DC tantrums stressing out others

[TryingMyBestt]

NC for this one
Will try and keep this short as not to drip feed

My DD aged 3 is very strong willed. As most little ones she has tempter tantrums. My best solution to deal with a tantrum is to place her on 'the naughty step' and when she's calmed down I have a little talk with her and we have a cuddle and it's all forgotten and she's fine.

My issue however is I'm currently temporarily staying with my parents due to some work being done on my house.

My DF was still in bed while my DD had one of her tantrums this morning and I did as I usually do (baring in mind the house has a converted loft so he was two floors up). He then comes down and shouts at my DD who immediately went quiet because she was scared.
He then comes downstairs banging cupboards and slamming doors while making himself a coffee, complaining to my DM about it while I'm sat in the other room.
I understand that he's going to be really annoyed that he was woken by my DD screaming and I know I probably ABU but I'd just like to know how other people would deal with a situation like this.
How am I supposed to discipline my child if I have to be wary of other people in the house?

Also note DD was on the naughty step for literally a minute, usually I do place her on there for however minutes for however old she is (so usually 3) and I did remove her early because of my sleeping DF, not that it made a difference as the damage had already been done.

Is staying somewhere else an option? Might be best for all involved

How long will you be with your parents for? If it's only a short while, it might be worth changing your discipline strategy temporarily to avoid the screaming. Try a distraction or a bribe if desperate?

Could you take her outside instead of to a naughty step?

Small children can be really grating for older people. You're probably more used to the ruckus but for your Dad it's disruptive.

@lmer I don't have anywhere else to go at the moment. It's not for too long anyway and they're happy to have me and my two DC. Just makes me feel bad when certain situations arise like this one as I don't want to disrespect them because they're helping me out. Just wasn't sure what else I was supposed to do and if there was any other way I could have handled the situation better

Maybe df has done you a favour. Dd will know her strong willed behaviour is not acceptable at his house.
Job done. .

@SilverBirchTree I'm not here for long no and to be honest stuff like this is quite rare, just the timing of her tantrum was really the wrong timing this morning. I have tried bribing her with things but she's very stubborn and when she's on one she's on one!
Taking her outside would be something I'll consider in the future if I find myself in the same predicament and try to distract her, thank you for that advice

@mrscropley that's very true actually, she has been good as gold since

Try explaining to your parents how you discipline and ask them to support you in it. How long are you with them? I lived with my parents with my ds and it was a nightmare. They just didn't understand and just wanted me to shut ds up and not discipline him. Had to go.

I wouldn't take her outside if neighbours have windows open etc and its early. Up to you though. Sometimes i think someone else telling off your child can have a positive impact. She MAY restrain herself a bit now whilst you're there because she'll remember him shouting etc. May not though!

Oh & don't feel bad. Tantrums are normal for her age, you're not doing anything wrong!

@Iloveanimals it makes you feel more stressed yourself doesn't it because you feel under pressure to keep DC quiet. I'm probably looking at a few more weeks here

I agree with mrscropley, actually. Shouting at her isn't ideal but she now understands that she can't just scream unrestrainedly because she's pissed off at being told no.

@Floggingmolly my grandpa shouted at me once and it scared me because he was always quite mellow. Never annoyed him again lol

I think others may be onto something. Children get into a habit about how they react to things and we get into a habit of how we parent.

Someone else getting involved can make the child rethink their strategy and therefore you can try other ways to deal with it!

Kids are clever little buggers! Once they start school they manage not to tantrum there (usually!) although can continue at home.

Maybe she'll manage to keep self control at least whilst your dads asleep?

Agree with MrsS.

*MrsC!

Totally agree with mrscropley - sometimes we need to stop pussy-footing around kids' naughty challenging behaviour.

He shouldn't have blown up at her like that but I do agree with the others and wonder if this will break the cycle. Tantruming is not abnormal in her age, of course, but it sounds like it's learned behaviour and something isn't working.

I do have empathy for you though, the housing situation is probably a bit fraught and stressful for you.

If the df went downstairs banging cupboards and slamming doors as described in the OP, I don't exactly see how he was demonstrating that lack of self control is not acceptable.

You owe your dad a bottle of his favourite whisky

Thanking him for his help, not as an apology

But agree that distracting and taking her out would be the way forward. That's what our parents used to do.

Mrscropley.
She's not going to realise anything. She's a 3 year old child. I suppose yours were saints, were they.

Op you're talking about your df being annoyed about your 3 year old dd throwing a tantrum. Yet he slams cupboards and doors, thus throwing an adult tantrum and he's on about ,a 3 year old baby throwing a wobbler

How early was it?
Could the "naughty step" be somewhere else while you are staying there, maybe outside?

@Awwlookatmybabyspider I get that and it's very childish of him but he's not the kind of person to talk to me about it directly so I guess that was his way of showing how annoyed he was.

All blown over anyway and he's happily playing with DD as I type this.

@SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning it's extremely stressful, I'm here with my two DC while pregnant with my third lol. I love my parents to bits but I can't wait to be back in my own home