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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it normal to feel a bit jealous/put out of my SILs pregnancy?

37 replies

talonofthehawk · 03/08/2017 16:48

Please don't roast me to bits.

I feel slightly jealous and put out that my SIL is expecting her 2nd child just two months after our first.
SIL/BIL didn't announce until 4 months.

I feel very silly and guilty. Even a little PFB already.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 03/08/2017 16:52

YABU. It will be lovely for the cousins to be so close in age.

AccrualIntentions · 03/08/2017 16:53

My sister is 10 weeks behind me with her first. It's also my first. She announced early, we waited a while, so I think I only got about 4 weeks of being the one having the first grandchild.

I'm really pleased now, it'll be lovely for my baby to have a cousin so close in age, but I was honestly a bit pissed off when she first told me. I'm sure the feeling will pass for you too, but I think it's natural to feel a little bit jealous.

PurpleDaisies · 03/08/2017 16:54

This would be more understandable if she were pregnant and you weren't but wanted to be.

Just think of the lonely times your kids can have playing together.

PurpleDaisies · 03/08/2017 16:54

Lovely, not lonely!

Original poster
talonofthehawk · 03/08/2017 16:55

SIL/BIL live in another country so very doubtful cousins will be close.

I know IBU and silly. Childish even.
I was just curious had anyone else had similar thoughts and feelings?

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 03/08/2017 16:56

YANBU for how you feel. YWBVU if you were to say / do anything or mention this to your SIL.

Original poster
talonofthehawk · 03/08/2017 16:58

Oh no, I would NEVER mention these feelings to anyone, especially the happy parents. Conversely, I am pleased for them too!

I'm only 24- maybe I'm a bit childish and not as mature as I thought. Feel very guilty.

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 03/08/2017 16:58

My SIL had her 2nd baby just a week after I had my first. I was a bit 'put out' when they announced (they left it quite late too as we'd just announced our pregnancy so there was a good month between announcements) but our kids are now in same class!!

ConstanceCraving · 03/08/2017 16:58

Very precious indeed. Don't let it get to you. Really.

calmanban · 03/08/2017 16:59

my sil and I had ten weeks between our firsts...i was second. the next time we gave birth the same week...YABU it's lovely for them to have cousins the same age.

PurpleTraitor · 03/08/2017 17:02

I don't get it. Why are you put out?

If I think about it, I suppose I did the same thing to my SIL, considering I had my second baby weeks after she had her first baby. It's not a competition - two women of childbearing age have babies shocker? If she was bothered she didn't tell me, not like I could have changed it - I was already 7 weeks pregnant when she told me she was 12 (and I didn't share until 20 weeks, so shoot me?)

AccrualIntentions · 03/08/2017 17:04

talon I'm 33 and still reacted as I did Grin so don't beat yourself up about it.

BannedFromNarnia · 03/08/2017 17:04

YANBU to feel how you feel - but it would be nicer for everyone, including you, if you could jolly yourself out of it.

Babywearinggeek · 03/08/2017 17:05

We've got 4 cousins who are 18 months apart (my LO's are the bookends 😂) and honestly it's lovely. We don't live nearby but it's so lovely seeing them do stuff at a similar time and the SIL's get to chatter and bond over the ups and downs of little babies as it's happening. And when we do get chance to get together it's so much fun! There's the odd bit of jealousy here and there (mostly over grandparents affections) but I think that's just family!

Original poster
talonofthehawk · 03/08/2017 17:06

Yes, I will jolly myself out of it!

I just to express how I felt. Thank you all.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 03/08/2017 17:06

Why are you put out and jealous? Do you think it will take attention away from you and your baby?

Having a child isn't about being rhe centre of attention and your child will still be special to everyone.

Christinedonna · 03/08/2017 17:09

My sister had her daughter 6 months after I had mine. I completely get what you're saying. I went from having the baby to my DD getting next to no attention. At family get togethers everyone wants to cuddle/talk to/okay with my sisters baby and my daughter barely gets acknowledged

LaurieMarlow · 03/08/2017 17:12

I honestly don't get why you'd be upset by this. Reading the title, I thought you were going to be struggling with infertility.

It will be brilliant for your kids to be so close in age. You'll have someone to hang out with on mat leave (if you get on). What's not to like?

Chattymummyhere · 03/08/2017 17:15

At lest you don't live near each other. I'm expected to be wanting to be involved in every aspect of sils pregnancy that feels like the worlds longest pregnancy in history. When frankly I don't care I tolerate other people's kids I have no interest in wanting to know how her mw appointment went or helping narrow down names and the fact I'm expected to be happy that she wants to be round mine all day every bloody day once she's dropped it while the men folk are at work. Wine

Bluntness100 · 03/08/2017 17:15

At family get togethers everyone wants to cuddle/talk to/okay with my sisters baby and my daughter barely gets acknowledged

That's a very strange dynamic for family to ignore a child like that, especially that young. Shock

PurpleTraitor · 03/08/2017 17:16

Well, to put it the other way round, my SIL rang me up to tell me she was pregnant and put my reaction on speakerphone the day after I went to the hospital for the results of my previous baby's post-mortem. We needed to find out if our children had a genetic condition that would affect future babies as well. She didn't ask about that (nor did the PILs who I was on speakerphone to)

I offered congratulations, I didn't mention my appointment, and i didn't mention that I was also pregnant, because Her pregnancy was nothing to do with my pregnancy.

MoosicalDaisy · 03/08/2017 17:17

Yeah struggle with infertility first then make that comment

dottymay · 03/08/2017 17:21

My sister is 8 weeks behind me and in the midst of hormones and baby reading I got incredably jealous, felt like she had stolen my thunder.

A few days after that I gave myself a slap tho she has had a miscarriage last year and it's so lucky they are having a baby, I'm happy and realised that family seem to have an unlimited supply of love for babies and children so I got over it.

Totally get what you mean tho xxx

AccrualIntentions · 03/08/2017 17:21

Are we allowed to still feel jealous if we've struggled with infertility? Because I did.

Frazzledmum123 · 03/08/2017 17:23

I get it. I was over the moon for my sister, genuinely, so excited about becoming an aunt and loved the thought of our two being close in age. But I was also a bit jealous she was sharing my lime light and especially so when she had the baby and my 6 month old was 'old news' lol. But my first emotion was the right one, it is lovely now, she was entitled to a big fuss when hers was born too. What I'm trying to say is you aren't the only one and are obviously sensible enough to know you are being a bit unreasonable so don't worry, it will pass xx

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