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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DC tantrums stressing out others

45 replies

TryingMyBestt · 01/08/2017 10:13

NC for this one
Will try and keep this short as not to drip feed

My DD aged 3 is very strong willed. As most little ones she has tempter tantrums. My best solution to deal with a tantrum is to place her on 'the naughty step' and when she's calmed down I have a little talk with her and we have a cuddle and it's all forgotten and she's fine.

My issue however is I'm currently temporarily staying with my parents due to some work being done on my house.

My DF was still in bed while my DD had one of her tantrums this morning and I did as I usually do (baring in mind the house has a converted loft so he was two floors up). He then comes down and shouts at my DD who immediately went quiet because she was scared.
He then comes downstairs banging cupboards and slamming doors while making himself a coffee, complaining to my DM about it while I'm sat in the other room.
I understand that he's going to be really annoyed that he was woken by my DD screaming and I know I probably ABU but I'd just like to know how other people would deal with a situation like this.
How am I supposed to discipline my child if I have to be wary of other people in the house?

Also note DD was on the naughty step for literally a minute, usually I do place her on there for however minutes for however old she is (so usually 3) and I did remove her early because of my sleeping DF, not that it made a difference as the damage had already been done.

OP posts:
NK493efc93X1277dd3d6d4 · 01/08/2017 14:39

Voice of reason from Mrs C. Far too many "strong willed" children demonstrating their strong willed behaviour repeatedly IMO.

Voiceforreason · 01/08/2017 14:47

Have to agree with Mrs C and NK49.

Winterview · 01/08/2017 15:10

I understand your frustration, but it's his home and I think he has a right to make it clear screaming is unacceptable in his home.

In someone's else house I think you have to adjust your parenting style so as not to cause disturbance to your hosts. You can't really ignore a screaming tantrum the way you would at home.

thethoughtfox · 01/08/2017 15:22

No child psychologist or proper behavioural expert recommends a naughty step or 'time out'. Try reconnecting with her, telling her it's ok to be angry but it's not ok to do x ( whatever it is you don't want her to do) Tell her you understand why she feels x because of x and open your arms for a hug. It's amazing how many times they actually want one even when it seems like they hate you. Offering a cushion to punch or scream into (and doing it yourself) really helps and usually ends up with you both laughing.

Original poster
TryingMyBestt · 01/08/2017 15:26

@thethoughtfox thank you for the advice, I'll remember that one in future and give it a go. After all I'm sure that won't be the last tantrum she ever has lol

OP posts:
Original poster
TryingMyBestt · 01/08/2017 15:29

@Winterview I completely understand that it's his house which is why I feel bad about what happened this morning.
The thing is when she has a tantrum the way she did she's very hard to contain so I just automatically did what I usually do to deal with the tantrum as I find it works really well

OP posts:
Allthewaves · 01/08/2017 15:37

did u put her on the stairs?

Original poster
TryingMyBestt · 01/08/2017 15:45

@Allthewaves there are two sets of stairs as I mentioned earlier the loft is converted. DF was asleep on one of the loft rooms with the door shut and my DD was on the bottom step right at the bottom of the house. Had he been on the middle floor I'd probably have thought better.

OP posts:
Winterview · 01/08/2017 16:10

Is there anywhere else you can take her when she's screaming, instead of the stairs?
The sound will carry up stairs even 2 flights.

Huskylover1 · 01/08/2017 16:14

Naughty step then cuddles?????

See how your Dad got her to behave....try some harder parenting. You are being too soft and she has you right where she wants you.

Children need discipline and consequences.

You are not her friend. You are in charge.

Orangetoffee · 01/08/2017 16:19

I guess when your dad got woken up by screaming that didn't stop right away he would have thought she had hurt herself rather than having a tantrum. He probably was worried and then relieved/annoyed.

Explain how you handle the tantrums and maybe find another place for time out rather than the stairs.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 01/08/2017 16:19

I think you need to take her outside if people are sleeping in the house. I'm not surprised your df was annoyed. You can't stop a child being upset but you can minimise the impact of noise on others early in the morning. Also agree staying with her and helping her calm down rather than putting her somewhere would be better.

WeAllHaveWings · 01/08/2017 16:43

Don't put her on the stairs if your df is sleeping, the noise will travel right up the stairs, find somewhere else with no distractions as far away from anyone sleeping as possible, maybe a corner facing the wall?

We used a quiet place (step or corner) for ds and with consistency it worked well, not as discipline but as a place to calm the fuck down and he was then appropriately disciplined.

Tell her once she is there if she continues to be loud your df will come down and be very cross with her. Actions = consequences.

Original poster
TryingMyBestt · 01/08/2017 16:46

I'll certainly be not using the stairs again while anyone's asleep. Trust me when I say lesson learned. Will find somewhere else in future

OP posts:
RhubardGin · 01/08/2017 16:54

Agree with mrscropley

Your naughty step tactic obviously isn't working as she is continuing to tantrum.

You say she has been good as gold since so maybe a stern telling off is exactly what she needed/needs.

RhubardGin · 01/08/2017 16:56

*Naughty step then cuddles?????

See how your Dad got her to behave....try some harder parenting. You are being too soft and she has you right where she wants you.

Children need discipline and consequences.

You are not her friend. You are in charge*

This completely^

waterrat · 01/08/2017 17:20

Only on mumsnet is a 3 yr old tantrum such appalling behaviour that the OP should immediately move out !

waterrat · 01/08/2017 17:21

God forbid you cuddle a 3 year old...

Allthebestnamesareused · 01/08/2017 17:33

I agree there should be cuddles for 3 year old kids but not after naughty step style punishment.

5foot5 · 01/08/2017 17:35

Only on mumsnet is a 3 yr old tantrum such appalling behaviour that the OP should immediately move out !

Wow! Talk about exaggeration and twisting what people have actually said.

I can't see any posts where people have described the 3 year old's behaviour as appalling and only one where it was suggested staying somewhere else might be an option (note: nothing about immediately moving out.) But go ahead - interpret what other posters have said to fit your chosen stereotype of mumsnet if it makes you happy Hmm

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