Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"but I don't enjoy housework like you do" grrr!

61 replies

ullavon · 04/08/2017 10:34

Ok so I do keep my house very clean, tidy and organised. In that area I'm a very all or nothing person and having a clean well organised, pleasent home is important to my mental health. I'm much happier and energetic if I keep on top of the housework I don't enjoy it as such but do feel satisfaction from it I also use daily, weekly etc routines to help me keep on top of it all and listen to music, audiobooks to make it less dull.

My sister in law was round yesterday evening for dinner and she was going around my cupboards commenting on how tidy they were inside and then she said how she could never be bothered with all that as she just doesn't "enjoy housework like you do" and the implication is that they all have better things to do.

She isn't the only who thinks this my mother in law and cousin have both said similar things. It just annoys me that people think I love cleaning like I have nothing better to do. I don't love and I don't spend hours every day I just keep on top of it day in day out and it really doesn't take that much time.

AIBU to be annoyed at this?

OP posts:
whifflesqueak · 04/08/2017 10:37

Reminds me of a quote, I think by the great mind of Homer Simpson, "but I'm not like other people, pain hurts me!"

Genghi · 04/08/2017 10:38

Do you both work/are you both SAHM? If so it's probably just a way to justify why their houses are messy. If you're a sahm and your sister's a WP then it's possible she's just stating a fact.

Babymamamama · 04/08/2017 10:40

Don't worry about it. You do what suits you and let them live how they wish. People have different standards. I'm sure they'd love a tidy house like yours but can't be bothered.

FlowerFairyLights · 04/08/2017 10:40

I doubt she was being mean. I wish my house was tidier/cleaner and am sometimes in aww of those with routines and spend hours a day on their house. I can't ever maintain motivation and do wish I got a kick out of it like I know a friend does. It's genuine "I wish i was like you". I really don't enjoy any aspect of it and find it hard to be motivated enough so just do the basics.

Bluntness100 · 04/08/2017 10:41

To be fair if your cupboards are tidy I'd also think you enjoyed it, it's not an insult. Some folks do. My home is clean and tidy but my cupboards not so much,,,

Fairenuff · 04/08/2017 10:41

Actually I agree with your sister. You do enjoy a clean, tidy, well organised home and the way to get that is to clean, tidy and organise it. There's nothing wrong with that, it's just how you prefer it.

Enb76 · 04/08/2017 10:41

Yes - YABU

You get satisfaction from having a clean house and make the effort to receive that satisfaction. Good for you.

They can't not be bothered to expend this effort and therefore have none of the satisfaction that you do in having a clean house - they probably are not that bothered as the effort/satisfaction payoff is not worth it for them.

Them commenting is a little rude but probably defensive rather than overtly trying to be mean.

FlowerFairyLights · 04/08/2017 10:41

Rather than be annoyed if take it as a compliment!

abigcupoffuckyou · 04/08/2017 10:41

But cleaning and having a clean house is very important to you, so you do gain satisfaction from it. They don't. What is wrong with saying so? It's not a slight on you, if anything its the opposite. I'd love to have more drive to keep things clean and tidy but I hate it and I'm lazy and things get on top of me.

coconutpie · 04/08/2017 10:50

YANBU.

Also, can you share your daily / weekly routines? I'd love some tips!

Original poster
ullavon · 04/08/2017 10:51

Ok I can see what your all saying. I suppose it just feels like they are saying "ulla, you love nothing more than cleaning and tidying up, while I'm too busy with important things etc" I do work but from home which does help me keep on top of things. My SIL works fulltime, my MIL is retired and my cousin is a fulltime sahm.

And I really don't spend hours a day doing housework, I just have a morning routine, after dinner routine, and bedtime routine as well as clearing up as I go alone as well as set days for hoovering, dusting etc.

OP posts:
allertse · 04/08/2017 10:52

YANBU

I hate housework. Really don't enjoy doing it. But having a clean and tidy house is important to me, so I suck it up and do it because I like the result.

If it actually wasn't important to them they wouldn't be sounding envious over what they think is minimal effort for you to attain it.

GreatFuckability · 04/08/2017 10:55

but you do enjoy it. at least the end result, so i think its a genuine 'i wish i could be so motivated' comment. i have a friend with 6 children and her house is always immaculate and i'm totally in awe of her. My house is a bombsite 80% of the time. i wish i could be like her.

