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AIBU?

Feeling exhausted and like I can't cope

38 replies

witsendreached · 31/07/2017 08:58

After another weekend which I mostly spent lying down or asleep, and then struggling to drag myself out of bed this morning with a pounding headache, I feel i am really struggling and don't know what to do.

I work ft, have DC still at home who are teens. One works unsociable hours (getting train home at 12-12.30) I have to go and collect them from the station otherwise it's a 15 min walk along mostly unlit roads. So i don't get an early night (they work every eve).

I don't particularly like my job. Certain aspects, but not the whole thing. I'm paid less than male colleagues but there's no mechanism to challenge it. My industry is dying on it's arse though and so I am likely to struggle getting another job.

I also get no sick pay (ssp only). My manager is approachable but never observes any confidentiality, so I'm reluctant to discuss any personal issues with him because i know everyone will end up knowing...

I'm in a relationship with someone who has a serious illness (ok at present but feel we're on borrowed time), and who's awaiting sentence for a criminal offense and might be sent to prison though it's more likely to be a suspended sentence.

Work don't know any of this. Ditto friends, for various reasons. So I'm carrying it all alone. I feel really isolated and like I'm shouldering a massive burden.

And then I'm not being productive in any sense. Not at work or home. My house is falling apart and i have no energy to tackle any of the jobs that need doing. I'd pay someone to do it but can't find anyone who wants the work. Crazy i know. It takes all my energy to do the minimum. On Sat I cleaned out our pet. That took an hour and i had to lie down after as I was shattered. No reason for this, blood tests are normal. I am very disgustingly overweight though so that's part of it. My GP suggests losing weight. Food however is about the only pleasure in my life now.

I can't bear talking to people. I sit at my desk in my shitty office and people disturb me all day with small talk. I can't bear it and would happily spend all day not talking to anyone. Then just go home and sleep.Its a struggle to get out of bed each morning. But if i don't I have no money and we lose our home. So i have to keep going...

OP posts:
AnnaBe · 31/07/2017 09:04

You're doing a lot, you should be proud of yourself! Maybe you should talk to your GP about some options? It sounds like you might be mildly depressed or suffering chronic fatigue? xxx

yawning801 · 31/07/2017 09:04

I'm terrible at giving advice like this so will bump this thread and offer Flowers until the right person comes along.

witsendreached · 31/07/2017 09:17

I've realized i didn't even ask a question. Sorry.

I spoke to my GP before about how i was feeling when all the court case first started, gp said i didn't meet the criteria for depression but i could go to group therapy for anxiety. I didn't want to discuss my problems in a group tbh. I'm not sure i can discuss them at all other than somewhere like this where it's pretty much anonymous.

OP posts:
PugOnToast · 31/07/2017 10:52

Go back to your Gp. Did they do a full thyroid screen? Did they check ferritin levels not just Hb?
Why are you overweight? Is it just too much food or could you have an underlying issue like incipient diabetes or PCOS? I think massively reducing sugar and increasing protein and fruit and veg will be helpful but also you have lots to deal with.

Is your partner worth the relationship? Is he nice to you?

I sympathise. I have chronic fatigue and it makes my QOL very low sometimes. I could sleep all the time.

PugOnToast · 31/07/2017 10:55

By the way Wits. You sound depressedgo me. Not wanting to talk to people, short tempered (no judgement) tired. Wanting to sleep, not caring about diet etc.
That is what I was like. I cried a lot but I was also so angry.
Take care. C

witsendreached · 31/07/2017 12:35

I don't know if it was thyroid or ferritin. I'm not sure i saw the results, gp just told me they were fine. I'll go back but you invariably have to wait weeks for an appointment.

I'm fat because i eat too much. I could eat from now til the evening and not feel full. I'm greedy and disgust myself, i am trying to lose weight but I'm not doing that well. I try to make my lunch the night before but forgot last night and was too tired today as i didn't get to sleep til 2.

My partner is worth it. He is at a pretty low ebb too. We have talked about ending it, at least until court is out of the way, but honestly i don't know if that would help. If anything i think I'd feel worse.

I cry a lot, but i always have. I get hugely angry too. I was told because my emotions aren't 'flat' I'm probably not depressed? I care about my house etc, I'm just so knackered i can't do any of the things i need to.

