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AIBU?

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Original poster

DD contacted Childline

72 replies

ReallyShitUsername · 03/08/2017 11:29

Apologies, this is a new account as I forgot the email address and password for my old one.

DH and I are having a disagreement. On our landline phone, it's showing in the history that a call to Childline was made about 2 weeks ago, after we'd gone to bed. It certainly wasn't us, so it must have been DD (15)
DH wants to go and talk to DD and ask why she phoned, and demand that she talk to him. Personally, I think that if DD wanted to talk to us she would have, and it's great that she had the initiative to ask for help even though not from us.

Who's BU? Do you think we need to talk to DD?

OP posts:
Original poster
ReallyShitUsername · 03/08/2017 11:43

DH was looking through the phone log to see if I'd called someone we'd been meaning to call (I wasn't around) and he saw the number and looked it up

OP posts:
TheZeppo · 03/08/2017 11:43

I have volunteered for ChildLine in the past. Please don't let him 'confront' her (that's how it sounds, apologies if I'm wrong).

ChildLine is a safe space for her to talk. She will come to you when she is ready, but you run the risk of cutting her off from that support if you do this.

She's talking. That's a real positive sign. Children, like all of us, sometimes find it really hard to open up to people c

TheZeppo · 03/08/2017 11:43

...close to them. Try not to take it personally

gamerchick · 03/08/2017 11:45

What kind of person checks the call history on their landline?

What kind of person thinks the appropriate course of action when discovering someone has called a helpline is to demand an explanation?

Answer: someone with control issues.

And probably the reason the call was made if you join the dots a bit.

Does he check the call logs a lot?

MaisyPops · 03/08/2017 11:45

Ah right as in the call history on the individual phone handset, I thought it meant on a call record.

Must admit it's odd to be checking the call history on a phone. I'd also not be terribly pleased about DH's idea of demanding she speaks to him.

I'd sit back and see if there's any other change in her behaviour. Maybe in September call school and say you're worried and wanted them to be aware in case anything comes up at school.

AlpacaPicnic · 03/08/2017 11:45

Moving What kind of person checks the call history on their landline?

Someone who needs to return a call to someone and knows it will show up on their history, then spots a call to an unfamiliar number made late at night and wonders about it?

I agree that OPs daughter should not be confronted, but the very action of discovering the phone call has been made is not in itself suspicious.

Pouncival · 03/08/2017 11:46

What kind of person checks the call history on their landline?

I do this if I'm tracking back when I have called someone - I'm no control freak

OP, I think you should talk to your daughter, but I think you should go gently. Demanding an explanation will probably make her clam up. Is it possible she was calling on behalf of a friend?

gamerchick · 03/08/2017 11:46

DH was looking through the phone log to see if I'd called someone we'd been meaning to call (I wasn't around) and he saw the number and looked it up

He didn't ask you? Confused

Salmotrutta · 03/08/2017 11:46

I honestly wouldn't go in asking questions about her calling Childline!

That will possibly result in her clamming up and saying nothing.

I would do as others suggest - think back to anything that might have happened a couple of weeks and then think about having a "casual" conversation where you can maybe obliquely ask how things are going etc.
If that fails then maybe think about asking "Is there anthying bothering you just now?" in a more direct way.

Has her general demeanour changed at all lately?

OddestSock · 03/08/2017 11:46

I called childline when I was a similar age. I would have been pretty upset if my parents had found out & asked me about it.

Notevilstepmother · 03/08/2017 11:47

I think it's good that he is concerned but ultimately it's none of his business. I do think it's odd he is going through the call history, does he usually spy on you?

Most of the calls to childline are about school worries, maybe she was just a bit stressed about going into year 11? Maybe she is worried about a friend and wanted advice.

I think storming in and demanding to know why she called what is supposed to be a confidential helpline is totally the wrong thing to do. I'd find an unrelated way if asking her is everything is ok and reminding her you love and are here for her and leave it at that.

acornsandnuts · 03/08/2017 11:47

No I wouldn't confront her. Childline is a safe place that gives good advice and I'd hope that she has taken the advice whatever her problem is.

I would be more aware of her movements and lifestyle for a while and maybe phone her pastoral care at school just to check of any issues.

But at 15 no, I wouldn't confront her. Trust on both sides is massive at that age.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 03/08/2017 11:48

Pouncival and AlpacaPicnic you need to read the whole post. Means something a bit different then :)

Genghi · 03/08/2017 11:48

Childline is a safe space. I used to use it all the time just to vent.

Original poster
ReallyShitUsername · 03/08/2017 11:49

She's been acting completely normal lately, no issues there.
I might have a chat to her later but I won't mention Childline, I'll just generally see if anything seems to be bothering her.

OP posts:
Pouncival · 03/08/2017 11:51

I did read the whole post. Checking the call history is not sinister. However, I agree with PPs that I don't like the part about "demanding an explanation"

rightsofwomen · 03/08/2017 11:52

Please don't mention childline to her. Please.
You should be chatting to your child anyway, but I guess things can drift.

I often call Samaritans. It would not be at all helpful if someone I had not shared that info with asked me about it. I would withdraw into myself.

I'm wondering why she didn't use her mobile phone though (presuming she has one).

Passmethecrisps · 03/08/2017 11:52

It could have been about anything and she is entitled to seek whatever support she feels best. Your DH's response of demanding she talk is probably highly indicative of why she didn't seek him out in the first place.

I am in a role where teenagers choose to talk to me about issues and concerns. I cannot tell you how many don't want to share with their parents. Sometimes it is just a natural wish for privacy. Others it is fear they won't be taken seriously or parent will go off the deep end.

If you want to know what is going on in her world give her avenues to tell you in her own time. Be around and open to her. Think carefully about her demeanour and mood but don't hound her.

She might never tell you but that is ok.

wowbutter · 03/08/2017 11:52

Please don't confront her. Childline is a safe place she can talk, don't take that away from her.
Be there for her, comfort her, but don't tell her you know.

Original poster
ReallyShitUsername · 03/08/2017 11:53

Apparently the call was around 25 minutes long, it tells us

OP posts:
BattyBagshot · 03/08/2017 11:53

I'd tell her casually that your phone history records what numbers calls are made to - so she can call again if she needs to from another phone without her dad finding out - because he's bound to start checking the history now given he wants to confront her.

BoneyBackJefferson · 03/08/2017 11:53

Got to say that I would be slightly concerned about someone that goes through the call history on a phone.

Is "demand" your word or his?

Childline can be rung for many reasons, not just abuse.
it could be bullying, homework, exams and many more.

IMO you don't need to do much more than "we are here for you if you want to talk"

Miserylovescompany2 · 03/08/2017 11:55

If she wanted to confide in either yourself or her father she will do so in her own time. Maybe, for whatever reason she needed an impartial person to talk things through.

The advice she sort might not even of been for herself?

My advise FWIW would be to just be there and be approachable.

She has also gone to the effort/length of making said phone call when you were both in bed.

Does she have her own phone?

LagunaBubbles · 03/08/2017 11:58

Does your DH "demand" things a lot?

ScaredShipless · 03/08/2017 11:58

I never know my parents mobile numbers by heart and always used to scroll through the call history on the landline to find them to call. It's not weird

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