Yes, I am, I suspect I need your help not to be.

[serendippity]

I'm posting here because I need a kick up the butt only AIBU can give

I'm due to fly 10.5 hours to what I know will be an amazing holiday in a few weeks. It's the first time I will have been on a plane in almost 10 years and I am terrified.
I am having enormous trouble not focusing on terrorism, engine failure or terrible turbulence (and that's before the more normal worries of painful ears and bored dc, one of which has never flown before)
Anyway, I am being U as I am beginning to be so nervous of all the above things, I am forgetting to be excited about the holiday! I'm also worrying that it's going to take the shine off the first family holiday we've had, because then I have to get back on the plane to get back.

I absolutely need to get a grip before I freak both DC out on the plane, so please tell me I am being U and that the things I am worried about are few and far between and unlikely to happen. I have tried telling myself since we booked it (only a short while ago, last minute thing, otherwise I may have started therapy!) but it isn't working so far, I need the voices of reason!

Here it is

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2985884-To-be-afraid-of-flying

Statistically it is far more dangerous being in one's kitchen, doing DIY or crossing the road - which you do more frequently.

You should ask your GP for a sleeping tablet so you don't have to spend ALL the flight anxious. Also

Backinthebox is the pilot and gives amazing info and advice

It is a dreamliner, I'm really pleased to hear good things about them, sloth and kittens
I'm going to try the water on the tray idea katsu I guess you often feel the plane is bumpier or tilting more than it really is?

terrible turbulence
It's normal to feel a few bumps. Proper turbulence is rare. Planes are exceptionally strong and the wings are designed to withstand extreme forces. They will not wobble so much that they crack and break off. Planes can be struck by lightning and barely register it. Pilots are well-trained in avoiding turbulence (they know what cloud formations to avoid and so on) because it's annoying for them and not ideal for people to be bumping themselves on stuff. They don't avoid it because it's dangerous for the plane. Think of how you feel when you're in a car and it hits a divot or bump - no problem at all, sometimes even good fun when you feel that swooping tummy thing. One tip someone told me was to look at the surface of your drink; you get a really good feel for how much the plane is actually moving (very little). Most of the bumps you will feel is actually people walking up and down the floor around you - I find it helpful to put my feet up on the metal feet of the chair in front.

engine failure
Planes can fly on one engine, perfectly happily. They can even take off and land on one engine. Of course, the captain may decide to land somewhere unexpected in order to inspect the plane and guarantee the happiness of the customers. Years ago, my Mum was flying and experienced an engine failure on a two-engine plane about five mins in. The captain (more likely the first officer) said that they were going to reroute back to the departure airport - it was closer. No bother on landing.

I think I read somewhere that the plane flies at a slightly odd angle to balance the loss of thrust on one side - the nose isn't pointed striaght into the direction of travel. It involves complicated geometric diagrams but pilots know their shit. And I guess autopilot is useful here.

Engine failures are safe in terms of structural integrity because the engine is pretty closed to other parts of the plane.

And planes can glide and land on no engines at all. Although gliding has only happened on 30-odd occasions in the last 60 years, so vanishingly rare that you are left with no power. (That's if you ignore the premise that every aircraft more or less glides on landing).

terrorism
Airport security is bang on, especially in developed countries.

I used to work for an airline. Chances are, everything will be fine. The pilots are absolutely convinced of that. (And if they're not, you'll be dead anyway, so nothing to be done there.)

I'm flying in the morning. I've given myself lots of distraction techniques, I'm listening to my Paul Mckenna fear of flying app tonight. I'm feeling very jangly this afternoon. Will plough myself into mindless cleaning this afternoon to take my mind off it. Big drink in the morning when I get there!

Oh, and another who says that the rules of "early drinking" go out of the window preflight. To be fair, I'm a decent flyer these days, but I think I've developed a routine that I know will work for me and I'm to anxious to deviate from it, IYSWIM.

