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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset because of dh's comments?

47 replies

user1495362060 · 02/08/2017 13:05

I have an infant with a suspected cow milk protein allergy whom I am breastfeeding. On the suggestion of a paedeatrician I am on dairy free diet to try and see if it improves her symptoms.
Now we all (me, the paedeatrician and dh) agree it is tricky to know if her symptoms improve because of my diet or just on their own. However in dhs eyes it means I shouldn't try the diet at all. As a result he keeps asking me every day if I am finished with the diet and am eating dairy again.
Yesterday was especially annoying. My older dd asked for ice cream. While opening the can dh asked me if I am still on "this diet". I said yes, you know I am. After commenting on how it is worthless he proceeded to serve ice cream to himself and dd. He offered no dessert alternative to me.
It is just annoying how disrespectful he is of my efforts to help our infant feel better. Not only does he offer no help with maintaining the diet, he questions its necessity every day. While baiting me with a bowl of ice cream.

OP posts:

whatpardonwhat · 02/08/2017 13:08

Your DH sounds like an arse.

I gave up dairy whilst breastfeeding and it made such a huge difference. Good luck and ignore his childish behaviour.

uokhunni · 02/08/2017 13:10

Ice cream in a can?

RiversrunWoodville · 02/08/2017 13:12

He is an arse and it's quite likely dds symptoms will improve. For future reference Ben and jerrys do lovely dairy free ice cream and give him bugger all!

finnmcool · 02/08/2017 13:14

Why don't you just ask him why he's being so unsupportive (such a dick)
It never ceases to amaze me, the nonsense so many women on here are subjected to by their 'men'

amusedbush · 02/08/2017 13:14

Ice cream in a can?

Is that all you took away from the OP?

Shoxfordian · 02/08/2017 13:15

He does seem really unsupportive

Is he usually this difficult ?

PinkHeart5911 · 02/08/2017 13:17

I'd be annoyed at him to, you are doing the best for your child by following the medical professionals advice to follow the diet.

I believe you can buy dairy free ice cream so do stock up for yourself for future use.

Have you asked him why he is being so unsupportive while your doing the best for your child?

Original poster

user1495362060 · 02/08/2017 13:20

Yes, he can be very stubborn when he has some particular opinion on something. He can be pestering me for weeks on no end.

Of course I don't "put up with it" and told him he is a dick, etc. And he apologized. The problem is, I know it's insincere and that the pestering will continue. Just so fed up with it.

OP posts:

Original poster

user1495362060 · 02/08/2017 13:21

Well not a can. A bucket of ice cream.

OP posts:

YetAnotherSpartacus · 02/08/2017 13:31

He's a dick.

I remember when ice cream came in tins. I think I'm old.

There's lots of good-ish dairy alternatives out there.

I know it is the wrong season, but rice pudding made with almond milk and orange zest is fucking amazing.

LaArdilla · 02/08/2017 13:40

"It never ceases to amaze me, the nonsense so many women on here are subjected to by their 'men'"

This.

Father of the Year, who insults and belittles his wife for trying to improve the life of their child. I hope it makes him feel so much better about his own clearly quite significant failings.

TheFaerieQueene · 02/08/2017 13:44

What difference does it make to him. What a Fuckwit.

BewareOfDragons · 02/08/2017 13:45

He sounds like an unsupportive arse. I can't believe how flip he is being about HIS OWN BABY's own health?!

MargaretTwatyer · 02/08/2017 13:45

Well he's being a bit of an arse about the diet, but I don't know why you expected him to offer an alternative dessert to you. Dessert isn't an essential and you're not a toddler, go and get yourself a piece of fruit if you're that bothered.

Genghi · 02/08/2017 13:49

If the doctor has given you an alternative that does work, and your dh is referring to that, then yabu.

My sil was given two alternatives with my nephew - continue breastfeeding on a dairy free diet and hope the dairy allergy sorts itself out, or put him on milk-free formula and sort it out when he's older by slowly reintroducing milk into his diet. She chose the latter and actually it worked out far better - because his reflux was so bad he would have needed surgery if not.

Ceto · 02/08/2017 13:49

Ask him precisely why he's so keen on not doing anything to help his child.

Notevilstepmother · 02/08/2017 13:50

How mean of him.

Have you tried getting the grandmothers to have words with him

In the meanwhile www.waitrose.com/shop/Browse/Groceries/Frozen/Ice_Cream_Frozen_Yogurt_and_Sorbets/Dairy_Free

www.sainsburys.co.uk/shop/gb/groceries/food-cupboard/ice-cream---desserts#langId=44&storeId=10151&catalogId=10123&categoryId=272768&parent_category_rn=12422&top_category=12422&pageSize=36&orderBy=FAVOURITES_FIRST&searchTerm=&beginIndex=0

GwenStaceyRocks · 02/08/2017 13:56

He is an unsupportive arse. Next time you have an appointment with the doctor ask the doctor to explain to your DH how long you will be trying this diet. Explain your DH seems to be struggling with the concept. I have a funny feeling that in public, he may suddenly grasp its importance and duration.
As for baiting you with ice cream - you can't expect everyone in the family to forgo dairy because you're on a restricted diet. You also don't need the offer of an alternative dessert. Complaining about those points will detract from your genuine issue with his attitude.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 02/08/2017 13:57

Yanbu.

Is he resistant to the idea of restricting your diet because he just wants you to share all the normal foodstuffs (and might end up taking charge of his and DD's meals for now), or, because DD didn't suffer in the same way as her baby sibling, he thinks the whole cow milk protein allergy theory is bogus?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/08/2017 14:03

YANBU - he's an utter tit.
Not only because he's being unsupportive, but because he's actively resisting the advice, because somehow it inconveniences him.
He's less bothered about your DD's welfare than about his convenience, and that shows him up for the tit he is.

SpartacusSaiman · 02/08/2017 14:05

I was totally with you until you said he offered you no alternative.

I have a milk allergy. If dh and the kids were grabbing some ice cream out of the fridge i would not expect any of them to offer/provide an alternative. I would say 'can you grab me xyz' .

KittyandTeal · 02/08/2017 14:06

As others have sai, your husband is being a dick.

However, I had a cmpi dd. I gave up dairy for a full year and it made a massive difference to her (I celebrated a year with prosecco and a massive cheesy pizza with ice cream for desert) I breathed her to 18 months but she didn't seem o have a problem after about a year

Butterymuffin · 02/08/2017 14:06

Idiot. Answer all future remarks with 'not this again? Yes, I'm still doing it and yes, I'd love a cup of tea, thanks, to make up for the fact I'm not having what you're having'. That may put him off.

NanooCov · 02/08/2017 14:07

He sounds like an arse. What difference does it make to him if you choose to stop eating dairy other than the potential benefit it will have for your child? Or is he worried he'll have to cook for himself?

inchyrablue · 02/08/2017 14:14

^^ As PP have said, your DH is being an arse. However, there is no need to go without ice cream! Even our tiny Tesco metro sells really good dairy free ice cream. The DC even preferred it to 'normal' stuff when they were little, because it is slightly softer. Utterly delicious though.

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