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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to go out for lunch with him?

29 replies

Frogandbear · 05/08/2017 11:09

My parents are coming over this afternoon and for the first time in a few months we have the opportunity to go out for a few hours without the DC. I was really looking forward to it, looking for somewhere to go for lunch, etc.

This morning DH has been absolutely awful to me. We have a therapist to come in to work with one of our DC for a few hours at the weekend and every single time he goes out of his way to embarrass me. He has what I can only describe as tantrums about everything and nothing, if I get fed up of him and move him aside so I can leave the room he loudly exclaims 'why are you pushing me'. He makes comments really loudly on purpose so she can hear like 'why are you looking at me like that'...blah, blah, blah. It's absolutely ridiculous...it's like he wants her to think he's an absolute idiot. I just can't work it out....

He also did this kind of thing when we were on holiday with my parents and sat on his phone the whole time instead of getting involved with the children or anyone else. When I made a point of saying something, my mum told me that I was always mean to him Sad

It really upsets me because I know this afternoon if I say I don't want to go out for lunch with him to my parents they'll just say I'm being silly and making a fuss. It makes me question whether I am just being silly...

OP posts:
JamPasty · 05/08/2017 11:12

Does he have any good points, because his behaviour sounds utterly weird

BetterEatCheese · 05/08/2017 11:13

Doesn't sound like you're just being silly. What does he say if you confront him about it afterwards?

Aquamarine1029 · 05/08/2017 11:14

Why are you still married to such a total asshole?

Original poster
Frogandbear · 05/08/2017 11:19

It is weird...it's like the opposite of showing off...
If you met him you would think he is the nicest and most normal person and that is the problem...

OP posts:
Original poster
Frogandbear · 05/08/2017 11:21

Everyone thinks I'm the mean one for always being off with him.

OP posts:
Assburgers · 05/08/2017 11:23

Maybe lunch would be a good opportunity to ask him wtf is going on?

JamPasty · 05/08/2017 11:24

How is he usually? If he's like this, then if I were you I'd start thinking about leaving

Oldraver · 05/08/2017 11:24

..it's like he wants her to think he's an absolute idiot

No he's trying to make out you are mean and nasty

C0untDucku1a · 05/08/2017 11:25

It diesnt sound like he is trying to make the therapist think heia an idiot, but rather that you are awful to him. Same with your parents. He is trying to make it look like you are the awful person and he is brow beateN. I think he is working up to ending the marriage. Or making you end it. He sounds like he has checked out.

ofudginghell · 05/08/2017 11:26

Next time he does it just say to him in front of whoever is there
"Are you deliberately trying to make a scene dh it's just your acting really strange"and walk off Hmm

Failing that tell him to grow the f up

giantpurplepeopleeater · 05/08/2017 11:28

YANBU.

Not surprised you don't want to be around his behaviour. Tell him so, and tell your parents to butt out, then go for a relaxing lunch on your own!

Anecdoche · 05/08/2017 11:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ItWentDownMyHeartHole · 05/08/2017 11:32

Is it because you're showing him how he makes you feel rather than telling him? I did that for years with my family and I think I just looked like a passive aggressive sulky arse. I've started to actually say directly and it makes me seem reasonable and them less so. Try being calm and really clear when your DH behaves like a tit. "Sorry, what did you say?" when he starts and he has to repeat the stupid thing he just said. Poor you. It sounds a bit grim.

ShapelyBingoWing · 05/08/2017 11:35

Sounds like he wants to make you look like an awful partner. Can't say I know why though. Is there any chance he's having an affair?

Original poster
Frogandbear · 05/08/2017 11:39

No chance he's having an affair. He never leaves the house other than work and is a terrible liar.

OP posts:
Increasinglymiddleaged · 05/08/2017 11:40

It sounds like he treats you in the same way as your parents do Sad

IdentifiesAsASloth · 05/08/2017 11:43

Stop giving him negative attention, you are giving him exactly what he wants!

Original poster
Frogandbear · 05/08/2017 11:44

No, my parents are fantastic. They just can't possibly understand that someone would have such a split personality I suppose...it just doesn't make sense.

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 05/08/2017 11:46

stop giving him negative attention, you are giving him exactly what he wants!

Should she go whole hog and just use positive reinforcement? Or should she not have to treat her husband as a toddler?

HappyintheHills · 05/08/2017 11:48

He is pulling the 'pity me's. My DH did it so that he had an excuse for a drink.

Don't move him, just say 'excuse me' and walk away.

Birdsgottaf1y · 05/08/2017 11:49

""He has what I can only describe as tantrums about everything and nothing, if I get fed up of him and move him aside so I can leave the room he loudly exclaims 'why are you pushing me'.""

Do you ask him to move, why do you have to push him?

Increasinglymiddleaged · 05/08/2017 11:49

I don't think that treating you like a child and accusing you of 'making a fuss' is fantastic but each to their own. If they are that fantastic you need to tell them to back you up.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 05/08/2017 11:56

How long has this been going on for?

I'm not saying he's having an affair, but don't discount it, many an affair has been conducted during working hours.

Wanting out of the relationship, but not wanting to be 'the bad guy' or the one to leave generally prompts this kind of twattery around others so they're seen as the victim when you finally crack and tell them it's over.

What's he like when he doesn't have an audience?

Mittens1969 · 05/08/2017 11:56

You don't need to tell your parents why you don't want him there initially. Just say you're tired and stressed, and would like a child free meal for once, so DH is staying at home to look after the kids. That is perfectly understandable and he won't be able to argue with that reason without showing his true colours to your parents.

Then when you're away from your DH you'll be able to tell them what you've told us on here. The behaviour you've described on here really is U, and very childish.

Skittlesandbeer · 05/08/2017 12:07

Dump the lot of them and have a nice meal out by yourself. You deserve a better class of company.

If it were me, every time he made one of these nonsensical comments, I'd make one back. 'Ooooo who's hogging the marmalade now, laddie!' or 'didn't we agree not to use 's' words on Tuesdays? That's a 2 bob fine to you! Tee hee!'

One or other of you will no doubt be carted off, but no point worrying till it happens, eh?