you think will keep your friend and lose the creep.

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's a duck.

Trust your instinct and just don't reply. Just because someone texts you, doesn't mean you must reply. If he persists, block him.

He's a twat. I would copy her into every 'conversation', ie "Twat msged me about ds, he's fine, how are you?" "Twat asked me about x, it's like this......Shall we meet up?" "Twat said you're free on Wednesday afternoon, and I could pop in to see you. Is 4.30 OK?" and so on and so on.

Is he a SAHP?

My friend's DH has had real trouble a few times organising things for their DC's as a few Mums think he's trying to organise to see them when it's innocent. It's spoiled relationships between friend and two of her friends when she "wouldn't" see his text asking if they and their kids fancied soft play was "absolutely clear with it's hidden meaning".

However, if he's not and your instinct is dodgy then trust it.

lala neither of them are parents. So he doesnt really have an exucse to text me regarding playdates

I also think he's looking to cheat. But another thing that would worry me is that he's always with her? Do you never get any time to spend with just your friend? It sounds a bit worrying to be honest, like he's very controlling.

I think you should try to get her on your own. Perhaps tell her you've got a problem you want to talk to her about, but it's private.