Wedding etiquette fuck-up

[Pombearsandnaiceham]

Was watching Don't Tell The Bride with a close friend and her DP, who are about to get married. Her DP hasn't seen her wedding dress yet.

We got to the bit in DTTB where the bride is trying on different dresses, and stupid, stupid me pipes up: 'ooh, your dress is quite similar, isn't it?'

Luckily, her DP was sort of facing away from the screen, but I wonder how much he cottoned on and what he'll remember of what I said. My comment did upset the bride-to-be though, absolutely understandably.

Fuck's sake - I've really fucked up, haven't I??

Why am I such a twat???

Agree with everyone else, he probably wasn't even paying attention.
Poor SIL got a hell of a shock when Kate Middleton appeared in a practically identical styled gown a month before her wedding.
How her and my mum didn't say anything as we were all watching the wedding is beyond me & my big gob!

Don't worry too much about it. Put the same dress on 2 different women, and the dress will look different anyway. I don't know many men who will notice anything apart from the colour and fact that shoulders are on show or not

same dress different ladies

"Bit of a dick move" Really? I mean, really? She made a throwaway comment based on a TV show.

Caring about this type of completely pointless ephemera is what gives 'brides' a bad name.

The piece of material that touches your body as you get married is not a magical sacrosanct thing. It's a frock.

I just asked DH what my wedding dress was like. "Cream or white. No white, definitely". It was cream. He then mentioned people kept standing on it (nope, my bridesmaid stood on my veil whilst walking down the aisle!). He THEN goes on to say that a photo taken of us by the wedding car is on all of the books of wedding invitations sent out across the country and has been for donkeys years! Don't think we know each other at all 😂

I have to agree with the majority - chances are he wouldn't have even noticed, and certainly won't remember! your friend is being a bit of a dick if she holds it against you, it was only a throwaway comment, not like you went "ooo Friend's fiancé, LOOK! This is the dress Friend will be wearing when you get married, isn't it fab?!" (THAT would be a proper "dick move")

He won't have noticed. Wedding dress detail is lost on a lot of men.

Don't sweat it OP, you'll be fine

Just asked DH to describe my dress (still got pics up and put it on every anniversary) he remembered long, white, cleavage. Dd's worn six weeks ago he was very vague (it was pink!!!). Honestly the fiance won't notice or care........ however I wouldn't say any of that to the bride to be just apologise profusely you didn't do it on purpose

Was it a strapless ivory dress with an a-line skirt which approx 90% of brides in the western world have worn since the year 2000? It's like a fucking uniform if so, I wouldn't worry about spoiling any great surprise.....

Good grief. I don't know a single man who would even register this information.

My husband might remember that my dress was white; then again, he might not.

My ex asked me about the day before what I was going to wear. As he felt he should, you know, dress up a bit?

After I pointed out that it was a full white wedding and his suit had been ordered ages ago and was waiting to be collected; where the fuck did he think that I was going when I said "off for my dress fitting" and he registered actual surprise "ohhhhh that's for our wedding?"

I should have known then.

Gingham didn't he order his own suit?

I know this will sound sexist but most men would not pick out one wedding dress from another whereas women who have looked in depth, carefully chosen etc will be far more attuned to the details so to them two wedding dresses would look vestry different whereas to a man who has never looked closely at a dress they'll all look quite similar.

If i asked my dh to describe my wedding dress I guarantee he'd say "ummmmm... long and white?" somewhat hopefully

And my dh will ask me to help him choose between two navy suits because they are so, so different to him whereas to me they are two suits and I wouldn't even notice they were navy!!

Surely it's only a problem if he sees her in her actual wedding dress before the wedding? I don't believe in superstitions anyway so it wouldnt make a difference to me. If she's upset about an honest Freudian slip she's turning into bridezilla...

Thanks so much everyone! It was such a stupid thing to do on my part. I've been really stressed recently, and just wasn't thinking (not that this excuses anything!!)

I just feel so bad for my friend because I'm sure she'll remember :( I wish I could've just engaged my brain and thought before speaking 🙄

Don't ever refer to it again would be my advice, unless she does, in which case say sorry about that, I wasn't thinking, and move on!

She probably will remember but once it's all over she will laugh about it. My mother-in-law showed a picture of my dress to her step-daughter and I was distraught for about an hour even thought the step-daughter couldn't even make the wedding (she was abroad) because I had bride-brain and wasn't thinking reasonably, your friend will be the same and no harm will be done.

I'm sure his eyes were glazed over watching that anyway

"Bride-brain" isn't a thing. It's called being a diva.

FluffyWhiteSlippers okay I was being a diva for an hour, happy?
My point was that some brides can have out of proportion reactions to things but that they will look back and laugh and that OP shouldn't worry too much.

Bride brain . Like getting married gives you a free pass to be a gobshite.

Totally fine Moral. If you're gonna be a diva, own it! It's the right and proper diva thing to do.

I don't mean to make you feel bad OP but I do think you should apologise to the bride. The groom is getting a bit of a rough and sexist time on here - a man who is shortly about to get married, watching a wedding programme with his fiancée, is likely to be somewhat interested in the details of the wedding on the show, including the dress. Men aren't a homogenous group of imbiciles, blind to all "lady" things.

While of course in the scheme of things, it doesn't matter a toss, I can see why the bride might feel a little put out and why you owe her an apology for thoughtlessness.

Its fine. Most dresses look the same tbh. In the 2000's it was strapless ivory or cream, these days its all lace. The last five wedding dress photos I have seen on facebook, four have all been nearly identical slim or mermaid fitting with high lace neckline and the fourth one was the only one that truly stood out as a simple, A-Line satin with almost no detail except for the beautiful shoulder and neckline. That's it. My own wedding dress wouldn't exactly stand out in a line up of all the other women who got married about the same time as I did and my husband couldn't describe it to you if he was paid to.

FluffyWhiteSlippers well I think the wedding planning brought out more of the diva Not an excuse and defo not a free pass, and still a bit ashamed but hopefully I've made amends!