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Original poster

To want to throw my bouquet a little too hard when the time comes?

41 replies

AlwaysLost · 31/07/2017 15:57

Wedding booked for Spring 2018 unhelpful comments/actions so far include:

Chief Bridesmaid threatening to not come to wedding when I mentioned we might want to get married out in the woods (have now booked hotel but not because of that ^) because she didn't want to have to pee in a hole in the ground - I had actually planned portaloos, heated marquee, caterer and bar btw but she didn't wait to find that out before going bat shit!
Chief bridesmaid again getting very angry at me at the thought of me in a wedding dress (was planning an inexpensive one!) cavorting round the dirty woods and potentially getting it stained and/or ripped.
Cheif bridesmaid again - currently separated from her husband and starting divorce proceedings so am trying to be sensitive and not be pushing wedding stuff in her face all the time but I actually need her input/opinion sometimes and she often just now comes out with "my opinion is don't get married!" - helpful!

Mother (mine) - spilling the beans when my partner had bought a ring and telling me he planned to propose in the next week! Both of us are raging at that!
Mother (mine again) - asking one Niece if she would like to be my bridesmaid before I'd even decided on having any more and then asking the other Niece when I told her I had decided to ask them.... I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to be the one doing the asking no? But of course I don't get to do it now because helpful mum has done it for me...

Royally pissed off and actually getting quite upset coz this stuff keeps happening to me (have left stuff out coz it's a massive saga) and it's actually taking away the enjoyment of the process (why can't someone come take the stress instead?!) I only get one shot at this stuff, it's not like I've a time machine in my handbag that I can get in and go re-do these things!

OP posts:
OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 31/07/2017 16:03

You know that thread about eloping? In your case I bloody well would.

HappenedForAReisling · 31/07/2017 16:05

Fuck them all off and elope instead?

Not helpful, sorry. Can you give your Mum a list of things she can't screw up to both help you and keep her occupied so she doesn't get in your way?

FuckYouLinda · 31/07/2017 16:06

Yeah, I'd elope. I didn't have a fraction of that shit in my face and I was on the brink of just buggering off and coming back married.

fruityb · 31/07/2017 16:07

You have my sympathy! I get married very soon and have had my sister kick off left right and centre because I haven't asked her to do anything - there's been nothing to do as we've been planning it for two years and it's all been sorted. She's been full of emotional blackmail and abuse for years so this wasn't a surprise but still. I'm also pissed off with her as I wanted Irregular Choice shoes for my wedding, I bought some and she's also wearing a pair with her outfit. Not the same ones but I just thought it bad form.

Also had kick offs with my brother and sister as well - my sister is a keyboard warrior and will go on abusibe text campaigns. She did one to his niece after misreading a Facebook post and my brother refused to come to the wedding if she was there. She also doesn't speak to my other brother. But obviously she's not the problem at all....

Shes text me telling me she's in tears, that she can't believe I don't want her help (there is literally nothing I need doing as we've done it), called me a selfish bitch on many occasions....

I can see me and her having zero relationship in years to come. We have said all along it's our day so we're pleasing ourselves - she's found any reason to kick off.

TheViceOfReason · 31/07/2017 16:08

So stop discussing and sharing things with them all.

Plan the wedding you and your fiance want then invite people.

Hidingtonothing · 31/07/2017 16:11

Yep, elope or just get married on the quiet, avoids all this hassle. We just had two witnesses from work at our local registry office and a pub meal after, twas lovely Smile

Underthemoonlight · 31/07/2017 16:11

To be honest I feel abit sorry for your friend who sounds like she's going through a difficult time and you keep talking about your wedding ( as someone who got married 3years ago I get your excited but sometimes you don't realise how much you talk about your wedding) could you met up and not discuss wedding related things?

VestalVirgin · 31/07/2017 16:12

Give up on the hopes of having the perfect wedding.

Then elope, or just shrug at the failures.

Wanting the perfect dream wedding is just setting yourself up for failure, imho.

WashingMatilda · 31/07/2017 16:14

Why is this woman your chief bridesmaid??

FuckYouLinda · 31/07/2017 16:16

Fill your bouquet with stones disguised as rosebuds. And launch it at her nose.

CoffeeAndEnnui · 31/07/2017 16:27

GrinGrinGrin

AllToadsLeadToHome · 31/07/2017 16:27

The wedding is for you, do what YOU want. (Bugger off and don't tell anyone where).

I didn't tell any of my family or friends until afterwards, except the few I invited, the only family there were his. I asked one friend who started making it about her so told her it was off.

We had a lovely day with no stress or squabbling. No need for it.

