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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to work with this guy who gives me the creeps

45 replies

blubberball · 02/08/2017 07:28

I work in a job where we usually work alone, but this guy was supposed to be coming with me to the middle of no where today, and we would most likely be just the 2 of us. I've told my supervisor that I refuse to let that guy come with me, and I'd rather go on my own, even though that might make the job slightly more difficult. He sets off alarm bells with me, has made disgusting comments in the past, makes me really uncomfortable and just gives me the creeps. Just waiting to see what the backlash will be now that I've spoken up.

OP posts:
Tamatoa · 02/08/2017 07:31

Never let social niceties stop your gut instincts keeping you safe. You did the right thing.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 02/08/2017 07:31

It depends what you've said. Eg "I'm not working with creepy Fred" - that isn't going to wash I'm afraid. But a formal complaint the Fred makes in appropriate remarks is a whole different ball game.

I'm not sure 'giving someone the creeps' is covered in employment legislation. But I wait to be corrected.

DonaldStott · 02/08/2017 07:33

If he has made offensive comments, then you need to put in a formal complaint. Basically put up or shut up in this case I'm afraid.

Original poster
blubberball · 02/08/2017 07:47

Just to give you the picture, he reminds me of Jimmy Saville. A bit of a character. People say Oh he's alright, that's just his way. He doesn't really mean that. Yeah, but he said that a long time ago. Etc etc. I find this excuses a lot of shitty behaviour. I will report him if and when I can name places, times and dates. It's all too vague at the moment. I tend to avoid him. If he enters the room, I walk out.

OP posts:
ButchyRestingFace · 02/08/2017 07:51

I will report him if and when I can name places, times and dates

You are going to have to start getting a lot less vague.

What did your supervisor say? Be careful you don't end up being disciplined for refusing to work with a colleague.

Butterandsugar · 02/08/2017 07:53

I think you need to remain professional here. Absolutely complain and refuse to work with him where you have a specific grievance (i.e Creepy Fred said "X" on date Y) but refusing to work with him on the sole grounds that he's creepy isn't a particularly strong position and doesn't empower your employer to deal with any bad behavior

Original poster
blubberball · 02/08/2017 08:23

Some examples off the top of my head here:

He said to my father "I like your daughter. I like your daughter a lot." If you can imagine Jimmy Saville saying that, may be with a wink. My father is an older, sweet, gentle guy. Creep knows this, and said it to make him uncomfortable.

A woman was talking about how she'd lost some weight, and her trousers had loosened up at the waist now. Creep said "So now you can have a nice rub." accompanied by a mime. She rolled her eyes and ignored him.

Someone was asking for directions, and it went past a school. Creep said "Make sure you get a good look up the girl's skirts when they're walking up the steps."

OP posts:
OnionKnight · 02/08/2017 08:25

You need to tell your manager about those remarks.

KatyBerry · 02/08/2017 08:27

Those remarks go in writing with a formal complaint. Your employer has a duty of care to ensure your safety in your workplace

PovertyPain · 02/08/2017 08:31

Why the fuck hasn't this creep been reported?

Original poster
blubberball · 02/08/2017 08:45

I'd need to be more specific with times, places and dates, also with witnesses who didn't bend over backwards to defend him for some reason.

Sorry to drip feed, I'm at work, so I can't write long messages every time.

Also, I am more wary because a man did put his hands on me at work a long time ago. I regret that I didn't report it. I was very young, and in disbelief that it had really happened. We work in confined spaces, and you need to trust the other people. This other creep put his hands in when I was trapped, vulnerable and alone with him. I was in shock. He left years ago.

It's all very blokey bloke bloke here any way. It's like a carry on film here sometimes. If you imagine like a garage with a topless calendar on the wall type atmos.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 02/08/2017 08:49

I would expect your employer to deal appropriately with a specific report but otherwise you lay yourself open to disciplinary action by refusing to work with him.

Booboobooboo84 · 02/08/2017 08:53

Always trust your instincts.

Report everytime he says something inappropriate. Just a simple email to your line manager saying I feel uncomfortable at work Fred has just said this. It offends me because...

I say good on you. I knew someone like that who wanted to volunteer at the children's centre I worked at. He wanted to come on board desperately and wanted to start before his crb came through (which was actually fine then as long as they weren't left alone). He did nothing wrong but every square inch of me screamed no and I stood up to my bosses who were pressuring me to let it happen and accusing me of being intolerant etc. I was only early twenties and I nearly caved it was the first time I'd stood up to people much wiser and older than me. Glad I didn't his crb came back and he had so many offences against vulnerable people we had to call the police and report him for attempting to work with children. Funny how after that everyone also said he was a bit creepy and keen wasn't he

Booboobooboo84 · 02/08/2017 08:55

Just because an atmosphere is blokey doesn't mean it can't be respectful as well x

Original poster
blubberball · 02/08/2017 08:59

I agree booboo. Most people are lovely, there's banter and a laugh, but this guy crosses the lines every time.

OP posts:
Original poster
blubberball · 02/08/2017 09:01

I did report a cleaner who kept following women into the toilet, but everyone was complaining about him. When I put my report in, they'd already had at least 14 others. He no longer works here.

OP posts:
Booboobooboo84 · 02/08/2017 09:08

I think it Is just a change in the time and there are still men that have this antique version of 'banter' but I got faith that they can learn where the line is.

Booboobooboo84 · 02/08/2017 09:08

The fact it needed 14 reports makes me a bit Shock

SchadenfreudePersonified · 02/08/2017 09:22

Always go with your gut.

And it really pisses me off when people say of someone "it's just their way". If their way is rude, offensive, upsetting or threatening, they should bloody well change!

Keep an accurate record from now on - times. dates, location, any witnesses (appreciate that a lot of the time there won't be) and the offending remarks/actions.

This doesn't help you in your current predicament, though. I hope that your boss takes your concerns seriously enough to let you do the job alone as you requested, or send you (or him) with someone else.

The very fact that you are anxious enough to bring this to their attention should tell them that there is something wrong, and that even if you are being over-cautious, his comments are making you, and probably others, very uncomfortable. They need to address this. Are you in a union at all - they may be able to help.

londonrach · 02/08/2017 09:24

There are only two people that made the back of my hair stand up. (One brother of my housemate dont know why i felt afraid of him when i meet him and after that made excuses to be out when visiting. Never ever told housemate. Really strange feeling as until then i never experienced that. The next was a patient who then physically attacked student and i. My gut was right about him). Listen to your gut. Its picking something up.

Pengggwn · 02/08/2017 09:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
blubberball · 02/08/2017 09:59

I am in the union. They're usually pretty useless, but I am in the union. I don't know what's going to happen later, if I will be listened to or not. I'm definitely not going out there alone with him, and I don't care what else happens as a result of that tbh. I don't often stand up for myself or stand my ground, and in the past I would have just accepted it. But, I don't want to be in any situations alone with him, and if that makes me unprofessional then I don't care.

OP posts:
Original poster
blubberball · 02/08/2017 11:41

Well, they're making me go out there with him. My supervisor said sorry about that. The union guy isn't here. I feel a bit sick.

OP posts:
Moussemoose · 02/08/2017 11:47

blubberball if your workplace rep isn't in contact your union's regional office. The phone number will be on the website.

The union should be sensitive to this kind of issue and able to offer advice. Your local rep is a volunteer the regional official is a paid employee of the union and should be a lot more helpful.

TyneTeas · 02/08/2017 11:49

If you usually work alone, why is he meant to be going with you today?

I think that makes it a slightly different scenario about refusing to work with someone where you wouldn't ordinarily be working with anyone.

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