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AIBU?

wwyd, who pays for new bridesmaid outfit?!

70 replies

user1466690252 · 31/07/2017 23:10

i am getting married soon with 6 bridesmaids. All have had a years notice and I have paid fot everything for them. 10 months ago i asked for dress sizes to order and have made for them. I double checked sizes all ok. 2 months before all bar one have said they won't fit, they have put on weight or not lost the weight they had planned on. This is annoying, but it's my special day so what they do with their lives is their business, but, Do I need to rebuy outfits that fit them or do they pay for it as I went by exactly what they gave me mesurment wise and everyone knew the sizes I was odering in. If I am asking them to but there own, how do I go about telling them as I don't want to offend them about their size, it doesn't matter, I am just annoyed I have to buy whole new outfits because of something that isn't my fault.

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user1466690252 · 31/07/2017 23:44

family member has made from scratch. We bought a pattern and fabric. They havn't cost that much because of this but the hours the family member has put in for free I feel warrants the effort they could of put in to get them to fit. She bought a new sewing machine and everything ❤

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coddiwomple · 31/07/2017 23:46

Really they should pay to have the dresses altered. They gave you sizes, you ordered them, you should just give them and let them manage.

If 2 are now pregnant, to be fair, they will probably need to buy a new dress, but they really should pay for them. They could at least check how much alterations would cost?

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PurpleMinionMummy · 31/07/2017 23:46

A lot can happen in 10 months, is it normal to order bridesmaid dresses that far in advance? Ours were made a few weeks before but it was a long time ago and a family friend did it.

I think it may have been a bit unreasonable to expect them to know 10 months before what size they might need, especially if there have been pregnancies. However, ordering sizes in the hope they'd loose weight to get into them is also unreasonable. I'm on the fence.

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PigletWasPoohsFriend · 31/07/2017 23:47

You certainly can't expect the two that are pregnant to fit into dresses that they gave you measurements for 10 months ago!

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balsamicbarbara · 31/07/2017 23:48

It'll be fantastic when one day in the distant future this idea of custom matching dresses at weddings dies a death and people sort out their own (tasteful) outfits.

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user1466690252 · 31/07/2017 23:53

who said anything about them matching?!
the pregnant ones one had a baby 10 months ago and assured me the size would be fine, the other has onlt just found out she was pregnant so can be altered . The dresses arnt finished but we are getting close to the finishing stage so need finalising so I need to broach the subject with them soon and realistically

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MummySparkle · 31/07/2017 23:55

I second the idea of corset backs. I'm assuming your family member will have some extra offcuts of the fabric? If they're too small, give them an off cut and get them to take it along with the dress to somebody who can do alterations. Having a bit of fabric at least means a panel could be added in to it, although potentially is costly

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user1466690252 · 31/07/2017 23:57

yes we have fabric left over. That is a great idea but will need to go to a professional dressmaker as mention of corset backs and extra panels may tip FM over the edge

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DontTouchTheMoustache · 31/07/2017 23:58

The thing is your wedding doesn't even need to be diet motivation, they might have been trying to lose weight anyway and you can't expect someone to then stop on their weight loss journey to suit your wedding over a timescale of 7 months. I do see your point that you need to know soon if there need to be alterations and that's absolutely fine but it is also very unrealistic to expect 6 people to stay exactly the same size for 7 months to suit you or have to pay for alterations

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coddiwomple · 01/08/2017 00:01

balsamicbarbara many countries don't understand the concept of bridesmaids, and some women can't think of anything worst than wearing matching outfit. If I had to wear the same dress than someone looking like Gisele, I would be feeling pretty awkward

OP< when is the wedding? Don't alter the dress of the pregnant lady in advance, bumps and pregnancies are so individual, with the best will in the world, no one can guess the size she will be.

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user1466690252 · 01/08/2017 00:04

I don't expect them to stay the same size, I've lost 3 stone, but I'm paying for the alts. I am expecting people to be realistic about their expectations and work towards the goals they set themselves especially If it's at someone else's cost. I Dont think it's unrealistic to expect people to roughly stay the same size for 7 months (pregnancy excluded)

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user1466690252 · 01/08/2017 00:05

wedding is end of october.

