To want to throw my bouquet a little too hard when the time comes?

[AlwaysLost]

Wedding booked for Spring 2018 unhelpful comments/actions so far include:

Chief Bridesmaid threatening to not come to wedding when I mentioned we might want to get married out in the woods (have now booked hotel but not because of that ^) because she didn't want to have to pee in a hole in the ground - I had actually planned portaloos, heated marquee, caterer and bar btw but she didn't wait to find that out before going bat shit!
Chief bridesmaid again getting very angry at me at the thought of me in a wedding dress (was planning an inexpensive one!) cavorting round the dirty woods and potentially getting it stained and/or ripped.
Cheif bridesmaid again - currently separated from her husband and starting divorce proceedings so am trying to be sensitive and not be pushing wedding stuff in her face all the time but I actually need her input/opinion sometimes and she often just now comes out with "my opinion is don't get married!" - helpful!

Mother (mine) - spilling the beans when my partner had bought a ring and telling me he planned to propose in the next week! Both of us are raging at that!
Mother (mine again) - asking one Niece if she would like to be my bridesmaid before I'd even decided on having any more and then asking the other Niece when I told her I had decided to ask them.... I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to be the one doing the asking no? But of course I don't get to do it now because helpful mum has done it for me...

Royally pissed off and actually getting quite upset coz this stuff keeps happening to me (have left stuff out coz it's a massive saga) and it's actually taking away the enjoyment of the process (why can't someone come take the stress instead?!) I only get one shot at this stuff, it's not like I've a time machine in my handbag that I can get in and go re-do these things!

Sack your chief bridesmaid. Just have the nieces as bridesmaid and give the Chief Bridesmaid duties to your Mother to keep her busy.

Tell nobody (apart from your fiancé) anything you don't want the world to know. Unless you don't want to break it to Chief Bridesmaid to her face that you are replacing her. Your Mother might be quite useful in this instance for telling her.

Or just elope...

Stop talking to your mother!! Seriously don't tell her anything

Have you pulled her up on this stuff at all? Like 'why did you do that?' Etc

I agree with the companies making money bit, definitely.

I just think it appeals to the less pleasant attributes of humans, the need to show off, to be centre of attention, to demonstrate the size of wealth and family , to show how strong your relationship is. What I always hear from couples is how it's not really about them anyway, they are doing it because it's expected by family.

You would have thought, with the divorce rate as it is, that we as a society would have rejected the whole pantomime in form of a small , legally binding process with none of the pomp and ceremony, followed by an optional party if that floats your boat.

My Grandmother went proper full on mental in the run up to my Uncles wedding (v bohemian, hippy types) - they were paying a fair chunk but she was off the scale about 'respecting tradition' and 'proper store's. My Uncle wore a traditional white wedding dress and his bride a morning suit complete with tails.

Do that, twas awesome

See! This is why women turn into "Bridezillas" (a term I hate ). You end up looking like a crazy person who's getting upset over strange things when you're ACTUALLY angry and stressed because no one is listening to you. For example i had an argument with a close family member over whether to have radishes at the buffet. I didn't want them but they insisted we had them. Why argue with me about fucking radishes?! Who cares!

Decide what is non negotiable, say dress or wedding photographer and put you foot down. Every thing else let go. The trouble is you WILL have people fucking up the simplest task for no good reason. Another example is my mum bought cheap regular plastic cups instead of the nice wine ones because "they were cheaper" despite the fact I would have paid for the nicer ones and had specifically asked for them. I had no time to fix it so cheap and nasty ones it was. Gah!

Get a wedding planner if you can afford it and/or are having a big wedding but in all honesty go for a small wedding with no bridesmaids and as few guests as possible.

Oh and make sure you take time out on the day to look around and soak in the day or you'll miss all the lovely things you organised!

That should say 'proper attire'

Bless Chief bridesmaid, she's actually a really lovely person normally, one of those give you the shirt off her back types so it's all a bit out of the norm for her to be like this, don't know what happened with the woods related rant and I am really trying not to bring up the wedding at the moment but do need her input now and then. Trying to be as sensitive as I can bar postponing the wedding till she feels a bit better.
I feel sorry for her cause she doesn't mean it really but just needed a wee rant - normally I'd tell her if anything pissed me off but can't rant at the person your ranting about especially when they are going through a tough time.