I don't forgo the massive glass or two of Sauv Blanc at the airport, whatever the time. I tried it once and was desperate for the drinks trolley to come round. I find now that I don't need to maintain the comforting mild level of pissedness for the entire flight, and occasionally even have a cup of tea while in the air.

Oh my goodness ouch what a brilliant thread! I should have done a search before panic posting Thank you, backinthebox is an amazing voice of reason.

You are being exceptionally unreasonable, you will be fine on the flight and you will have a fantastic holiday. Have a champagne breakfast and even if you feel afraid act cool and calm and you'll be cool and calm. I'm not scared of flying, but I do have to do uncomfortable things sometimes (like speak publicly at short notice and when unprepared) and I do think that acting like you are on top of it all has the effect of calming you so you are on top of it all.

Have a wonderful trip!

Thank you so much everyone, I'm really genuinely grateful for all you advice.
maidofstars thank you for your very reassuring post, especialy

I find that one drink is perfectly fine for flying at any time of the day. And yes I have been that person in the airport with a pint at 5:30am.

However. One drink only. Once you're flying the pressure does something to me when I drink more and I feel dreadful and get drunk quicker. It's like having a hangover while still drinking the end of the second drink even hours after the first. Dreadful feeling.

So I only ever have one now, that's enough, and it is quite nice.

OP, the other thing you might try is downloading either a white noise or relaxation/meditation app to try to distract yourself? Awkward with the kids I guess though.

OP does it help to know that the chance of dying on a plane due to crash/terrorism etc is 1:11million? The same odds for a car are 1:5,000!!!

Oh quick question! has anyone used "earplanes"? do they really work? I've seen them on Amazon and wondering about buying them for the kids, but they the seem expensive as they aren't reusable.

I read that when a plane hits turbulence it's like a car going over cobblestones.

Good luck!

wow, deralictwreck I had no idea about those stats, yes they do help, thank you!
narnia I have heard about the cabin pressure not being great when you've had a drink, I'll be careful.

I've used them and they do work. I think they can be reused a few times (?). They are a little uncomfortable though. Buy the children's ones for children. I've found I only need them in older planes. I've nearly been sick from ear-pain before, but not for over 15 years - the new planes seem much better (although I still have to blow my nose unsociably loud sometimes).

thesnowfairy the thread that lego linked to had a description of the plane being "like a boat riding the waves" in turbulence. Both your analogy and that one, has really helped, it's made the plane a bit more friendly if that makes sense!

Bach Flowers Mimulus is great for fear of flying. Take five drops in a glass of water every morning and evening for two weeks before you fly, If the fear of flying is taking over, before this, you can take it for four weeks or two weeks on, two weeks off. Then take five drops as you leave for the airport, again as you go through passport control and again as you prepare to board, if you feel the need. Also during the flight, you can have it in water to sip as you need it. This has helped a number of my friends overcome their nervousness. Quite simply doing something to take control has a hugely positive effect even if you don't believe the energy of the plants can help you. You don't need to believe for it to work.

I only drink when I fly! But odd to have one at 5am but then Gatwick is busier at this time then in the evenings!

OP nervous flyer here only done 2 long hauls since I made myself brave getting on a plane again after years letting my fears take over and I can say that both times I found it easier then shorter flights I think mainly because the cabin is so big you don't feel as much the sensations of being on a plane.

Going on a short haul in 2 weeks and on my 3rd long haul in October. It won't be as bad as you fear!

Fantastic sparticus it's a new plane, so we should be ok, I may get one pair each for the DD and DS and they might not need them for the way back.

Maybe look into doing one of those Fear of Flying courses beforehand? That way you'll get some practice on a short flight first.

Do you have time for a quick hypnotherapy session this afternoon? It was the only thing that worked for my DB. He tried alcohol and even valium but nothing worked.

He has a session just before he flies each trip and it works brilliantly.

Have a lovely time.

I thought about fear of flying therapy Ceto but I don't think I have time, we're going pretty soon.
Happypoobum I tried hypnotherapy once (different thing) but it didn't help, I may have time to look into a session for this though. Thank you.
anotherday I'm going to look into the bach remedy, health food shop?