OP posts:
lmer · 31/07/2017 12:43

Have you thought about trying slimming world? I don't agree with some of their suggestions, but from all accounts you can eat a fair whack on it. I'd also talk to Holland and Barrett as they might have a supplement that can help with the energy side as well

humblesims · 31/07/2017 12:51

Ditto advice about thyroid. If you've teenagers you are probably in teh age group where it shows itself. Also you could be coming into menopause? That makes you very tired too. And anxious. As for practical suggestions ...Your working teen need to get a bike and lock it up at the train station and cycle home (if its fifteen minute walk it will be a five minute cycle) then you can get to bed early. Please do that. Also get those teenagers helping you sort the house out. One room at a time and then a list of chores they are responsible for. Its too easy to become the one that does everything when they are young but now they are old enough to properly help you out. Please get them helping. These are small changes you could make immediately that would start making a difference to your life. Especially not staying up til midnight. Flowers

witsendreached · 31/07/2017 13:47

Thanks but not for me, I've done swimming world before and didn't like it. Now the absolute last thing i want to do is sit in a room of people discussing weight and food. Being around people at work is bad enough.

I can't get much help at home, eldest is at work a lot, younger won't do much unless i am supervising with a list of tasks. Plus what needs doing is more than just tidying, it's filling and sanding walls, fixing woodwork, repainting and so on, neither of them could manage that.

Trying to book an appt with gp and get past the receptionist and the usual what do i want to be seen for? Because I'm constantly exhausted and cry most days?

OP posts:
witsendreached · 31/07/2017 13:51

slimming world even.

Swimming world would be even less me.

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HemmieH · 31/07/2017 13:57

Wits just tell the receptionist you are feeling low and would like to talk to a doctor. Good luck Flowers

Butterymuffin · 31/07/2017 13:59

Say you're having trouble sleeping and feel very down. Get an appointment with a different GP this time if at all possible - yours sounds not very receptive.

Agree about the bike for your teen. You can't keep depriving yourself of sleep to collect them. Or they'll have to get a taxi home and take it out of earnings.

Can you then start going to bed earlier? Tiredness makes everything else worse.

witsendreached · 31/07/2017 14:09

Thanks - I remembered we've now got an online booking for the surgery, so didn't need to speak to anyone. Earliest appt is 17 August though

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PugOnToast · 31/07/2017 17:28

Wit go to another Dr. Seriously. Yours is shit. When I am depressed I get angry. Not just flat. I may seem numb and personally feel very down but I cry and get very angry with the kids very quickly. I think you sound depressed but your dr seems to be unable to see past a checklist of symptoms.

The endless hunger - cortisol the stress hormone can cause that.

I think you need a comprehensive MOT. Thyroid and ferritin levels are something that the is much dispute about the acceptable levels. if I remember correctly the range for ferritin is something like 11-300. Which is a ridiculous range. My go said he would like a female patient to have a level of at least 200. Mine has been 4. Rarely gets over 20. So that is seen as normal but most drs would say it was inadequate.

Same for thyroid levels. I'm not familiar with them but I try looking on Thyroid Uk. Just because your levels are within the current range, if you are symptomatic it should probably be looked at further.

Go for a second opinion. Feeling that tired is not normal. People really underestimate how miserable it is. And how debilitating.

joojoobean99 · 31/07/2017 19:54

I don't have any advice for you, but I feel so sad that you're in a similar situation to me about 3 years ago. I was so exhausted, fed up, and basically wanted to hide away and not speak to anyone for the rest of my life. It really does sound like you might be depressed, so going back to your Gp is the best option for the moment (nhs also have an online counselling service, can't remember what it's called but I found it very helpful to get my feelings in order). The eating thing is a vicious circle - you eat because you're tired and have no energy to make yourself something healthy (dieting/healthy eating really does take quite a bit of energy!) but the food you're eating is likely to be making you feel worse.

Please do go and see your Gp when you can and get some anti depressants. They might give you enough energy and motivation to make a small change in your life, and that will have an impact on everything else.

Good luck, and I hope things improve for you. Flowers

witsendreached · 02/08/2017 08:57

Thank you both.

I'm just so tired. Up til 2am last night then up at 6.30. Whilst Maggie Thatcher may have run the country on 4 hours sleep I really need more.

It's mainly due to DCs job. Picking them up at 11.30-midnight, then I have to wash their uniform for the next day. By the time I'd done that last night it was gone 1, then it took me a while to drop off.