Have decided I should add on "please don't say anything to anyone without asking first" to my mum should I need to talk to her about anything.

Eloping is starting to look pretty good though...
Must try and remember not to fling bouquet into next week ha ha! :D
It's mad this wedding lark, we're actually pretty laid back people so it's a small wedding mainly family but our laid back approach has caused offences such as "(girl niece) can't wear trousers! She'd look ridiculous in the photos!" - niece is having gender issues and would be really upset being stuffed in a dress but I'm ok with that, I mainly just want everyone to wear what makes them happy and just enjoy the day. Others apparently are not ok with this approach, sometimes feel like shouting "who's getting married here, you? What difference does it make?"
Crazyness is apparently a big hand in hand thing with weddings or so I'm learning!

Do love these people btw just needed to get it off my chest before I exploded and beat someone senseless with the one wedding magazine I bought (turned out to be no help and full of scarily expensive suggestions for the "perfect day" - which I'm aware doesn't exist! Would just like to not have things pooed on from a great height at times

I gave up when MIL was deciding which coach she was going to hire and which 30 guests she would allow onboard. The hypothetical guest list at the time consisted of parents and siblings. I signed out after that. I did flirt with gone down Brixton Registry office and had a party afterwards, but imagined Mcdonald's after, it being so close. But then I was never interested in being a bride. Your chief bridesmaid is a nightmare and if you can't control your own DM nobody else can, both of them are showing you no respect and being very narcissistic. They will only ramp it up and probably start on each other as time goes on, both clearly think they are more important than the bride, so by logic they are more important than each other? You have 9 months or more, right now you have a lot of choices, in 8 months time you will have the option of cancelling or going ahead with the wedding drama. Take a deep breath, stand well back and try and look objectively at this. You know what people are capable of, how bad could it really get? Does your dream include lots of tears of sadness and anger? Can you see where this is going, without rose tinted sunglasses on, and will you be happy with that?

Please have the wedding you want. Otherwise youll regret it. If anyone objects to your plans tell them if they dont like it they dont need to come. It really is that simple.

I feel abit sorry for your friend who sounds like she's going through a difficult time and you keep talking about your wedding

She's the chief bridesmaid

If she feels she can't discuss weddings at this time, she should give up that position.

Sorry yes i did speak to mum about the niece bridesmaids thing and asked her to check before blabbing anything to anyone else but -and i know its silly in the grand scheme - i was really looking forward to speaking to the girls myself so the horse has bolted there :/ mums said sorry and she understands what im saying (tried to be polite whilst still being honest) and that she wont do it again

Two words for you OP. Las Vegas.

Seriously, I think you've learned the hard way about asking people for opinions. Do what is right for you and your fiance, book it accordingly and tell everyone what is happening a week before. And that it's not up for debate or criticism. This is one day you're planning and people have ridiculous expectations of weddings these days. Keep smiling

I would have a sit down with your friend and ask her would it be easier for her to take more of a back seat role as it seems to be affecting her. This is an important time in your life and yes, she's having a shitty time-but that doesn't mean she gets to drag you down too.
Oh, as long as you are having some non wedding related times together that is...

Your friend isn't in the right frame of mind to be a friend to you and just be your bridesmaid.

She's bitter, mean and will sour everything

I too would suggest that it's ok if she is finding this tough, to have chief bridesmaid in name only, or just be a guest if that helps...

BUT to poo-poo everything you do and undermine your choices has to stop.

You do need to have a difficult but sensitive conversation with her.

Ahhh nothing like a good old wedding to make you realise how much you hate your family. I've also just started planning my wedding for next year and have learnt very quickly this is not about me! Would elope if I could.

Sorry dont know how to quote on my phone but see CB at least once a week just for a visit, no wedding talk so i promise im not just wedding wedding wedding at her :)