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MummySparkle · 01/08/2017 00:08

Your family member sounds like a star. I'd get them all together to try the dresses on. Any that are too. If give them the extra fabric and send them to a dressmakers. There's a lot more scope for sorting things out with a bit more fabric. The knotty gritty final bits of really making a dress fit an individual body are probably best left to a professional anyway. Not dissing your FM at all here, more thinking I can follow a pattern and sew a dress in my 'size' but still be frustrated that it doesn't sit quite right and not really have a great idea about how to fix it.

Giving them the dresses and extra fabric also gives them the freedom to choose when to have their alterations done. But make sure you remind them with a month to go just in case they haven't done it by then

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gingergenius · 01/08/2017 00:11

Industrial-strength Spanx????

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coddiwomple · 01/08/2017 00:14

I would really wait a bit for the pregnant lady, 3 whole months is a long time! Plan the cut of her altered dress by all means, but some women are slimmer than before with a tiny bump at 6 or even 9 months, others "blossom".

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stella23 · 01/08/2017 00:18

Corset backs would be fiddly but depending on the style an extra panel
Shouldn't take too long. Yanbu though

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Gibble1 · 01/08/2017 05:28

I was measured for my bridesmaid dress when DS was a couple of months old and I was still BF. We all (me, other bridesmaids, bride and dress maker) thought my size and shape would change in the subsequent months. I had the final fitting alone (with a 2 yr old and 6 month old!) as bride didn't show up. I was unhappy with fit and spoke to bride that afternoon and asked for straps. She and other bm looked at the photos I got the dressmaker to take and both said " you don't need straps, it's about 3 sizes too big!". Dress maker was then asked to alter it down - what the fittings were for! And it fitted perfectly. Had they not known about dressmaking and styles, I would have felt very uncomfortable all day.
But this had been planned all along with the knowledge I was likely to be significantly smaller closer to the wedding.

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ThumbWitchesAbroad · 01/08/2017 05:32

Got to agree - you shouldn't have to pay for them to be altered to fit, since they've actually changed (or not!) their size since then.
Madness for any of them to have vanity ordered a size too small in the hope that they would have dieted to fit. My sister nearly did that for her wedding dress but I talked her out of it - good job too! She hadn't lost anything by the time of her wedding, but at least her dress fit because she'd ordered the correct size.

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Mummyoflittledragon · 01/08/2017 06:06

It would have been unrealistic to expect a family member to make 6 dresses two months before your wedding. Had you used a professional dressmaker, the dresses wouldn't have needed to be made so far in advance. That's not a criticism. It's a response to the posters saying it's unrealistic to stay the same size for so long. It's a real shame this hasn't worked out for you. I hope you manage to sort this out and congratulations on your weight loss.

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sashh · 01/08/2017 06:21

Your relative made 6 dresses! I'm impressed and I can sew fairly well. I can imagine how disappointed this person will be if they don't fit on the day or they are not warn.

They need to get them altered, not by your family member, at their own cost. If they can't (going bigger is often difficult then they need to rebuy the material and get the dresses made at their expense or stand down.

I know these are your friends but this is not how friends treat someone they care about.

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user1471495191 · 01/08/2017 06:45

I was a pregnant bridesmaid. Original dresses were bought very early. The bride offered to pay for a new dress, but in the end we agreed that I would find a dress I was comfortable in, which fitted the colour theme and pay for it myself.

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monkeysox · 01/08/2017 07:10

User that's exactly what I did. Was asked to be bridesmaid when just found out I was pg.
Wedding date was when I was 8 months pg. She wanted to shop straight away so I has to tell her about baby and waited to buy a dress nearer the time. Still was bridesmaid at 8 months pg. You can work around it.

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Crunchymum · 01/08/2017 07:14

So 90% of your bridesmaids won't fit into their dress?

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lottiegarbanzo · 01/08/2017 07:40

You shouldn't have let them give you aspirational sizes, that was foolish. The dresses should have been made to actual measurements, then could have been altered if they had lost weight.

Swap and alter and, any who really don't fit e.g. preg ones, could find something else in the same or a complementary colour.

The good news is that with six of them, you can afford to lose a couple of bridesmaids (or more). Why not take that line? 'Oh well, looks like it can't be done, so no bridesmaid dress for you but you'll still be part of the day as a very special guest'.

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rockcake · 01/08/2017 09:00

* I Dont think it's unrealistic to expect people to roughly stay the same size for 7 months (pregnancy excluded).....*

No of course it isn't. Bridesmaids shouldn't give false measurements in the hope that they'll somehow find the motivation to lose excess weight in time for the wedding!

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