not to feel even slightly guilty

[bakedpotato]

about ripping a hole in a stranger's nasty jacket -- if anything, getting a bit of a kick out of it?

I got on a very full bus with 2 DCs this pm. Most people moved aside, with varying degrees of grace, to let me get the buggy down the aisle. Not one lady. She left her bag in the way so I thought, sod you, madam, and rammed the buggy into it, and past it like a Sherman tank and as we went by, I heard this satisfying rriiiiiippppp and realised somehow her apparel had snagged the buggy. She kept looking from me to the tear, daggers, but I was too busy discussing spring blossom with DD to notice.

I am not wrong, am I?

Coat was spilling/billowing out into the aisle. What with that and the bag, there wasn't much room to sqeeeeze past

I am entertained that bakedpotato's ethical position is that it's OK to do it to a bloke, just as long as she does it at a time when she confident he won't do anything about it.
Do you really see that as ethically different ?

She also doesn't say how she knew for a fact that the woman wasn't disabled or otherwise unable to move her bag quickly ?

Evaluating disability when you're a doctor examining a patient isn't foolproof; is she really saying that whilst navigating a buggy she can spot it on sight.

If so, she's wasting a major talent...

Any act to the detriment of others, must take into account your ability to judge them correctly, else it's just being a thug who gets away with it.

I know ripping a coat is wrong blah blah blah but this did make me snigger

By tiredemma on Tue 27-Mar-07 22:05:19
was it a 'bomber' jacket?

I hate those

I got bored part way through this thread... Did you ask her to move out of the way at all or not?

Hm...speed reading the thread, I assume you didn't ask her politely to let you past, and teherefore you weere defiantely unreasonable...I mean, I am pretty sure on PT a lot of people just switch off and may not notice something they otherwise would have...I know, that unless I got Kids with my I sort of possibly dose off or something...doesn't make me an ignorant person, I would say.
So, I think you were wrong to damage someone elses property and feel good about it!
And yes, what sort of example are you setting your Kids!
I can understand that you were annoyed at the time, but it's not an excuse!

No, Dominic, that is not BP's ethical position, it is her practical one: her ethical position is that it's OK to behave like that to a bloke, her practical point is that it might incur some physical risk.

And can I point out, yet again, that all BP is saying is that she doesn't feel guilty - she is not in fact saying she's particularly proud of it, just that she can't be @rsed to be guilty.

well, in the op she states that she was getting a bit of a kick out of it....in what category does that fall then, if not in the almost proud one...

Did I ask? Not verbally, but I gave her a quick 'could you possibly...?' sort of look as I approached (no white stick).
You will remember I am with 2 children and shopping, behind a buggy, in a queue of people trying to get down the aisle of a packed, noisy bus. It's not easy to exchange pleasantries in these circs -- ideal though that might have been.
I'm not proud of it after all I didn't mean to rip her coat but I was amused by what happened.

As get older it gets harder to hear and to move quickly. So she may well not have heard. Also you don't know how she might have felt that day. She could be on her way to have cancer treatment at hospital etc so yes you were wrong.

But when you're on a crowded bus and there are people trying to get down the aisle, surely obvious enough that you need to move your bag, even without being asked?
Even when I am completely zoned out on public transport I don't leave my bags in the aisle.

What shade of green was it?

I'm envisaging acid lime green....

I do think bakedpotato should exercise more care though. If I had been the owner of the puffy jacket (unlikely on 3 levels - I don't do puffy jackets, I don't do buses, and I would have probably anticipated and moved out of the way...but go with this a minute), it's quite possible I could have had a red mist moment and walloped bakedpotato.

I have been struggling to contain my propensity to violence when under provocation (quite well actually since I've had children I am thankful to say) most of my life, but my composure might have involuntarily fractured in this instance. Beware Bakedpotato - there are similar nutters to me out there who if you cross them would give you a good hiding irrespective of who is watching (because people who have issues with their anger strike out unthinkingly ..it's not always a very aware and conscious act..and they only regret it later)

Wow I sound a bit scary there. I hasten to add I am quite well controlled now before everyone raises a nutter alert and runs for the hills

Is that why you are called Handlemecarefully Handlemecarefully?

In a word 'yes'. I used to be like a primed explosive device - ready to go off. I'm quite mellow now, but it has taken a lot of work.

Well, seeing as you couldn't be ar$ed to ask her politely to move and just barged your way past then yes, you are both unreasonable not to feel guilty and unbelievably rude. In fact, I think you are unreasonable and rude even if you had asked TBH, there's no excuse for barging past and then thinking it amusing that you've damaged someone's property whilst doing so.

Interesting point HMC. I can't bear this idea that if you live in a city or anywhere actually you have to tread carefully bcs of nutters. I resent this notion that everyone is scary out there. Most strangers I meet are nice and helpful.

er, but BP - don't you think that by ramming your way past someone you were actually being one of those people? Or at least contributing to that atmosphere?

baker!

I'm nice and helpful too Bakedpotato - but if someone crosses me I do - or rather did have red mist moments. I don't think you have to be certifiably mad to be a bit ...volatile. The same person who holds the door open for you, says "No after you" might also be someone who reacts quite disproportionately if you have a run in with them...

Just saying you need to be careful - not just in a city, anywhere really. Best to avoid potential conflict situations rather than fan the flames (and that isn't the same as being an unassertive push over)

but I did my best, in the circs, you know. I didn't swear at her, I didn't beat her to a bloody pulp for her lack of common feeling. Instead, I just squashed a corner of her bag and, oh dear, without my noticing it, a corner of her coat hooked itself onto my buggy and there was a rrrriiiiiippppping noise

you and my dh can get together

Will let it drop now - but Bakedp, you could have said quite pleasantly but firmly something like "Excuse me, but please can I get past?"

Why didn't you?

i think you were being unreasonable but i can see the reasoning behind it

i once gruffly told a group of teenage girls from my old high school to move out the buggy space so i could put the buggy in (after asking nicely once) then when they started to huff and grunt i said very quietly 'dont even think about whinging, i was at your school a year ago and would have no problems in beating some manners into you'

ok not very lady like but was having a very bad day!!