Lynnm63 · 31/07/2017 16:28

I'd call a wedding meeting with you,chief bridesmaid, mum and anyone else being a tit. Explain this is your wedding and if they don't want to do your wedding how you'd like it then there's no point in doing it at all and you and your fiancé will nip down to the Registry office in your jeans one afternoon and get married with two random witnesses.
Tell them this is what I want as my dream wedding and if you don't feel you can be part of this day then you are welcome not to attend.

puddingpen · 31/07/2017 16:30

I am not even engaged and my mum has promised me money to elope (as long as she can come too and buy my dress!) just after hearing the stories on my friends' various wedding costs and stresses.

Lynnm63 · 31/07/2017 16:30

I'm not dissing anyone who married in a Registry Office with two random witnesses, your marriage will be just as strong, if not more so, than anyone who had half a dozen bridesmaids, doves etc.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 31/07/2017 16:36

DM has told me to go small or elope, it's not worth the aggro, especially after my best friend saw her mum go MoB-zilla!

Gingerandgivingzerofucks · 31/07/2017 16:38

Looking back, I wish to god I'd gone down Brixton Registry office and had a party afterwards. So much easier. Think I'd be telling do to keep her trap shut re wedding arrangements, it's your wedding, she's had her turn and serious words with you CB. Either ask if she'd like to be dropped (in a nice, want to relieve the stress way) or tell her to woman up and be happy for you and she needs to stop with the PA shit.

JennyBlueWren · 31/07/2017 16:41

Not helpful for your actual post but don't throw your bouquet too hard. I nearly forgot about it and when reminded threw the bouquet so hard it flew over the heads of the crowd and into the road. Brother's girlfriend was not impressed as she'd asked me to throw it to her -they're still not married!

My gran-in-law actually suggested we just elope to avoid all the hassle but we were lucky that our family and friends were all mostly quite relaxed about the wedding in the end. I think the only fuss was when my dad realised my brother hadn't brought a tie up with him but he just borrowed one of my husband's.

Littlechocola · 31/07/2017 16:43

Why is your chief bridesmaid dictating to you about what type of wedding you should have?

Run away!

shoeaddict83 · 31/07/2017 16:50

were doing it abroad for this very reason!!! Less stress, its about us and only the people who really want to spend money flying abroad are bothering to come - cuts out all the others straight away who feel 'entitled' to just because they knew me when i was 4 or are distantly related. Anyone whos moaned about not affording to come have been told thats a shame but its our wedding and what we want.
Any as others have said - why on earth is this woman your Chief BM anyway?? !!

MistyKnightsTwistout · 31/07/2017 16:55

The chief bridesmaid is meant to be your closest friend, right? She sounds awful! And not a friend.

Bobbydeniro69 · 31/07/2017 16:58

I can't help wondering why anyone would have a ' big' wedding anyway.

It's just seems like a year of stress , falling out with people, disappointments, anxiety, hard work, outrageous expense..

For one sodding day when you can be the centre of attention.

ppeatfruit · 31/07/2017 16:59

Yes agree with the other posters who are wondering why you picked your chief bridesmaid to be your CHIEF bridesmaid. She shouldn't have said yes if she's so down on weddings , were you hers?

Weddings are always stressful (even if the family are laid back, reception\ceremony venues can be double booked etc.). Unless you pop down the registry! Though of course you'll then get people being upset that they weren't there etc. etc….

You can't win Grin Good luck!

Crashbangwhatausername · 31/07/2017 17:00

My wedding was a great day, minimal stress compared to a lot of people I know. But I still regret not eloping - cheaper, fewer opinions from family/friends on our food/music/seating arrangements/flowers/you get the picture. I am now of the opinion that weddings are just a way of companies making money and eloping then perhaps just having a nice village hall party would be more fun for everyone

user1497357411 · 31/07/2017 17:03

When we announced we were planning to get married, my parents, one of my uncles and my best friend congratulated us. Everybody else had reactions like:
"Well, that is so fashionable now",
"Good, that will make the paperwork so much easier when you split up",
"Really? Well, we are not there yet.",
"Are you? (looking embarrased). I'm not even seeing anybody",
"You know, your way of having a relationship isn't the only right way of doing it!"
And my favourite, which came from quite a few of my male acquaintances: "Shh! Shut up! If (insert his girlfriend's name here) hears that, she'll get ideas!"
Granted, I was 23 and he was 22 and most of our friends were in the same age group, but still. Not very good manners. Commented on it later to some of them. None of them could "remember" they had said that as the first reaction. Were sure we must remember it wrong. Did all back down though when we said that actually, when you announce news like that you do remember what people reply to it, at least if it is extremely rude.

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