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wwyd, who pays for new bridesmaid outfit?!

70 replies

user1466690252 · 31/07/2017 23:10

i am getting married soon with 6 bridesmaids. All have had a years notice and I have paid fot everything for them. 10 months ago i asked for dress sizes to order and have made for them. I double checked sizes all ok. 2 months before all bar one have said they won't fit, they have put on weight or not lost the weight they had planned on. This is annoying, but it's my special day so what they do with their lives is their business, but, Do I need to rebuy outfits that fit them or do they pay for it as I went by exactly what they gave me mesurment wise and everyone knew the sizes I was odering in. If I am asking them to but there own, how do I go about telling them as I don't want to offend them about their size, it doesn't matter, I am just annoyed I have to buy whole new outfits because of something that isn't my fault.

OP posts:
Laiste · 01/08/2017 09:14

Oh god i'm on the fence.

The nitty gritty is:

  • You want 6 women to wear specific outfits at your wedding.
  • You chose a family member to make the dresses meaning it will take months.
  • most of the women won't fit into said dresses after time has passed.

Hmmmm. I think (and i know i'm in the minority) that if you want x, y, z on your wedding day - whatever that may be - then it should come out of your own pocket.

Baring in mind there is 6 of them it would have been better i think to have bought the dresses off the peg nearer the date.
glastogal · 01/08/2017 09:33

I was a bridesmaid last year and in the throws of a weight loss journey.. I tried the dress on in an 18 (it was too big) so I asked the bride to order it in a 14.. but when I tried it on 6 weeks before the wedding it was too big! I ordered myself a size down, and paid for it, and we used my former dress to make sashes. Worked out perfectly buy I would never have expected the bride to buy me multiple dresses! Luckily though - our selected dress was from asos, it was very reasonable and even in the sale when I bought the replacement 😀

I was also a bridesmaid this year and the bride insisted on buying the dresses a year in advance (I had to guess a size).. of course I then got pregnant and was really concerned it wouldn't fit. Fortunately the stretchy material meant I got away with it (despite being 2 dress sizes bigger than I originally said!!)

So my thoughts are this.. don't buy dresses too far in advance, and only buy them once!! This sounds mega stressful for you though - hope you get everyone sorted.

colacolaaddict · 01/08/2017 09:34

With 5/6 not fitting I would speculate that the dresses are on the small side for the sizes. Dressmaking pattern sizes are a bit of a black art in themselves, and it's not unusual to have to go up a size for wedding dresses. 1/4 inch difference in seam allowance can easily make a whole size difference in the finished article. Are you sure it's the BMs putting on weight/not losing it rather than the dresses coming out on the small side?

Also can your family member not let them out a bit? I'm a rank amateur but even I know to cut generously where poss and not to trim seam allowance until fitting is checked etc. If she hasn't had them in for fittings, and if there's any risk the dresses have come out on the small side, then it's not necessarily the BMs' fault.

I would suggest you take the dresses and spare material to a dressmaker who is able to put in panels etc. It's humiliating enough not being able to fit into a dress. If you can cover the cost of the alterations, I would.

44PumpLane · 01/08/2017 10:28

Not that it helps you now but this is why dresses like the TwoBirds dresses can be handy- they fit from an 8 up to a 16 and from 16-22. Just to pop that out there for any future brides reading.
Think you can get them on eBay for a decent second hand price- this is what I wore as a bridesmaid recently and I was 4 months post birth of twins so had no idea what size I'd be!

HipsterHunter · 01/08/2017 10:40

They pay for alterations or a new dress, or they step down from being bridesmaids.

FFS who lets themselves put on a whole dress size?????

Shadow666 · 01/08/2017 12:14

I understand doing a wedding on a budget but sometimes cutting corners costs more money in the long term. A professional dressmaker would have had all the women in and measured them properly, then had them in again for a fitting. I understand the person making the dresses has done you a huge favor but she should never have agreed to make (for example) a size 12 dress for a size 16 woman. It's much easier to take a dress in, very hard to let it out. You would be cheaper to cut your losses and buy off the peg dresses somewhere but I understand it's not easy to do when someone has been working on these dresses for so long. Tough situation. I don't know if the dresses can be altered, so it's not as simple as asking the bridesmaids to pay for alterations.

If I were you, I'd get the bridesmaids and dressmaker together, figure out if the situation is salvageable. If you have to pay for new dresses, work out the cost and ask for a contribution. Hopefully no one will be too upset/ offended.

viques · 01/08/2017 12:18

6 bridesmaids?6? sorry , easily distracted..........

