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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

"but I don't enjoy housework like you do" grrr!

61 replies

ullavon · 04/08/2017 10:34

Ok so I do keep my house very clean, tidy and organised. In that area I'm a very all or nothing person and having a clean well organised, pleasent home is important to my mental health. I'm much happier and energetic if I keep on top of the housework I don't enjoy it as such but do feel satisfaction from it I also use daily, weekly etc routines to help me keep on top of it all and listen to music, audiobooks to make it less dull.

My sister in law was round yesterday evening for dinner and she was going around my cupboards commenting on how tidy they were inside and then she said how she could never be bothered with all that as she just doesn't "enjoy housework like you do" and the implication is that they all have better things to do.

She isn't the only who thinks this my mother in law and cousin have both said similar things. It just annoys me that people think I love cleaning like I have nothing better to do. I don't love and I don't spend hours every day I just keep on top of it day in day out and it really doesn't take that much time.

AIBU to be annoyed at this?

OP posts:

badtime · 04/08/2017 11:07

Whiffle, Homer may have said that, but Daffy Duck said it decades earlier.

Slimthistime · 04/08/2017 11:13

ullavon I admire you.

I think they might be saying that in a slightly wrong way!

Countrygirl38 · 04/08/2017 11:14

I dont think they are being mean OP, I think they genuinely mean it as a compliment. I desperately wish I could be like some people I know with clean, tidy houses. I struggle with my mental health, motivation and executive functioning problems. I should be able to just do it like you do but I really struggle to motivate myself. I admire people like you!

Original poster

ullavon · 04/08/2017 11:15

Thanks Zoflorabore, I will check out clutterbug myself as I have my own health issues so anything that helps. I think actually having an illness makes me use the time I am well better because I might not be able to do it tomorrow.

I do notice that I have a much lower tolerance for dust and fluff etc. If the bathroom floor is dusty, fluff from towels and hair on it, it just feels dirty to me and I need to clean it up. My husband doesn't really notice and at times I've said to him the house is a state and he is baffled as it looks fine to him.

OP posts:

Original poster

ullavon · 04/08/2017 11:20

Contrygirl, sorry to hear about your mental health issues. I have had issues with depression in the past and have a clean tidy home really helps me feel better and less likely to slip down but for me it really was the big declutter that helped massively and having a place to put everything. I'm not minimalist by any means but just more selective about what I buy and hang on to now. Once you have things organised everything else is easier but I do appreciate that getting to that point isn't so easy even at the best of times.

OP posts:

Genghi · 04/08/2017 11:20

Ulla people based from home often underestimate exactly how much time they do spend on housework. DH is home-based too & will often clear out cupboards or do the laundary & hang it out etc when he has space in his schedule - these are big jobs in our household which I simply wouldn't be able to fit into my diary even when I work from home. He then moans when I can't do it, but actually I genuinely can't as I'm not home-based and even when not commuting will always have 14 hour days jammed with appointments.

Slimthistime · 04/08/2017 11:22

I also have mental health issues and I feel so much better when I can keep on top of stuff - but I don't always feel able to do it.

I know it's partly about routine but I find routine quite annoying and I don't know why?

I am in the process of decluttering and doing "place for everything".

sorry, now I'm just thinking aloud.

Original poster

ullavon · 04/08/2017 11:23

Genghi I do appreciate that working from home does make it easier for me to stay on top of things although I did still get most things done back when I was office based. I am not putting anyone down for not doing what I do, I'm just miffed at the implication I'm in a state of bliss while mopping floors or organising a cupboard!

OP posts:

Witchend · 04/08/2017 11:27

Enb76 I totally get you!
I also tend to have big motivation moments and start a big clear out but run out of time because I only have 1 day off a week. So I shove it all back meaning to continue the next day off, but it then seems so much work just to get back to where I was.

And I've never solved the mystery of:
Empty full but closing cupboard. Throw out 3 full bin bags of stuff (either charity shop/bin/give away). Put stuff back in that's left adding nothing extra. Now the cupboard's so full the door doesn't close.
It must be the only time where the sum of the parts doesn't add up to the total.

Original poster

ullavon · 04/08/2017 11:27

Slimthistime, I think its useful to say that your mental health is improved when the house is tidy, I think a lot of people are the same I know I am.

Routine is really important, I kind of know what you mean about them being annoying. My job is creative and I used to feel as a creative I shouldn't be bound by routine but since embracing good habits my creativity and productivity is a lot better and I don't procrastinate the way I used to when I was younger, I just get stuck in.

Good luck with the declutter, its an ongoing business!

OP posts:

JackieMac77 · 04/08/2017 11:28

YABU to be annoyed by a throwaway comment that was a sort-of-compliment on your housekeeping skills. I doubt any of my family would think I enjoyed housework as it's certainly not reflected in the state of our home!

