To expect daily contact?

[andshewillbeloved]

From dds dad who is working abroad for the next couple of years. 4 days have passed and not even a text message. We're not together any more but I don't see how he can let a full day pass with our even asking how she is

When DH worked away for long periods he didn't get in touch every single day. He had set days where he contacted the kids (set days for their sake) and then it was ad hoc for him contacting me when he had time and when it wasn't too much (he really struggled being away) and me letting him know odd details here and there.

Daily contact? YABU. Why would you expect that?

Is she old enough for him to message her directly? (I'm assuming that he has access to the Internet and not on a submarine or something)

Is she old enough to speak on the phone?

Did he text daily when he lived in the same country?

Does he have social media where you can see if he's alive but not have direct contact?

Is there a reason why he should contact you/her daily?

My ex messages every few days if I don't message him first. He worships ds, and is a great dad. I send random pics or videos. Maybe send him a pic?

I don't message every day when I'm away from the kids. She's sends nice photos sometimes and I call for a chat sometimes.

My husband has worked abroad on many occasions. He's never text or rang everyday. Why would he? There's absolutely no need. If there was a problem that he needed to know about I would have told him.

YABU.

But if he was in this country and had eow contact you wouldn't expect him to be in contact daily or maybe you would but that is weird

So yes YABU.

There's alot of variables in this-
How long ago was the split?
How old is dc- does contact need to be through you? Can they talk to him alone?
Different country- time zones/work schedule may also come into play?
Was contact expectations discussed previously?

I would find daily contact a bit annoying

What littlemisssweetness said.

There's too many factors at play to say for sure.

Gut instinct is every day is a bit much and YABU

YABU. DS's dad lives abroad, they Skype weekly or fortnightly and that's plenty.

YABU. Sorry

pssh id be grateful he was out of my hair/i didn't have to share my DC

Daily contact would be quite unusual. Even non-resident parents in the same country or town rarely have that sort of contact in my experience. When DSS was little, he came most weekends, in between it was the odd call or text if something happened or needed sorting, but not daily.

If he didn't when he lived in the same country - I wouldn't expect him to suddenly start now...

Did he text everyday prior to moving away?

Depends how old she is. If she's really young then I'd say not messaging in four days is a bit wrong, but you can't expect him to be getting in touch every day when you're not together, sorry.

My husband used to work away. I'd have found daily contact a bit much to be honest. If it got to more than four days I'd think that was a bit off, however. For me, every two to three days was enough.

Massively unreasonable!! My DH is RAF and when he is away we probably talk 2 or 3 times a week, there is no need for daily contact. Presumably you can call him if there is an emergency concerning your DD?

Is this a wind up?

If not, that would be some phone bill!

I don't even daily contact with my kids when I am away, and I am their mother! I do whatsapp DH to be fair, and he relays messages, but I can't call or skype everyday. It's more a time issue than anything, I might only be free when they are already in bed. I don't even ask how they are, I am sure someone would let me know if something happens.
Same when Dh is away, we are in touch, but it's not always about the kids. I don't think any of my kids expect to hear from us every day.

YABU.

OP, why would your DD need him to contact you every day when she's with you?
Does she have comms channels of her own to him (does she facetime him etc)

Without wanting to be rude:
A) you're not in a relationship any more so unless there's a need re: DD for him to be in touch, he does not need to do in daily contact, it's blurred boundaries and how could he ever form new relationships?

B) I'd consider those levels of contact for an ex to be stslkerish! (Unless you're needing to talk about parenting stuff ofc)

C) what job does he do where he has time and space and privacy and enough updates talk every day?! ("Yep, still at work. Nothing changed since I last spoke to you literally 18 hrs ago"). Also he's meant to be working... Lots of jobs you can't have your phone, you're there to work! (Surgeon, retail staff, child minder, receipnist)

D) the cost, unless you all have free calls eg what's app