PickAChew · 04/08/2017 10:56

Satisfaction from a clean house isn't the same as enjoying cleaning, though. I bloody hate cleaning and sometimes find it downright painful (I have HMS) but I like having clean surfaces, unsmeared windows and a carpet coloured carpet and being able to find things in cupboards. The magic fairies aren't going to do it so I just get on with it myself.

Penny4UrThoughts · 04/08/2017 10:56

But you clearly get more satisfaction from it than they do.

I don't think it's a criticism. I too would love to have a cleaner, tidier house but I have other things that are a higher priority for me and housework is something that has to fit around life.

I have had someone comment that they wish they could just sit down after a day at work and not feel like they need to get the house just right - That could be construed as more insulting that what has been said to you - but I choose to take it in the way it was mean't - an observation not an insult. If it's factual it's hardly insulting!

Original poster
ullavon · 04/08/2017 10:57

Coconutpie, my routines are loosely based of the fly lady routines so I do a quick morning run around, wipe down the bathroom, wash dishes and put away after every use, sweep kitchen floor after most meals. I hoover and dust properly twice a week mon & friday and use a carpet sweeper in between as needed. Put washing on a timer so its ready to hang up when I get up in the morning. Then I do the weekly zones of my house for a deeper clean and rotate them though the month. The bathroom does need more attention though and so I clean that most weeks.

When we moved into this house I got rid of a lot of junk and found a place for everything so its easy to keep organised it you just put things back as you go along. I also try to think carefully before buying stuff.

Easy!

OP posts:
Penny4UrThoughts · 04/08/2017 10:57

ullavon - please share your routines, it might help people like me get better at this stuff!

Fairenuff · 04/08/2017 10:57

Btw good idea to listen to audio books while you clean. I usually have music on but never thought of books.

Zoflorabore · 04/08/2017 10:59

I'm the same op, I also have (diagnosed) OCD and am the butt of all jokes from my family/friends/neighbours.

I have been accused of being antisocial as I'm too busy cleaning too enjoy myself and if I dare to say my house is a mess I'm shot down with " oh as if " like they don't believe me!

I have always been like this, even as a young child, it's all I know.
I do enjoy certain aspects of cleaning but I hate ironing ( which I still do ) even tea towels but it's like I don't feel right if my house isn't clean, I accept that not everyone is like me which took a long time to figure out!

My dc are very different to each other.
My ds is 14, he's spotless, so far removed from the "typical teenager bedroom" stereotype it's unreal.
Dd is 6, she's in danger of becoming a contestant on "how clean is your house?" as she is a total scruff!

My sil used to love looking in my fridge for some reason. She would also notice if I had the slightest thing new. Some people are just nosy or dare I say it- envious.

Enb76 · 04/08/2017 11:02

Easy!

For you, perhaps - I'd look at it for a minute and then go have a cup of tea and then find another displacement activity until I no longer had any time to clean. I resent cleaning, I resent that you just have to keep on doing it all the time. So I don't do it - I clean enough so that I don't live in a filthy house but don't keep it up every day. The ashes of my last fire in March were only cleaned out of the grate a couple of days ago and that was because the chimney sweep was coming.

Lucisky · 04/08/2017 11:03

I don't like housework either, but it has to be done. We had a great declutter some time ago, and that really helped. So no surfaces covered in crap, and room to put stuff away. Consequently the house always looks tidy, even if their might be a bit of dust about.

Zoflorabore · 04/08/2017 11:06

Ps for those struggling- I listen to a brilliant woman on YouTube whilst cleaning or if I'm struggling to get motivated when I have a flare up ( I have fibromyalgia)

Her name is Clutterbug. She's a Canadian mum of 3 who doesn't like cleaning but has devised methods to help her do as much possible in the least amount of time.
I find her massively motivating! She also has organising tips and other stuff but it's her cleaning routines that i most enjoy.

Fly lady is too rigid for me. Each to their own.

ConstanceCraving · 04/08/2017 11:06

But you do love cleaning. They're not wrong are they?

Original poster
ullavon · 04/08/2017 11:06

allertse, yes thank you this is me exactly, I suck it up and do it because I need it to be that way.

I do understand how hard it is to keep things clean and tidy when you're cluttered and disorganised. I used to be so depressed in my old place years ago with no space and too much stuff. The house I'm in now isn't big but its a lot better. Doing that big declutter was major for me and its still ongoing. I'm still working my way though a box of old papers scanning and shredding them and I have lots of recipies I have torn out of magazines I am in the middle of sorting though and putting in a binder, its boring but much more usable than a bag of clippings!

OP posts:
Zoflorabore · 04/08/2017 11:07

I get you completely op!

Swipe left for the next trending thread