Laiste · 01/08/2017 12:24

Amazon do lovely dresses pretty cheaply. DD1s prom dress was from there and was gorgeous. Some of them start at around £15. Quick delivery and free returns for some.

<a class="break-all" href="//" rel="nofollow noindex" target="_blank">//

I know this doesn't solve the problem of the relative's effort and feelings. ... that's going to be tricky.

Mammyloveswine · 01/08/2017 12:25

This happened to me! I sent garment measurements and dress sizes to all my bridesmaids and one of them decided once it had arrived that actually she felt the bigger size would be more comfortable. By this point it was too late to exchange but she immediately asked for the link and bought a new one. I think I did say I couldn't afford to pay for another but she reassured me she wasn't expecting me to xx

rockcake · 01/08/2017 13:01

**They pay for alterations or a new dress, or they step down from being
FFS who lets themselves put on a whole dress size?????**

Exactly. #annoying fatties

HeebieJeebies456 · 01/08/2017 21:40

Errrr....rock - don't try and misquote me and then tar me as a sizeist!

My exact words were Either they pay to get them altered or swap - any that don't fit will have to stand down as bm

They said no to OP getting dresses for the sizes they were at when she asked for an update.
Not just 1 or 2 of them - 5/6!
The onus is on them to get them altered or step down as bm

No way should the OP have to fork out some more.

This is about being considerate and honest with the OP over something that they've known about for 12 months.
OP doesn't have an issue with 'fatties' as you put it - and neither does anyone else on this thread.

rockcake · 01/08/2017 22:12


Sorry, complete misunderstanding Heebs, I was agreeing with you, albeit in a v childish way - see my earlier posts, which are absolutely in agreement with OP.

Didn't think I misquoted either, I pasted...?

Definitely not making a fattist issue out of this and am in fact not v sympathetic to people who can't get a grip on their weight (so now I'm in more trouble)

OrigamiOverload · 01/08/2017 22:28

I did this to my sister! I had a surprise pregnancy and she had already paid for a non maternity dress for me. It never crossed my mind that she would pay for another - the situation was totally my doing DH played a small role too.

HeebieJeebies456 · 01/08/2017 23:15

apology accepted rock ......i'm feeling rather hormonal lately Grin

rockcake · 01/08/2017 23:17

Today 23:15 HeebieJeebies456

apology accepted rock ......i'm feeling rather hormonal lately grin
Flowers Wine

lazycrazyhazy · 02/08/2017 00:09

When DD got married we bought one spare dress in a bigger size in case anyone had to go up a size or have alterations so it could be cut up.

We also got measurements but didn't assign dresses until a few weeks before the wedding. Then we managed to see each bridesmaid individually and let her try on a couple to see which fitted best. We cut out the size labels beforehand!

Then we labelled them with the names and arranged alterations in or out. As we had spare dress we could have inserted a panel if necessary though for pregnant BM she just wore waist higher and went up one size so we didn't need to. I can't remember who paid for alterations but it wasn't expensive (local sewing lady).

Top other tip is that good spandex type one piece sucky in things - with DD's wedding swimsuit style worked best - can reduce by a whole size!

lazycrazyhazy · 02/08/2017 00:12

PS just reading about getting them all together - I have 4 daughters and that is always best avoided! Best decision we made was to see them one at a time! We had dress 1-6 and made a note Jane - 2 - bit big on bust, 3 bit tight on hips... if you get them all together it will be a squabble for sure IMO!

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 02/08/2017 00:17

YANBU; they should have ordered their actual size, not their dram size. They should pay as they fucked you about.

When they say "we will need a bigger size" say "great, that will be £XX.XX".

user1466690252 · 02/08/2017 08:14

I sent a message out yesterday saying I needed to see them within 2 weeks for final fittings from me. any issues after that then they can have them to sort themselves. They seeemed ok with it and had a few jokes about getting the herbalife out 🙈 but the ball is rolling.

I have thought about the FM making them small so I tried one on and it fit fine, my cousin did aswell and it fit her aswell. They simply didn't do as they said they would. Which is fine but after this thread I'm now sure I won't be paying for alternatives. Thank you for not making me feel guilty about that

OP posts:
honeysucklejasmine · 02/08/2017 08:35

When I was a bridesmaid, one lady failed to slim in to hers. Luckily they were a chain store. Sadly they wouldn't accept hers back as it was "marked" (tiny pen mark on hem). So the MOB swapped mine for a bigger size instead, then paid to have the "too small" dress adjusted down to fit me.

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