AztecHero · 04/08/2017 11:32

ulla I'd love to know roughly how long it takes each day, and roughly how big your house is? I get very anxious and stressed when our house is messy, but DH is a hoarder and it upsets me so much. I work from home 3 days a week, and try and keep on top of it but I can't. We have guests this week (who have been regrettably free with their advice) and they have commented that it is always chaos in our house.

This is my routine:

30 mins daily downstairs - kitchen, dishes, litter trays, mop floor
15 mins in our little terrace garden
30 mins upstairs - beds washing away etc

I find it beyond debilitating.

Giraffey1 · 04/08/2017 11:32

You could just say, well, I don't enjoy housework, but I do enjoy the end results!

Zoflorabore · 04/08/2017 11:33

You're welcome op, another one with MH issues here too, I have bipolar and anxiety and I've noticed a correlation in my mental health v the state my house is in.

I do twice as much whilst listening to her

AztecHero · 04/08/2017 11:34

Oh, and we also have a cleaner twice a week who does bathrooms etc. I adore her. Without her we would be divorced. I mean it.

Gooseberrycrumble4 · 04/08/2017 11:40

You clearly are more organised and find housework easier

Fairenuff · 04/08/2017 11:40

I couldn't live with a hoarder.

caffeinestream · 04/08/2017 11:44

I'm a bit like you OP - I don't enjoy it as such, but I like having a clean house and if I do it little and often, it really doesn't take long.

I might use it to my advantage though - DP often says I do too much on my days off and he says I don't need to do as much as I do - but it only takes me 30 minutes max, then I lay on the sofa watching Netflix all day - he feels bad and takes over in the evenings!

Today I stripped the bed, re-made it, put laundry on, vacuumed our bedroom and the living room, put washing away and did the litter trays. Took me half an hour!

Love51 · 04/08/2017 11:46

Aztec 'regrettably free with their advice' . did you invite them? Or did they invite themselves? Poor you either way!

AztecHero · 04/08/2017 11:51

Half and half Love in that we invited one couple and another person added themselves on. I am finding it quite hard and am regretting that I have given up alcohol..... ;)

Fairenuff i struggle with it, I really do. Not just the clutter, but the food hoarding also.

JemandScout · 04/08/2017 11:55

I am fairly tidy but always amazed how quickly it builds up. What's your routine OP?

PacificDogwod · 04/08/2017 12:01

ullavon, your routine sounds fab and I am sure your house is a lovely oasis of calm for being that organised and clean - I wish I had half of your level of commitment

How you feel about that comment makes me thing that you are a bit defensive about how 'house proud' you are though?
"I suppose it just feels like they are saying "ulla, you love nothing more than cleaning and tidying up, while I'm too busy with important things etc"

You need to own what you are doing, you need to be proud of quite how well you look after your house and understand that their comments are a reflection of how they are feeling that they are maybe not doing quite as good a job as you are

Me, I totally own my slatternly ways and comment from people who either a. don't live here or b. do live here but feel the need to clean or tidy are water off a duck's back

ReanimatedSGB · 04/08/2017 12:02

I don't care what other people do with their houses. But it's worth considering, OP, that women who don't bother with housework are judged much more harshly. It's seen as a specifically female moral failing to have a messy home (even if the reason for the mess is a male partner who won't do his share, the woman gets the blame).
So if you felt a bit edgy about what your SIL said, it might be because she's sick of people making digs at her for her lack of housework.

I do very little, my house is a mess. Because I have things which are more important to ME than housework, or having a tidy house.

Bluntness100 · 04/08/2017 12:13

To be honest, now I'm thinking about it, my house is super tidy, no clutter, it's guest ready on all floors. I thought it was to do with age, but I think it's because I love where I live for the first time, so I want to keep it looking beautiful. I think I've become house proud. If someone said to me " you love cleaning" I'd think they were deranged, not just because I have a cleaner I do however love it being tidy and clutter free.

No clothes lying out, no crap lying around, towels neatly hung in bathrooms, dirty dishes in dish washer out of sight, beds made.I suspect I'm quite anal about it actually.

I hate getting up to or coming home to untidiness. My husband usually stays up later than me, and the first thing I do in the morning is tidy away what he's left out, before I even have a coffee, as I can't sit looking at it,

CremeEggThief · 04/08/2017 12:32

I know where you're coming from, Ullavon. My house is super tidy all the time, but it's because I have an obsession with order, and anxiety, and it's a way of staying in control. I'm not so bothered about cleaning, and only do the basics, but people think I spend my life on it, just because it's so tidy.

When I'm feeling particularly low, it's amazing how just a bit of housework can lift my mood. You might not like the thought of it, but it's an easy way to feel you've achieved something and the results of the effort you put in are worth the effort. It really doesn't take much longer as well, once you're used to it. For example, when having a wardrobe sort out, it's no harder to put all your hangers in facing the same way around as jumbling them up, but the result is much better and instantly makes you (well, me anyway!) feel calmer.

You could apply that example to any area of your house. It just needs a bit of thought.

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