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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how much your OH earns if you are a stay at home parent?

258 replies

LittleLeif · 02/08/2017 09:09

Or how much did you have in savings?
This is very very nosey of me but I am trying to figure out if it is viable for me to ever stay at home with my baby. Unfortunately I have to go back to work full time but am hoping to maybe take a career break when she is a two or three.
We are both in jobs where you get opportunities for annually or bi-annually pay rises that can be quite substantial so I'm interested to see if he will be earning enough to support us for a year by then.
TIA

OP posts:
Genghi · 02/08/2017 20:32

@shesaidthat - the fact that you are able to live in a nice part of london on a combined income of 200k and still be able to privately educate your kids (and I presume own your own home), suggests you could quite easily manage without your salary. You would just need to give up the extras.

Summergarden · 02/08/2017 20:35

DH earns 75k. Until recently I've worked PT bringing home £800 per month after childcare, but I've resigned from my job to be a SAHM. We have 3 DCs age 5 and under.

I have no doubt that we will more than get by on his salary, and think it's a pretty high one, despite some thinking otherwise. I know we will be more than fine as we have saved and invested my whole salary (plus any leftover money) since I returned to work 5 years ago, Despite dipping into it when necessary for new car furniture etc and as a result have over £60k in S&S ISAs only saved in last 5 years.

It's courses for horses, but we are more than happy with our standard of living. Live in a 4 bed detached house (mortgage £1200 pcm) in catchment of good schools, 2 cars, kids do any activities they want. Holiday budget is £3k per year. We don't go mad on kids birthdays and Christmas though, still do presents but don't spent the amounts that some do, and not fans of private education so not allocating funds for that.

LBOCS2 · 02/08/2017 20:35

DH earns between £60-70k, depending on bonus. We live in London, but z5. We own, which means we pay significantly less on housing than anyone renting. We don't feel badly off - our household costs about £1500 to run a month, so the rest of the money is saving/frittering money. We go on holiday 2/3 times a year, our DC do two activities each, we run a (big) car, we don't feel strapped for cash.

If I were working our childcare bill would be over £2k a month. My salary would more than cover it but for the sake of cutting back a bit, it's not worth it.

Owllady · 02/08/2017 20:36

350k but the we have a full time nanny, a housekeeper and a gardener to pay as well.
I couldn't really cope with working on top of the gym and my charity work tbh

WittgensteinsBunny · 02/08/2017 20:37

I'm a SAHM to 2 pre-schoolers, DD is starting school in Sept. DH earns £60k / £42.5k net and sometimes gets a bonus; I have dividend income which varies from year to year quite wildly - could be £20k could be £60k! We live in the SE in an affluent area. I've experienced snobbishness that we're in a small house but I've got lots of friends and let it wash over me. We're nearly mortgage free and like the freedom living in a small house affords us in other ways. Plus we're debt free and have savings. We holiday in the UK, run an old car but otherwise have a lovely lifestyle and focus on things like eating really well and not worrying about going out / treating the DDs. However, this is a very different situation to when I left my job (£42k gross incl bonuses) after maternity leave because I really didn't want to go back and didn't feel I could find a childcare solution that worked for us. DH was freelance and on about £30k then. We managed, we probably built up a bit too much on credit cards and had less nice things but actually it was fine. Is there anyway you could downsize or economise so that you could go part-time / both go part-time? I have lots of friends who each work 4 days a week but are pretty much doing a 5 day week in 4 days? This seems to work well for sanity / time with children / equality and financial stability? It's what we had originally planned to do before I had a big wobble and DH couldn't work a 4 day week by the end of my mat leave. Good luck!

gillybeanz · 02/08/2017 20:43

owllady

This may sound common, but do you spend a lot on luxuries.
I can't begin to imagine the lifestyle that sort of money buys.
Good on you and best wishes, not envious at all Grin

SouthChinaMorningPost · 02/08/2017 20:43

I think the issue is pensions and savings. Some on £100k will be sticking all spare cash away and have a modest income. Others wont be able to even think about saving to keep going. from the outside tey might not look all that different n terms of lifestyle etc.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 02/08/2017 20:44

MelvinThePenguin - I know! I increasingly realise via MN that mine and DH's desire to plan money and life related things is not automatic for a lot of people.

Actually also read the thread about "wage bragging" and realised that a lot of people have an idea of what sort of lifestyle a certain wage level should give, and really can't get their heads round different things costing different amounts in different parts of the country. A £40k household income lifestyle in London is very different to how you will be living in Sheffield on £40k.

