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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to want my own life at 31?

32 replies

Onedaylikethis3456 · 04/08/2017 13:37

I'm 31 just split with someone.
No kids.
I moved out of my dads house 5 years ago into a rented flat.
Only me and my dad in regards to family.
I've just got the keys to a new place,I told my dad who said just give it up and move back here.
What do you want to move for,your wasting your money,move in here and bring all your stuff here.
I want my own space and eventually meet someone and be able to actually spend time with him and have him over etc (obviously I can't say that to my dad)
Now I've just told him I've got the keys and I'm decorating he started to shout at me saying I'm a stupid kid and no brains and hung up.
I'm nearly 32 why should I live like this.

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 04/08/2017 13:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Onedaylikethis3456 · 04/08/2017 13:39

I don't know,he never has.
I've never been able to talk to him about anything.
He just shouts and talks down to me.
I want kids in the next few years,I want my own life.

OP posts:
loaferloveforyou · 04/08/2017 13:41

Is your dad lonely, perhaps?

PoisonousSmurf · 04/08/2017 13:43

Sounds like he wants you around to skivvy after him.

Qvar · 04/08/2017 13:43

Reiterate - " I am thirty one years old. I am not living with my dad any more. I wNt to meet someone, get married and have children, and living with my dad will hinder that. I'm not a child and I am making
Adult choices

PoisonousSmurf · 04/08/2017 13:44

Any loving parent would be GLAD their kids moved out. Do your own thing. He needs to find his own life and stop living it through you by bullying!

SnugglyBedSocks · 04/08/2017 13:48

The fact he called you a stupid kid shows why he thinks you should do as he says

Live your own life. Be free and enjoy it!

OrangeButton · 04/08/2017 13:49

Why would you want to live with anyone who speaks to you like that, father or not?!

Happy decorating!!

Original poster
Onedaylikethis3456 · 04/08/2017 13:53

He has said I'm not helping you decorate..little does he know if been decorating for the last week and I'm doing pretty good.
I love my little place and I don't think I've left it too late for kids etc
I just need to get my arse in gear.

OP posts:
Birdsgottaf1y · 04/08/2017 14:03

You shouldn't be vague. State your wants and challenge his viewpoint.

Otherwise it probably isn't going to go well when you meet someone/announce your pregnancy.

If he starts to shout, leave every time. He hasn't got the right to bully you. It might mean very limited contact, but it might go that way if you get a bf that he doesn't approve of and try's the same tactics on.

Birdsgottaf1y · 04/08/2017 14:05

X post, you certainly haven't left it too late for children or anything else that you want.

Zaphodsotherhead · 04/08/2017 14:09

Maybe he sees you as the 'dutiful daughter' who will care for him in his old age; cook and clean for him and housekeep and all that other Victorian shit.

Practice your Mumsnet head-tilt and pitying sigh. He knows full well why you want your own life, he just thinks it should be spent catering for him.

SleightOfHand · 04/08/2017 14:12

I'd distance myself.

SleightOfHand · 04/08/2017 14:14

Is your dad lonely, perhaps? Even if he is, he shouldn't burden his daughter with it.

Oldraver · 04/08/2017 14:15

He sounds a nasty shit and I reckon he is lining you up to be his live in housemaid.

Most parents would be happy for their children to forge their own lives

RubbishMantra · 04/08/2017 14:21

I want my own space and eventually meet someone and be able to actually spend time with him and have him over etc (obviously I can't say that to my dad)

^^That's an entirely reasonable thing to want. What's not reasonable is asking you to sacrifice your wants/needs for his own. He's attempting to make you doubt your ability to live alone and be an adult. Extremely selfish IMO.

FluffyWhiteSlippers · 04/08/2017 14:22

He's sounds lonely and a bit controlling but no evil. This is just one to ignore, I'm afraid. No grand-er solution, just carry on doing you.

LaurieFairyCake · 04/08/2017 14:24

Snort "Oh god I'm far too old to be living with my dad. And it would just show you had done a shit job of parenting me to independence if I moved back in"

Bet he says nowt

LittleWingSoul · 04/08/2017 14:28

I want my own space and eventually meet someone and be able to actually spend time with him and have him over etc (obviously I can't say that to my dad)

You're 31, not 13! Your Dad may find it embarassing you have a sex life, but maybe that's what he needs to hear!

Anecdoche · 04/08/2017 14:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trills · 04/08/2017 14:32

He's not exactly acting in a way that is likely to make you want to live with him, is he?

loaferloveforyou · 04/08/2017 14:34

Sleight I agree - was just thinking it may go some way to excuse his behaviour.

Trills · 04/08/2017 14:35

I don't think I've left it too late for kids etc

Who suggested that you had?

You're 31. Lots of people are single at 31 and go on to have children.

Gah81 · 04/08/2017 14:40

Good for you. My parents kept on trying to persuade me to stay with them/save money etc. but my god, it felt so good to have my own little place.

You will never be as free/unbeholden to anyone as you are right now - out of a relationship and with your time and space all to yourself. Have a wonderful time and enjoy being your own person.

Giraffey1 · 04/08/2017 14:49

31 is nothing. You have your whole life ahead of you! Don't allow your dad to belittle you. Have some coping strategies in place.

'It's nice you care dad, but I'm excited about having my own place and I know you want me to be happy."

"I'm really enjoying having my own space and I've decorated everything just how I like it."

"You wouldn't want me and all my clutteraround you at home. You've brought me up to be indepent and that;s what I'm being."

"Come on dad, I'm not a spotty teenager any more. What parent in their right mind wants their grown up kids back home cramping their style."

If he goes into shouting mode, just say calmly.

"Please don't shout at me, it isn't necessary. I'm going to finish the conversation now because you are shouting t me and I'm not willing to put up with that."

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