I can't leave the washing machine on overnight because the pipe feeding it leaks, so i have to turn it off at the valve when it's done otherwise we'd be flooded. The plumber promised to come back and fix it but hasn't. Just another letdown! Oh. and DC only has one set of uniform (another has been ordered) so this is a nightly task ☹

I'm away this weekend but i will just be thinking of all the shit i need to be doing at home, how nothing will be done and it will all be waiting on Sun evening. Plus stressing over whether DC can sort their uniform in my absence, making sure they're up for work etc. Partner says i should leave DC to it, but I'm afraid he doesn't get it. Just because he left home at 17 and lived on his own (which for various reasons wasn't entirely a good thing) he thinks i do too much for DC. But i do a lot less than their friends mums (most don't work or only pt) plus if DC loses this job it's me that will suffer too.

And now i have to spend 8 hours at work making small talk and discussing other peoples problems which i selfishly really couldn't care less about.

OP posts:
witsendreached · 02/08/2017 08:58

Thank you both.

I'm just so tired. Up til 2am last night then up at 6.30. Whilst Maggie Thatcher may have run the country on 4 hours sleep I really need more.

It's mainly due to DCs job. Picking them up at 11.30-midnight, then I have to wash their uniform for the next day. By the time I'd done that last night it was gone 1, then it took me a while to drop off.

I can't leave the washing machine on overnight because the pipe feeding it leaks, so i have to turn it off at the valve when it's done otherwise we'd be flooded. The plumber promised to come back and fix it but hasn't. Just another letdown! Oh. and DC only has one set of uniform (another has been ordered) so this is a nightly task ☹

I'm away this weekend but i will just be thinking of all the shit i need to be doing at home, how nothing will be done and it will all be waiting on Sun evening. Plus stressing over whether DC can sort their uniform in my absence, making sure they're up for work etc. Partner says i should leave DC to it, but I'm afraid he doesn't get it. Just because he left home at 17 and lived on his own (which for various reasons wasn't entirely a good thing) he thinks i do too much for DC. But i do a lot less than their friends mums (most don't work or only pt) plus if DC loses this job it's me that will suffer too.

And now i have to spend 8 hours at work making small talk and discussing other peoples problems which i selfishly really couldn't care less about

OP posts:
witsendreached · 02/08/2017 09:04

Sorry for double post!

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Butterymuffin · 02/08/2017 09:09

Can't your DC wash their own uniform when they get in while you go straight to bed, at least? Why does it have to be you that does it? Look for things like this you can delegate, even if they're small. It would get you a bit more sleep.

I agree totally with above posts about going back to the doctor, a different doctor.

humblesims · 02/08/2017 09:22

I'm sorry but you are making work for yourself collecting DC and washing their uniform. You cannot carry doing all that and holding down a job of your own. Your DC must take responsibility of getting themselves to and from work and washing their uniform (presumably they are in the hospitality industry and not up early themselves?). You run the risk of being a martyr if you dont start to delegate. Sorry I dont want that to sound harsh but you MUST start putting yourself first. Your DC is 17 and perfectly old enough to take on their own responsibility. Seriously witsend you cant function this way without damaging your own health.

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 02/08/2017 09:27

Get your vitamin b12 checked

Butterymuffin · 02/08/2017 09:28

Agree with humble. I know you've said you will suffer if they lose the job, but you're suffering now. Can they look for something else?

Tanaqui · 02/08/2017 09:37

You cannot carry on doing that pick up every night- can dc1 get a bike/ moped/ taxi? You need a month of good sleep and then you can look at food/ house/ etc. Also he must wash own uniform (am assuming is over 16 and has left school?). That will make him hurry up getting the second set! How old is dc2? Start small- if you cook they wash up. Give little tasks- bins, dishwasher, and be grateful/ give rewards- it takes a long time to build them up to be helpful! They might be interested in sanding and painting if you pay them?

gandalf456 · 02/08/2017 09:37

You are probably not getting enough sleep.

But look at your sugar and caffeine intake. These are the first crutches I turn to and have finally found it's counterintuitive to what I'm trying to achieve

witsendreached · 02/08/2017 09:43

Both DC are more than capable of using washing machine, and normally would. With this bloody leak though, if they forget to turn off the valve we'll end up flooded, I don't feel I can risk that. Eldest is working mornings and eves some days (tues/ weds/ Fri this week leaving home at 0830 and then not home til midnight, albeit they have about 3 hours off in the afternoon) so doesn't have much more time than me. The hours are bad but the pay is good, and it took over 6 months to get this job so I'd like them to keep it for a while at least.

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