Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To rethink this decision with DP?

52 replies

MsBeeSting · 04/08/2017 16:05

So background-- DP and I have been together 2 years. I am unemployed at the minute and homeless as a result of this so I stay with DP. I cannot stay at other family for various reasons not valid to this thread. The plan is when I get a job, hopefully if my interview this weekend works out, then DP and I will move into a new place together. (He currently shares an apartment with a cousin).

So last night DP had some upsetting news that his grandmother who lives in Asia was robbed of all her money 10k+ by a man posing as a policeman so in her elderly state being threatened by 'police' she gave them what she was told she owed.

DP feels sick at this obviously as she is old, now with no money, all family live in the UK now and they need to get money to her asap.

So due to having a lot going on, he's asked me to stay elsewhere this morning. Now I know he's very stressed but AIBU to think that if we are to move out together within the next few months, then he should be wanting me around in situations like this and that we should be able to share the same space when he is upset.

When were both on a tenancy he won't be able to ask me to stay elsewhere for the night. So I don't know how to feel that he's done it today when we practically live together (been staying with him 4 months).

He's done this occasionally before when there's been family problems.

OP posts:
Miserylovescompany2 · 04/08/2017 17:43

You've been living together for 4 months - so not technically homeless!

Are you in receipt of any benefits? Do you have any money incoming?

Maybe he doesn't want to move into a property with a shared tenancy - the Grandmother story could be an elaborate smoke screen - is he planning to move her in? If not - what difference does it make?

So basically you have to leave every time he has a wobble Confused and you are thinking of having a shared tenancy? I'd be reassessing my plans if I were you...

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 04/08/2017 17:53

You aren't living just with him though are you? You are living with him and his cousin.

Maybe the cousin is getting pissed off and has told your bf to get you out. I'd certainly be very pissed off if I were him.

So two male cousins decided to share an apartment then one's girlfriend needs a place to stay for a few nights and ends up staying for 4 months. You say a share of the rent and extra bills are covered which is good but the lack of privacy, the different dynamics, and unemployed girlfriend hanging round the the place all the time for 4 months could get very wearing. When there is an emergency, real or made up, that might be the last straw and they want you out.

Original poster
MsBeeSting · 04/08/2017 18:42

For clarification incase I haven't been clear enough
He's only asked me to stay elsewhere for one night. It's not a ploy to get me out the apartment for good.

I do most the housework.

When I say he's done this before, I meant before I was homeless and had my own place. We lived round the corner from each other so he asked me if I could stay in my own house while he was dealing with a family problem

OP posts:
thekillers · 04/08/2017 18:46

All sounds odd.

Assuming that you are a UK or EU citizen then you have no need to be homeless. Go to the council and request emergency accommodation.

Cant understand why you gave up where you lived before as if you were unemployed then housing benefits would have kicked in.

Why is doing the housework relevant in any way?

VimFuego101 · 04/08/2017 18:46

Are you sure that the cousin isn't fed up with you staying? Are you contributing anything to bills?

Flatpackback · 04/08/2017 18:47

It all sounds very dodgy indeed. Think very hard about this relationship, I just don't believe a word about the granny incident but maybe that's says more about me than you. I would take it with a very large pinch of salt and try and work out what's really going on. Good luck.

Original poster
MsBeeSting · 04/08/2017 19:15

I don't get why you all think the thing with his Nan is fake. I was there when he found out.

@thekillers someone asked if I contributed to housework

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 04/08/2017 19:19

If the story is true and you aren't a secret relationship then the only explanation is that he just doesn't want you around at a time when he should want you the most.

As has been said - what about when you live together? Is he going to order you to leave the house whenever he feels like it because he doesn't want you to ""see his emotions?" Hmm

This is not normal OP.

Mumof56 · 04/08/2017 19:24

Why the time comes for both of you to move in together will he be able to or will he not because he has sent all his money overseas?

Original poster
MsBeeSting · 04/08/2017 19:48

@Mumof56 he won't be sending all of his money and he's in a high paying job with weekly wages so we'll be fine

OP posts:
Trustmeimadoggroomer17 · 04/08/2017 20:00

We're does he expect you to stay? I'd tell him to do one.

Mumof56 · 04/08/2017 20:02

Will he pay for a hotel for you for the night? if he has a high paying job and you are unemployed?

Miserylovescompany2 · 04/08/2017 20:09

Do you have any of your own money - are you financially dependant on this man?

Did he have the call on loud speaker? How can you be certain this isn't a ploy to get shot of you?

What kind of high paying job pays weekly?

UnicornSparkles1 · 04/08/2017 20:12

It's weird and very unreasonable. Where does he think you'll go?

Topseyt · 04/08/2017 20:22

Sorry, but it sounds very dodgy indeed. I don't believe it, and even if it is true, I can't see why his grandma losing her money means you have to leave, whether for only one night or for longer.

Sorry if that isn't what you want to hear.

Original poster
MsBeeSting · 04/08/2017 20:26

You all realise I'll be back there tomorrow. He just wanted some time to clear his head with all that's going on. He asked me if I could stay somewhere else for one night and j made arrangements. If I couldn't, then he would've had no problem me staying over.

@miserylovescompany2 it's a family business so they pay weekly out of the profits at the end of each week. He had the call on loud speaker yes.

I don't think he's trying to get rid of me. I think you've all completely made this upConfused my AIBU was simply a question of are we ready to move together if he needs space when he's having a hard time. I've come to the conclusion we all like a little space and alone time to think sometimes in an upsetting event. So I'm not concerned about it anymore

OP posts:
Original poster
MsBeeSting · 04/08/2017 20:27

He's very much a take care of everyone person and I think he just doesn't want me to see him vulnerable and upset. His parents will very much put this on him to help out his grandmother

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 04/08/2017 20:31

So the valid concerns raised on this thread about the foundations of your relationship have led you to conclude "nope, nothing to see here, all is fine, la la la" ?

Oh dear

Miserylovescompany2 · 04/08/2017 20:53

If its a family business why does all the emphasis go on your DH?

third time lucky DO YOU HAVE ANY OF YOUR OWN MONEY?

I agree with AnyFucker

Further more, I think you've convinced yourself that everything is fine?

Maybe when you stop floating/bobbing around in the waters of D'Nile you'll realise all isn't quite as it appears in LA-LA-Land?

Original poster
MsBeeSting · 04/08/2017 20:53

But they're not valid concerns @AnyFucker people can suggest they're concerns but I'm going to know if they aren't?

A secret relationship from his family was suggested - I know 99% of his family and see them more than my own.
His story was fake - it's really not.
He's trying to get rid of me completely - I'm back there tomorrow.

So how are they valid if I know they're not?

OP posts:
Original poster
MsBeeSting · 04/08/2017 20:54

I have some savings that I'm living off for food/travel etc

OP posts:
Original poster
MsBeeSting · 04/08/2017 20:54

He helps me out when need be.

OP posts:
VladmirsPoutine · 04/08/2017 20:55

This is the link to the Relationships board: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships

See you there in a few months OP.

VladmirsPoutine · 04/08/2017 20:57

You'll soon learn that it's not worth being someone's side part in the play of their life.

Miserylovescompany2 · 04/08/2017 21:23

You mentioned further up thread that you'd never met his parents - yet you've been involved for two years...

It's almost as if you've bought a jigsaw, spent ages piecing it together only to find a HUGE section is missing - rather than binning it - you've sat and whittled some makeshift pieces and forced them to fit! The picture in its entirety will never be how it should be.

Don't waste your time nor energy on someone that dismisses you on a whim or when it suits...

A relationship is between two people - not one calling all the shots!

Do you really truly believe you'll be living together sharing a joint tenancy in a few months time? Or will he put the need of his cousins loneliness first or maybe the need of his long-lost-great-aunts-need-of-a-new-prosthetic-limb before YOU?

Swipe left for the next trending thread