It doesnt' really matter how much my DH was earning at the point I became a SAHM (he's moved jobs since), what matters is that DH could cover the bills, food and a little left over for treats on his wage and childcare for 2 DCs plus the rail card would be more than I earned anyway so we'd be living off roughly the same amount if I worked or not

shouldaknownbetter · 02/08/2017 20:44

My partner is a SAHD and i earn 40k give or take... things would be very tight but luckily we also rent out a property in an expensive area of the country which provides an extra income.

Witsender · 02/08/2017 20:44

I think her tongue was firmly in her cheek.

Christinayangstwistedsista · 02/08/2017 20:45

Dh clears around £16,000 pcm. We live in Scotland and mortgage is paid off

I was SAHP for six years but have recently went back two days per week as I really missed it

NipInTheAir · 02/08/2017 20:46

We lived in London when the DC were small. I had to give up work because dd was poorly. Our mortgage was £110k. That first year I think about £70k of fees came in. It sounds ridiculous but at the time, with higher interest rates it was brass tacks for a couple of years. We had the option of selling and moving ten miles out though. Still felt skint.

Apologies.

Original poster
LittleLeif · 02/08/2017 20:46

Hi all. We have worked out our own calculations. Not looking good unfortunately. At the moment DD is with my mum three days a week so I only have to pay for nursery two days. So while it is a moderate amount of money it doesn't make as much different as it does to some.

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleLeif · 02/08/2017 20:48

Also starting to wish I persuaded a different career with more flexibility (and a bigger wage Grin)

OP posts:
EggysMom · 02/08/2017 20:50

AIBU to ask how much your OH earns if you are a stay at home parent?

No, but yabu to assume that it is the SAH parent that posts on here and not the working parent Grin

I earn £27k gross. DH is SAHD. We do have additional income in the form of DLA & CTC for our son, but then again, we have additional expenditure too because of his needs.

It's not a choice for him to stay home, rather than not work. It's necessity - childcare for a severely autistic child is virtually impossible to find and prohibitively expensive. So the level of income is irrelevant to our decision.

NipInTheAir · 02/08/2017 20:53

owllady do you ever worry that your DH might get bored? Sorry seen it many times now. Successful husband, worthy fit wife. Husband finds more stimulation with a woman who talks beyond gym, charities, lunches, school and children. 20 years on sadly those women are virtually unemployable when shit happens.

arghhelpme · 02/08/2017 20:55

18 -20k a year. 4 kids, no child maintenance from eldest dc father. No savings. We get child tax credits which help. I'd love to go back to work but youngest are twins and aren't at school yet so childcare would be more than my earnings. We really struggle each month.

Original poster
LittleLeif · 02/08/2017 20:55

@JaxHog
*Surely, whether you can stay at home is a decision you would make together? It isn't just your decision to make!

Although, as a couple, you should be discussing this anyway. How can you make major decisions otherwise?*
I never said I was making the decision. We would both like me to stay at home but we can't afford me to and wondered if it was a possiblity

OP posts:
Owllady · 02/08/2017 20:57

Snigger :o
I was having you on. I've never stepped in a gym in my life, oh the stench. We have a spa built in a wing of our main house.
I don't care if my husband is bored Wink

Gettheleather · 02/08/2017 20:57

20K no tax credits. Cheap area, cheap rent. We are pretty comfortable.

gillybeanz · 02/08/2017 21:02

Why on earth would any man be bored with a wife who isn't knackered all the time and who has time to spend with him.
The men I know who had affairs stated it was because with work and children their wife had no time for their relationship.
I suppose it wrks the other way if the sahm has no life beyond gym and kids, but that would be a boring life for the woman no doubt.
I think a sahm does the same as a wohm but has more free time and less stress probably.

Christinayangstwistedsista · 02/08/2017 21:03

I think I need some money management tips on from folk on here

MelvinThePenguin · 02/08/2017 21:04

OP, if you were thinking of a career break anyway, how about a PT job in a different field of work for a while? I'm assuming your previous comments about lack of flexibility mean your current job wouldn't allow this.

Christinayangstwistedsista · 02/08/2017 21:08

I went back to work for me, my salary is rubbish as its only two days per week

We don't need the money but as DS got older I wanted something for me again

Original poster
LittleLeif · 02/08/2017 21:09

^Melvin
Good idea. I will look into that. I love my job. I just wish it was a bit more flexible. I'm a teacher so I was thinking about becoming a teacher. That would mean no work after work and finishing at three Grin.

OP posts: